u/Rare-Television5941

I'm(17F) currently in matric and pretty much failing. Theres never been a moment where I passed well, never been a moment where I've made anyone proud. I'd always tell myself that there's always next term or next year but now times running out, there is no next year anymore, I have to start improving now.

To get an idea of the kind of person I am, this is what I have trouble with.

•Emotional regulation •Task initiation •Time management •Prioritization/planning •Hygeine •Working memory

It's easy for me to spend more than 11+ hours in bed, leave and still be exhausted. It's easy for me to lose control of my emotions and possibly overreact, this is most common when my stress ball is taken or nowhere to be seen, other than that I do try to hold myself together but I still come off as passive aggressive and even holding back tears. I don't really hear or remember much of what's said at school, I haven't applied for university because I misplaced my report (like many other things) I'm pretty much a mess so you can imagine how hellish it is attending classes from 6 until 4 O'clock. I have the desire to change, I WANT to change and be better yet nothing ever happens, no action is ever taken.

It really sucks how there's very little assistance or pretty much zero accommodation or ANYTHING to help me or people like me to get through. I literally got 14% in June because I gave up on studying, why? I knew that I wouldn't be able to close the gap between action and thought no matter how much I wanted. So it always feels tiresome when some teachers resort to beatings, obviously it scares me but I've now found a way to get around that pain, "it won't last forever" is what pops up in my mind. It's a temporary solution(beating/corporal punishment) that works to some extent but in the long run, it doesn't change much.

If anyone has went through this same experience and is now living a pretty good(or decent) life in the country, please any suggestions would work since trial is coming next week.

I'm 17F. My mom is in her early 60s, she's someone who values the thoughts and opinions of other people, perhaps too much. So she always has to be presentable and feels immediate shame when I walk out and don't act "presentable" which is just her over reacting or at least in my honest view. When it comes to my wardrobe, I'm free to choose what I wear but to a certain extent. When wearing dresses, I always have to change what I wear, or cover my shoulders,she may not say it directly but it's clear that she doesn't want me to be out and revealing,this is most prevalent when going to church, mind you, I'm wearing a flower dress with a simple shoulder straps(not even the thin ones) , it's clear she worries about what the old grandmas will think and what's me to appear more reserved and what not.

There are even times where she says that I don't love myself like I'm not wearing anything transparent and why would I worry so much about my behind? It's weird that people are staring at my behind and having such thoughts, I don't see why I have to be the one to make extra effort and go find tights(silk or wool made black shorts that they sell at Mr price or Ackermans) I always knew the older generation had conservative ideas but I always saw it in media and not so much in person​ but this is too much and it's even making me uncomfortable,now I'm wearing loose sweatpants that don't belong to me, simply to cover myself up "better". ​​​what are your thoughts on this?

So I'm just gonna list out what I struggle with as a 17F:

• Task initiation

• Time management

• Planning

• Hygiene

• Emotional regulation

• Memory​​​

I haven't been doing well, since April I've been struggling,I've had dark thoughts and eventually I started visiting a psychpsychologist,in the first two visits however I never actively changed. Now I stopped going to the clinic for a bit but my teacher insisted that I go back to the clinic,okay fine I went back today on Saturday.

Now during the conversation and even after, it felt confusing and troubling. Now he said that I don't have any condition or any neurodevelopmental disorder which is fine, it's okay if that's the case. He told me that I'm no different from other peers, that many others are going the same struggle as me. We talk about hygiene and I'm like "So I have to pick up a brush...and toothpaste?" He's nodding his head, emphasising how it's a basic task, how it's important and that as a privileged person and one at my age should be able to do all of these things.​​​​​​​​​

Looking back at the conversation, I feel rather displeased and it's not because they're saying the truth in which I don't feel validated in but rather it feels like he's minimising my issues. He talks about all of these different tasks and things to do and yet to me—these tasks that​ are important and frankly should be easy to do​,I'm still struggling to do them. It's clear that he never really had to look at a tooth brush and debate on whether to brush his teeth or not the same as I do. He says I reason too much on things that don't need much reasoning but this is simply the way...I am.​​​​​

I don't want any specific diagnosis but I also don't appreciate how he spoke about my experiences. Yes thousands of people go through​​​​ what I'm experiencing but it doesn't make my situation any better. So maybe I do want validation and to simply be understood. I'm already tired and I sleep a lot, I struggle to do things which I KNOW I shouldn't even be struggling with but it's not like I want to go through this but seeing a literal professional and still feeling a bit misunderstood or that he's not tackling the problem is what bothers me. He emphasizes so much on the importance of these things and how I should be planning beforehand and yet I don't really see HOW exactly I should be doing all of those things. ​​​I still feel lost and he's right about one thing,if I don't make any change or progress we're just gonna be repeating the same old conversation. Idk, I guess I'm just feeling lost. At this point where can I really go with my life?Exams are around the corner and help won't be coming in soon.​