How can I (f22) leave my partner (m23) when we have a house together?
Hello! I need to leave my current partner. We’ve been together for 4 years, lived together for 3 years, and recently bought a house together 3 months ago. We also have 3 cats together, and one shared checking account which we use for house bills (we have our own accounts outside of this).
Some backstory: The first half of our relationship was great! My family loved him, he was very supportive of all of my decisions, and I could tell that he really loved and cared about me. We would go on dates, talk for hours on end, cuddle on the couch and watch movies weekly, the whole 9 yards. We got our first apartment together about 9 months after getting together (I know, super soon, but it just sort of fell into our hands and was perfect for us at the time.)
About a year into living at the apartment, I lost my job and soon after ended up having surgery. I was unemployed for 8 months, and during that time I was actively applying for jobs and taking care of all of the housework. He sent me money regularly and never made me feel like a burden. He was truly amazing. About 4 months into my unemployment he began drinking alcohol HEAVILY. He used to be an alcoholic, so we never really had any in the house, but within two weeks he was known as a new regular at the liquor store.
During this time he got mean, aggressive, and was overall not the type of person I wanted to spend time with.
One incident stands out to me from this time (this made him try to get sober again). We had been arguing since I got home from work because he had been day drinking all day and didn’t do anything around the house (I worked out of town when I did finally get a job). He then went to bed. About two hours later I was finishing up the tasks he didn’t get to, and when I came out of the bathroom he had somehow snuck past me down the hallway and was PEEING on the dining table. In the middle of the kitchen. I kicked him out that night and made him sleep in his car.
When we moved into this house he was about 2 months sober, and had hoped that a change of scenery would help kick the cravings. It didn’t. Within the last month, he’s started drinking heavily again, and tonight was my final straw. He began drinking at around 9pm after I had gotten home from work. At first he was being affectionate, but not in a “I missed you” way but in a “I want you” way, and I don’t do that business when one party is intoxicated and the other is not. I shut him down and he began calling me names (childish, annoying, bitch, etc.) but then he made me dinner and was super sweet about it all.
He went to bed and then it started storming, he loves storms so I woke him up and asked if he wanted me to turn off the TV so he could see it. He said no and that he needed to go to the bathroom. I said okay and he went, but I stayed in the bedroom to look out that window as it’s the only window that faces the street. When I went out to go finish what I was doing, I saw him coming out of my office. I didn’t hear the toilet flush.
I immediately knew what happened and stormed into my office to find the window open a crack and pee all over the window, window sill, and wall, and the floor by the window. HE PISSED OUT OF MY WINDOW.
Anyways I cleaned it, cried, debated leaving him right then and there, and now I’m making this post. I also just found his stash and dumped all of it outside and I know the rain will wash it away. Tomorrow is garbage day so at least there won’t be evidence of that.
Anyways I want to leave him as quickly as possible, but we JUST got fully unpacked and my family is 3+ hours away. Also a first time homeowner and unsure how to go about leaving with the house. Any advice would be appreciated, especially from anyone who has been in this situation before. Thanks!
Tl/Dr: My boyfriend is an alcoholic who relapsed. This specific relapse made him piss out of my office window, and I had to clean it before it soaked into the carpet. We own a home together. How do I leave him and sell the house?