u/Quick-Shelter-2698

Just want to know if I’m in the wrong and AIO?

My husband wants to purchase a brand-new diesel truck, which I’m not completely against, but I’m not sure this is the best time financially to do so. He asked for my thoughts, and I told him I’d like for us to sit down and go over our finances together to see if it’s a smart decision right now. This truck would nearly double his current truck payment. On top of that, we’re also preparing to add a $550 monthly payment for our son to attend private school this coming year — something my husband strongly wanted. We’re still waiting to hear back about financial aid and whether we’ll receive a grant.
I suggested we wait until August or September to purchase the truck so we can have a clearer picture of our finances first. My husband isn’t okay with that answer. He works in sales as a independent contractor and says purchasing the truck would help with our income and taxes. I haven’t told him “no” to the truck — I’ve only said I want us to be thoughtful and make sure it’s the right financial move before committing.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, although I do have my nursing degree. We made the decision for me to stay home because childcare for our children would cost around $2,000 a month. Since I haven’t immediately agreed to the truck, he says I don’t believe in him or support him financially. Meanwhile, he’s been test driving the truck, bringing it around the kids to show them, getting them excited about it, and constantly sending me texts and pictures about the payments and the truck itself.
What’s been hardest for me is how he’s handled the disagreement. He’s been disrespectful, calling me names, cussing at me, hanging up on me, and saying we should “just end things” because I’m not letting him get his way. He’s told me he wants a wife who supports him in the things he wants, like this truck. But I do support him — I just also don’t want us making a poor financial decision that could negatively affect our family later.
I grew up watching my parents make bad financial decisions, and I don’t want my children to grow up in that same kind of instability. We are financially comfortable right now, but life is unpredictable, and I think it’s reasonable to want to sit down, write out all of our expenses, and carefully think this through before taking on a much larger payment.
When I suggested we review everything together financially, he told me he “doesn’t have time” and that he doesn’t care what I say because he’s going to get the truck anyway. At this point, I’m questioning myself and wondering if I’m overreacting by wanting to slow down and think carefully before making such a big financial commitment. I’m also questioning whether I’m somehow being unsupportive because I’m not immediately saying yes.
This situation has my nervous system completely overwhelmed. I already struggle with anxiety, and the constant pressure, yelling, cussing, belittling, and raised voices around the kids are making it much worse. It honestly feels like he’s trying to make me feel guilty enough that I eventually give in and say yes.

OK, so I want to know if I’m overreacting…

Today I was on my computer, and when I clicked into the search bar, the search history showed “OneDrive Personal Vault,” which I understand is a place on OneDrive where you can store files with extra security. I thought that was odd, but I’m not 100% sure if it’s connected to my husband’s phone since the Google account is linked to it.

Instead of going through his phone behind his back, I chose to talk to him. I told him I wanted to speak in person so he could show me whether he has it or not—so there’s no confusion or opportunity for anything to be deleted. He got very upset and said, “I can’t stand when people question me. It’s like if you’re going to question me about cheating or doing something behind your back, I might as well be doing something because I’m being accused.” I thought that was strange because I never accused him of cheating. I just wanted clarity and reassurance. I didn’t even tell him what I needed to talk about.

For context, there is some history. About a year ago—when I was three weeks postpartum—I found a locked app on his phone. I managed to get into it, and it contained photos of other women who were nude or in lingerie. It wasn’t typical website porn; they were personal photos. He said they were sent to him in the past from previous relationships or situationships. We’ve been married almost eight years and together for nearly ten, and we worked through that situation. He did delete the photos and the app infront of me.

Because of that, I feel more anxious now and worry that something similar could be happening again. I just want peace of mind. He also told me on the phone that I’m not allowed to look through his phone, which bothered me. I told him that if I ever needed to quickly look something up and my phone wasn’t nearby, I might use his. He said that if it were him, he would just go get his own phone instead of using mine. I understand that perspective, but if he ever wanted to look at my phone, I would gladly hand it to him because I have nothing to hide.

I haven’t looked through his phone in a while, and I’m not trying to. I simply want to know if he has that Personal Vault. I understand that everyone is entitled to privacy, but being told I’m not allowed on his phone at all feels off—especially when I wasn’t even asking to go through it, just to talk about something so I don’t get upset over something that may not even be relevant.