u/Purple_Chance_18

Good evening,

I am currently heavily considering putting in an application for a Special Agent position in the FBI- it’s something of a lifelong dream of mine that I recently decided I should revisit after having shelved the idea for the last few years. However, I’m nervous that as it stands my resume is sparse, so I wanted to hear some opinions.

I have a bachelor’s in criminal justice, which I as I understand is not a competitive degree. After graduating, I was hired to do corporate asset protection by a sizable retail chain, where I currently oversee fourteen locations across two states. It’s a lot of surveillance work, reviewing video, etc. and some amount of investigative work (typically for internal issues). I routinely conducted interviews with offenders, employees, etc. I’ve been on the job for just short of three years.

I understand that the Bureau hires from a diverse set of backgrounds, but I worry that mine is combining a less-than-useful degree with a work history that is law enforcement-adjacent at best. In terms of the hiring process, I currently am prepared to pass the PFT, and I should have no difficulties with the background investigation or passing a polygraph. I’ve gone over the practice materials for the Phase I and am confident I could succeed.

If my resume is lackluster, I’ve been thinking of going back to school to attain a masters degree, what in I have no nailed down yet, most definitely not criminal justice.

Thoughts and advice are much appreciated! Thank you.

For context, I (M26) have been dealing with inconsistent mental health for about 10 years now. I enter in depressive sort of episodes, sometimes they last a week, longest was about six months. Usually they come following an inciting incident (death of a pet, rejection, bad semester at school). Most consistent symptom is suicidal ideation, which persists outside of these periods. It also tends to leave me feeling lethargic, disinterested and hopeless.

My struggle recently is that the episodes have been coming on more sporadically. About 4 years ago, my longterm girlfriend of 3 years left me, and ever since my mental health has been worse, less predictable, and hard to manage. I’ve never really managed to pull my life back together after that.

Lately I feel very disorientated. Like there are two of me. There is me, and I’m not altogether overly happy, but I can experience what I guess I would call contentment, and some amount of joy. Then there is this other me that’s intensely miserable, that sways between angry and sad, and when I’m in the place I can’t remember what it’s like outside of that. When I ask myself “have I ever really been happy?” I find myself saying no, but I have these memories that contradict that conclusion, but it’s like I can’t remember what it feels like? I’m about a week into one of these episodes right now.

I’ve never actually been diagnosed with more than mild anxiety, but I guess part of that is that I wasn’t overly honest with my last doctor. I go through a lot of efforts to hide how I feel from my family, and the people around me, which is itself exhausting. I just worry how it might impact things. I haven’t been to a doctor in several years, and don’t currently take any medications. I have a lot of fears of becoming over medicated I guess.

I know this is probably a lot, but I guess maybe I’m just looking to hear some thoughts from outside of my own head.