34M, lived in US and Canada for 12 years. Returned to India in 2024 for aging parents in Uttarakhand. But struggling to cope up in Bangalore, and arranged marriage setup brings another complexity.
Only son of my parents who are in mid 70s. I am a Canadian citizen of Indian origin, living and working in India for last 2 years (June 2024). I was 20 years old when i went to US for studies, worked and lived in US and Canada till age of 32. I grew up in Uttarakhand, studied there and never lived in a tier-1 city in India before. Till June 2025, I was living and working remotely in Uttarakhand with my parents. But ultimately I was forced to move to Bangalore as remote work was not an option.
Till the time, I lived in my small hometown in Uttarakhand close to parents, I was happy. Despite the issues, I was happy living with parents and seeing them everyday. People in tier 2 and 3 cities in Uttarakhand are friendly, and I would drive to mountains for peace and nature which I became used to in US and Canada.
But I am getting chronically depressed from last 1 year after moving to Bangalore. I cannot just grasp the society, lifestyle, performative people and judgement. I recently went to my company US HQ for 1 month, and I have been more depressed after coming back. In US, I felt like I had reached my home, and in Bangalore I get vibe of a foreign place. I have started to feel even more suffocated. Right now, I go to home every month for 10 days, spend 35 to 40K INR just on travel. But this won't be a feasible thing once you are married and have family. Parents refuse to move in Bangalore, even in separate house. And I understand that, even I miss the peace, tranquillity and simplicity of tier2 and 3 city people in India.
Another aspect is marriage. My parents think once I am married things would settle down and I would start to like this place. I talked to a few girls, and there seems to be a cultural disconnect. Lot of them think I would be speaking in American accent, or going to starbucks or hanging out in malls all day. It's like they think of west as like this as media portrays rather than independence, respect for others, work-life balance. So I have now started to look for girls, who have at least studied or at least spent some time outside India. Right now, I am talking to a girl. She is nice and understanding, and I really like her. She likes nature, painting and a simple life. She says she has been looking for 4 years and for the first time she has found someone she can vibe with. But there is a clear divergence on certain aspects based on cultural PoV. Like she said she hates ambitious people, because they ignore their family, work long hours, treats their kids like burden and send them to boarding school. While to me, an ambitious person is who constantly trying to make sure their career trajectory is going right as they want 5 years down the line, and avoid stagnation. But after work hours, all their time is for their family. There are lot of such different PoV on other topics, which she looks from an Indian PoV while I do from a western PoV.
So I have two questions - immediate and long term. I am planning to meet this girl again (as she refuses video call), and discuss openly about this, my citizenship. I think she feels my discomfort in Bangalore is since I am alone here, but the truth is I was alone in US and Canada too but never felt like this.
On long term, my question is what should I do. Right now, I am running to home every month. But if I am married, I would be going to Uttarakhand maybe once or twice in year. In US, I would be doing the same meeting parents once in a year. But in US or even Canada, I can at least relate to day to day basis, at end of day I can walk in nature, sit near a lake.
I know this question is vague and confusing but any insight is appreciated. Thanks