u/Quiet-Particular-783

I woke up after two days. Or after a week. I don't know. Slowly, I stood up on the cold floor, and at that moment I realised that not only was I not wearing socks, but my clothes were tossed on the chair by the bed. I tore off those rags they had dressed me in and put on my own things. It is dark in the room. Dusk. A sliver of light filtered from under the door. It was warm, yellowish, not cold like it usually is in places like this. It wasn’t repulsive, I had a feeling that something good would happen if I went toward it. The scent of a fresh cake hit my nose. I closed my eyes, and memories from my childhood flooded my mind. Apricot cake from my grandmother, which I never liked, but I never had the heart to tell her. So, I ate every next piece she offered with a smile. She returned that same smile just because I looked at her. That little bit was enough for her piece of happiness. I think it’s because she never had much of it. Isn't that pathetic? To spend half of your life in poverty and the other half in loneliness. Why are some people just happy and others are not? Why hasn't someone happy written a book with a sincere recipe for happiness, so that everyone in the world could be happy together?
I swallowed the lump in my throat, which was starting to hurt, and blinked quickly a few times to sharpen my vision again. I’ve already made my choice, it is too late to change it.
I walked over to the window, which, surprisingly, opened easily. Nothing is stopping me, it’s all up to me. I leaned out, but I couldn't see the ground, despite that, I remained completely calm inside. It didn't rattle me, it’s fine. I stood up on the windowsill, holding tightly to the window frame. One last time, I looked back at the light in the crack under the door and told myself it was fine. I stepped out of the window, I wasn't falling, nor was I floating. I felt nothing. The air wasn't cold, nor was it warm, it was just right. I took a deep breath, "it's a bit stuffy here," I said to myself, but that’s fine. I tried to walk, but I couldn't move my legs. I tried to grab onto something, but I couldn't feel my hands. I tried to scream, but I couldn't catch my breath. And so, I closed my eyes and waited.
In a short while, or maybe a long one, time seemed distorted, I don't know if 3 hours or 3 years passed, I felt soft ground beneath me. It gently gave way under me, like sand. Yes, it was sand, the first thought that came to my mind was that I was in an endless desert. Soon, however, I heard the sound of the sea, the waves washing over the shore never-ending. They were followed by the shouting of children, I took a breath, I hate that sound. Despite that, I looked around and saw two children and an adult man. A father. They were laughing and he... he was laughing too. He was smiling, even though they were loud and annoying. I stood at a safe distance so as not to disturb their happy moment. I bit my lip but felt nothing, a few seconds later, the image before my eyes blurred, and I felt warm tears on my cheeks. It shouldn’t be like this. This isn’t how it goes. Why is he laughing? Why is he looking at them like that? What do they have that I don't? I quickly wiped the tears away from my eyes, but there was no one there. No one was laughing, no one was even smiling at me, and the children's shouting was swallowed by the darkness.
The ground was hard as rock, yet it was shifting, it was gravel. In the distance, I saw figures, women, maybe girls. Judging by the pitch of their voices, they were my age. They looked so happy and although I couldn't see them, each of them radiated something different. Confidence beamed from their laughter, and I realized that I knew them. It’s them, and I belong with them after all, we will laugh together. My feet felt as if they were glued to the ground, but I moved. I ran, but in that stuffiness, it was impossible to breathe. Three steps inhale, four steps exhale, gravel started pouring from above. I looked up, covering my face so the small stones wouldn't hurt my eyes, only to find out that I was falling along with them.
I landed on soft, wet grass. Was it dew, or had it rained? I looked up to see if the sun was shining, but I couldn't see anything. That’s fine, I turned my gaze to the grass and spotted a ladybug in it. It was bright red and proudly wore its black spots. I watched it for a moment, it looked content. At least I think so, I couldn't see its face. Gently, I extended my finger toward it, without hesitation, it climbed onto it and continued into my palm. I smiled, it was sweet how blindly it surrendered itself to me. It was halfway through crossing the span of my entire palm when I squeezed it tightly into my fist. I didn't take my eyes off my hand while I waited for the ladybug to crawl out of it, but nothing happened. I waited for a long time, and it started to annoy me that the ladybug wasn't trying to break free. Why isn't it moving? Slowly, I opened my fist, but before I could see what had happened to the ladybug, a light blinded me. I covered my eyes, the insect long forgotten, and tried to figure out what was happening. I came to no conclusion, I felt things changing around me, the light vanished, but I remained kneeling motionlessly in space. I was too blinded to pay attention to the world around me. My legs hurt too much to walk any further. I was too tired to think about what I would do now. I was missing too much light not to stay in the dark.