u/Puzzled_Speaker_2886

I am getting uncomfortable with my MIL crying everytime she feels like my husband is neglecting him even when he is not.

They have weekly 3-hour calls every Saturday to which I am okay with but these past two Saturdays he had to leave the call early because we had plans. The last Saturday is when he came with me to tour my foreigner friends who visited our city.

His sister texted him and said make effort for their mom in cases when he could not stay long for their Saturday calls because their mother was missing him and was crying to her.

I felt so appalled by the behavior because I found it irrational that he was still highly present, even managed to spend an hour for them despite us having a schedule, even called her for Mother’s day and somehow it is still not enough. I’m not saying she is not allowed to miss his son but why is she stirring up drama and making it seem like her son no longer has time for her despite having weekly contact? She should have been thankful my husband still picked up those calls and not skipped them entirely. In my family, if we miss someone, we check up on them, we initiate, we do not complain about them to another family member and make that family member a communicator of guilt, prompting them to overcompensate. The phone always works both ways.

I told my husband I feel like everytime we spend a Saturday like a normal couple who want to have fun outside, his mother will be hurt and will be crying.

He told me it’s just normal for in laws to be jealous of their sons’ wives or daughters’ husbands and that she just needs time. We are half a year married now. So I feel like as time goes by, it will get worse. She will keep finding reasons to cry over so that she can keep her status as the main woman in his life.

I’m starting to dislike my mother-in-law.

When my husband (31) and I (30) got engaged, she wanted to transfer their land title to his name before our actual wedding because “she knows he wouldn’t be selfish and share it with his sisters”. His two sisters are both married to irresponsible men so they don’t want them to have a share in that land. I do not care though because I can work and save up for our own house and lot. It was just really telling. I feel like this is because this would be a pre-marital asset and I wouldn’t have a right to it.

Before he proposed, his mother made him renovate her family home. I thought this signified limiting the financial assistance they get from my husband (240 to 480+ USD per month) and that this would be the last big favor they would ask of him before they let him go to live his own life with his chosen wife.

We are married for a few months now and the financial assistance significantly dropped to 80 to160 USD per month. Last January, he sent 160USD and her mother was asking where is her insurance money (17USD) and my husband replied it’s already included in the 160 USD. Now, she told his other sibling that he is being angry when allowance is being brought up but I honestly did not see any anger from my husband’s response. To his mother, it came across as “It’s already included in the 160 USD, don’t complain anymore”. It turned me off because why is my husband being painted as a neglectful son. For context, she has no other source of income except for her farm.

Just this month, I learned from her sister that their mom wanted to have the normal allowance reinstated. I felt like this was a total disrespectful and disregard to the life we are building together as a married couple. I brought up the inconsideration to my husband and he just defended her by saying it’s not inconsiderate, they just want help, and that if they were inconsiderate they would insist on asking that amount. But for me, that mere expectation from a married man itself is inconsideration of him and his primary family. They also know we are drowning in credit card debt but never did I hear his mother tell him to focus on being solvent or focus on his wife now. As a matter of fact she also receives 160USD per month from her other child. My husband even told me that their mother was telling them all she is doing (the farming) is for her children, not for herself. That she is doing all this so that she can leave a legacy for her children. But tbh, i see my husband leaking a huge money monthly that could have just went to personal savings or could have been used to pay credit card debts.

He told me that before I even came to the picture, she made him promise he will not abandon her. And he isn’t exactly abandoning her. There’s just boundaries right now. I asked him to please reiterate to his mom that I am now his new priority. He just told me to let him do it in his own pace.

This argument quieted down until recently his sister told him their mother was crying because she misses him and that he should make an effort to call her. They have a 2 to 3 hours video call every Saturday but these past two Saturdays my husband and I had our own plans. The first Saturday, he picked me up after an event and we dined outside. Even so, he was able to join the call and speak for about an hour or so. He even told me that when he picked up, he was the only sibling in the call and he told his mom “I’m outside” to which his mom threw a tantrum and said “I won’t be calling you guys anymore.” The next Saturday, we went out to see my friends. Before we headed out, he still joined their video call. The next day he also called them for a few minutes while we were having dinner outside.

My husband has never neglected her and was highly present. It is disturbing that she would stage a crying fit to his sister instead of just messaging my husband that she misses him. I feel like she is guilt-tripping him so that she remains as the main woman in his life.

My husband defends all this saying it’s normal for parents to miss their child. I am pointing out the irrationally because he was there two Saturdays and one Sunday and why is that not enough. I am being painted like a bad guy for feeling like his mother is competing with our weekend plans and I am losing my sanity. It is so exhausting because I feel like my marriage is one guilt trip away from leaking a huge amount of money or adjusting our plans just to appease his mother. And my husband just sees this as a normal and cute tantrum from a sweet and lonely mother who is in her old age.