u/Puzzleheaded_Angle84

My partner will be on a family vacation for a week coming up (something I already feel immense amount of remorse not going on), and I’ll be left at home alone for a week. He’s my best friend, my source of comfort, my home - and we’ve never spent time apart like this before. The longest being overnight apart at most. I’m having a lot of trouble processing how I’m going to handle being alone - I tried to put a twist on it and say I’m going to get all this stuff done around the house for him to come back to, clean up the year, workout after work to pass the time, binge some shows, and by the time I know it it’ll be time to pick him up. But I’m still sad.

I’m so upset…

My partner is leaving this week to go to Nevada for a trip with his family. They are going to an absolutely gorgeous park and will be there for about a week coming back next weekend.

I have a very heightened GAD around flying/planes. And it won this time…I’m not tagging along for this trip and I’m so upset thinking about all the memories they’ll be making and everything I’ll be missing out on. I’ve made the trip to Nevada before with him and just dealt with my discomfort and cried basically the entire flight, had a death grip on the armrests, and literally sat stiff the entire time. But I did it…

It’s too late to change now due to work schedule and other stuff I planned in his absence, but I can’t stop crying. It’s a mix of emotions I don’t know how to process:

- my fear of flying closed the door on something i wanted to be part of
- there’s grief around missing experiences and memories they’ll have
- there’s sadness about not seeing people I care about
- there’s loneliness because he’ll be gone for over a week
- there’s frustration toward myself because my anxiety won and now I’m missing out and paying for it

I’m so sick and tired of the weight this fear holds over my life…