u/Ready-Ad214

I posted a few weeks ago how I wanted to break up with someone when they told me they had BPD. Here's how it went...(content warning: sexual content)

We had the conversation face to face. I didn't want to trigger her so didn't make any mention of BPD being the reason. After initially not taking it well, she seemed to accept it, and agreed try just being friends.

It seemed fine. A few days after that she sent me a drunk text asking if we could still sleep together. I politely declined. That was our last direct interaction.

She is a talented artist, and several days later she published a video, to her public Instagram art page, of her revealing her latest work - a life-size nude portrait of me (minus the face) covered in text from her diary entries.

The diary entries cover the period of time we were dating, from a positive account of our first date (I am a "cute nerd" and she felt "immediately comfortable" with me) to more anxious entries about how I was "pulling away", right down to angry rants after I broke it off with her.

This could have been a cool piece of art...but it made mention of my full name several times, and also included incredibly explict and detailed descriptions of my genitals, graphic descriptions of sex acts we performed on each other, and several unhinged passages about how she planned to "confuse me so I'd come running back and give her control" and even plans on how she planned to seduce my close friends as an act of revenge.

She made several further posts about it, with close-up details, a vlog style video about why she made it (to humiliate me - her exact words) and even showed up at a concert she knew I'd be at - run by the one of the guys she planned to seduce. She also turned up with another acquaintance of mine who she didn't know until very recently...I've got a sneaking suspicion she only befriended her to spite me in some weird way.

Eventually she took down all posts referring to it but it was publicly exhibited in her art studio for nearly two weeks, and visible online for all that time too. She only took it down when one of my close friends commented on it calling her out.

I wrote a complaint to the studio but it hasn't even been acknowledged. She sent an apology to the guy she threatened to seduce...but nothing to me.

So it's been pretty insane!! All this from trying to avoid further BPD abuse, and I got it anyway...in the weirdest, most embarrassing way.

Short backstory: I recently dated somebody for ~2 months. I broke it off - pleasantly - after observing some 'red flags' and general incompatibilities. They did not take it well but seemed to adjust to the idea of remaining friends. A few days later they sent me a text drunkenly proposing we continue to have sex. I politely declined.

Several days later, they posted a video and close-up detailed photos, of a life-size nude portrait they had painted of me - minus the head/face - on their public Instagram page (they are a local artist with a grant from an arts & social project).

Surrounding the portrait are extracts from their diary - they detail our first dates and the tone is pleasant, flattering even. As they continue, they become increasingly sexually explicit, including detailed descriptions of my genitals and acts we performed on each other. Again, they are positive in nature and generally praise my physical form and abilities.

Then they become increasingly angry that I ended our relationship, calling me names while also expressing a desire to continue having sex, with graphic descriptions of what they want me to do to them. They also state an intention to continue to pursue me, 'mess with my brain' and 'make me confused', to try to bring me back (additionally, this person has now twice turned up at venues I attend, that they had never been to before, when they knew I was in attendance. They have also previously been cautioned by police for harassment of an ex-partner).

I did not pose for or consent to this portrait being made, and I certainly did not consent to it being posted on social media. My name is redacted in several places but highly visible in block capitals in one location, and my full name is visible in two locations, one of them on the rear of the canvas.

I initially planned to ignore it, but it was posted publicly, with my full name attached to it, and is being 'liked' and praised by multiple other artists as well as civic leaders, local community members and even some people I considered friends, and it doesn't seem like a single person has questioned it.

I'm not sure if this constitutes revenge porn, and slander is unlikely as it contains no untruths, but it does concern me. I am not sure if it is still on display in their studio but the posts remain online. What are my options here?

The backstory - I (32M) been seeing someone (28F) for about 8 weeks. She has a lot of hobbies, good relationship with parents and generally a sense of indepence and maturity. When we got physical it was slow and steady, not super-sexbombing. A couple of minor things raised alarm bells but I put it down to hypervigilance.

Recently she told me she had a BPD diagnosis as a teenager, after I'd told her about my last relationship (discard/monkey branch/smear campaign/false allegations which nearly destroyed me). She has clearly done a lot of work to better herself, even expressing regret with how she's treated people in the past.

I'm grateful that she was honest with me, but I'm not sure I want to progress the relationship any further. I like her as a person, but the prospect of entering another relationship with someone with BPD scares me - not because I'm expecting her to hurt me, but because I'd rather remain friends than risk a disastrous relationship in which I either abandon myself again or end it two weeks in after I start to see old patterns emerging.

I want to be honest with her that the problem is the disorder, not her as a person, but I also don't want her to feel like I'm discriminating against her. Does anyone have any experience/advice on handling a situation like this?