I just don't know
Hi mums,
I just want to write my thoughts 'out loud'.
I have a son of 18months and he is an absolute dream. I love him so much and he was my dream forever. I wanted to be a young mom (and I am) but I always had it in my head that I would be 25 with my first and honestly it would be enough.
But my husband wanted to wait a little to travel and get our lives started on a good foot, fair. It was a little mweh but still fine. I just said after 30 im not doing it anymore. So 2 before 30 was my new goal.
Then he surprised me with a ring and I said yes. And we started trying when I was 25. This was hard on me because it took 12 months.... and then I had a miscarriage. Because I did not want to have a big belly on my special day we decided on waiting a few months so we started trying in the year 2024, and then I got pregnant after two months (2 weeks after the wedding we knew) and all was good. I was 26 and turning 27 in 2024. Perfect.
My son arrived in feb 2025 and it was en still is my greatest blessing. I started noticing that a second Child was not in my mind and decided the first year we wanted to fully focus on our son. His 1st bday came around and we started trying but honestly it felt different. It is not really a desire anymore, but I want a second one. But the headache of tracking and dissappointments every month is really annoying and I get very sad... I am an only Child and honest to god I did not miss a brother/sister because I had my friends.
Its feeling more and more that I need to achieve my deadline for my 30th bday in November 2027.. and every month is not happening I get very sad and I just don't know if its worth it. I dont really know why I care that I could be older than 30 with a second. I just hate the dissapointments and now even more when already have a healthy son.
Kind of a long story, but I just needed to vent.