u/Puzzleheaded-Iron508

I (23M) started dating this girl (25F) during grad school. I had moved to the US six months earlier, and was already dealing with loneliness and suppressed emotions. I started dating her while I was actively attending therapy.

We had spent a lot of time together before she confessed her feelings to me, but she was skeptical of getting into a relationship because
- We were going to be in school only for 9 more months
- Only had 3 months before summer break, which we were likely to spend in different cities
- Had no surety of ending up in the same city after graduation

I convinced her otherwise to give it a shot, and so we started dating. The next few weeks were a roller coaster of emotions. Every alternate day she would blame me for some mistake, and I would feel a wave of emotions. Both of us were under stress due to academic reasons but she was handling it much worse than me. I mentioned these things to my therapist who suggested that we were not communicating, and did not set the right expectations from being friends to dating . When I pointed this out to her, she understood and things seemed a little less roller coaster like but they were still tumultuous.

Before heading for summer break we made it clear that we will not date during this break, and will decide when we get back if we still have feelings for each other. I ended up in a small town without a car, and she ended up in a big city with lots of things to do. We face timed each other daily, but there were periods when she got agitated by something I said and would block me for weeks. That was the worst summer of my life, and I also didn't have access to my therapist. Once, she blocked me for 3 weeks and then pretended everything was alright, when I spent those weeks calling hotlines to deal with my emotions.

When we returned to school after summer break, I was really excited to see her, but it seemed she was not excited to see me. After a few weeks, it was clear that we were not dating but I had feelings for her, and she did for me. We spent almost all of that time together.

After we graduated, we ended up staying back for a while so that we could job hunt, where our relationship transformed into a fwb situation (with strings attached!?). It looked like we were in a situationship.

A few months later we both moved to different cities for jobs, and ended up face timing each other everyday. During this time she went out on a couple of dates, and talked to me about it. I joked that I was jealous (which I truly was) and she understood that we both had feelings for each other (or so I thought). She mentioned that she would be jealous if I started dating someone else. I ended up going to visit her and stayed at her place, where I was welcomed (but her actions made it seem I wasn't). She didn't prepare for my arrival, and it seemed she didn't really care for me and was a bad host.

A month after that she asked me if I still wanted to marry her in the future (we were both only interested in long term dating), and at this point I was very confused because all my efforts always seemed one sided and so I didn't know what to feel. I told her I didn't know. Fast forward to, a couple of days ago, she started dating this guy she was seeing, which she talked to me about, and I told her I was happy for her.

I am NOT. I am heartbroken, and I don't understand what is wrong with me. It doesn't seem like she is sad about our relationship/situationship at all. Why do I feel this huge wave of emotions, and all the signs of heartbreak? Am I overthinking this or there was nothing to care about in the first place?

I also don't know how to move forward? Should I keep in touch with her? Should I pretend that things are normal and I'm doing fine. In the past two days, I've come close to a breakdown twice, but I've held it in since I'm at work. I'm also terrible at making friends and she was the only person that I've been the most vulnerable about my feelings with. I don't know what to do.