u/Quiet_Assistance_510

I'm a miserable, jaded asshole now. I can't be happy about anything, I don't like anybody, or anything. I hate the world, I hate myself, I hate my family, people I thougjt were friends. And it's because I fucking see the connections everything has to the capitalist genocide torment nexus machine.

There is no detaching any action or word or thought from the system. The personal is political and so everything is political.

PEOPLE SHOULDNT BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU BOURGEOIS SUPPORTING PIGS GRILL AND SMILE AND ENJOY THINGS, THE WORLD IS FUCKING ENDING. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

The past few months have just been astronomically worse than I think it's ever been for me. I can barely function outside of work, any time I have off I spend just in bed, trying to sleep or just straight up rotting. I want to read theory but everything just feels so heavy and painful that I can't even will myself to pick up the book I bought *three fucking months ago*, sitting *right there on my nightstand*. And the migraines, the fucking migraines that I don't even know where they came from, but they hit me specifically when I'm not working for some reason. Lord forbid I want to do anything, I want to clean my room, or read, or even fucking play video games with my friends that I only have online because I'm also too fucking tired to go outside and meet people, because I get migraines that make me want to just curl into a ball and die.

I'm useless as a revolutionary, I'm barely functional as a prole. I can't organize in this state, I can't defend myself or others in this state.

I'm fucking tired. Everything hurts.