I'm broken
How do I find people for relationships? Like, I get so anxious speaking to people in a just a talking way, like out of work mode. I'm scared to run out of things to say, I can't do what my therapist suggested because that would just be weirder than talking to them. (She suggested I just go to the store and randomly strike conversations.) I'm working so often that my social battery is always drained. And my last relationship turned sour because I couldn't deal with saliva. My family just went to "oh. well, the start of relationships is a lot of kissing so you'll just have to deal with it." but I can't. I really want to be normal. Have friends, find a boyfriend, get married at some point. But I was informed that I probably will never have the same kind of attachment to people as other people do. I want to live(like have relationships, have fun, and exist in a good way), but I'm just barely alive wanting nothing to do with existence if it means I'll probably never find another human who I can share my life with.
(Edit: Oh I should mention this was another idea by my therapist that I should either vent, seek advice, or talk with others who are autistic. So, I figured this was the best route.)