AITA for telling my friend she lost my respect after repeated neglect for her pet?
My friend Simone (24F) has a cat named Bo. When she first got him two years ago I told her to get his microchip activated, knowing that her household has always let him go in and out freely. She never did it. For two years she had an indoor outdoor cat with no activated microchip despite me flagging it from the very beginning. Earlier this year Bo was visibly injured, limping badly. I urged her to take him to the vet and she kept deflecting with things like “we’re poor,” “he’ll get better,” and “dad said not to do anything rash.” This went on repeatedly until Bo started urinating blood. Even then, when she finally agreed to go, she said she was hungry and hadn’t eaten all day, so she made herself a full meal and sat down to eat before we left. This was not a quick snack, she made me wait while her cat was bleeding. I even offered to pay for the vet visit and she refused. I told her that if this was becoming too much she should consider rehoming him. She responded saying she loves him and doesn’t want to give him up, and at some point even admitted she was being selfish about it. Honestly I think she should have rehomed him already at that point given how long she let him suffer. It turned out to be a fracture, which was best case scenario, but it could have been so much worse. I was already deeply uncomfortable with how she handled that situation. Fast forward to last week, her graduation. My partner and I spent the whole day with her celebrating. On the way home as we were dropping her off, she mentioned almost as an afterthought that Bo had gone missing. She found out that morning. She had spent the entire day celebrating, hadn’t posted any flyers, hadn’t knocked on any doors, hadn’t even mentioned it until we were literally dropping her off at the end of the night. I would not have gone to a graduation party knowing a pet in my care was missing. I don’t think most people would. What makes this worse is the environment Bo is coming home to. When Simone called her sibling to ask if he’d come back, her sibling responded “don’t put it out there, I don’t want him back.” That’s the general attitude of her whole family toward Bo. We ended up in a back and forth over text: Me: Told her she should have rehomed him when he got hurt and that the lack of urgency says a lot. Her: Said they searched the neighborhood and thinks someone found him. Called it limited options, not lack of urgency. Me: Called out the deflection. Said care shows up in urgency and action and consistently that hasn’t been there. Told her especially after the first incident I lost respect for her as a pet owner and someone who cares about living beings. Said I already knew how she’d respond. Said I genuinely hope at 24 she figures this out.
Her: Said she can’t control Bo’s actions and if he doesn’t listen she’s not taking responsibility because she’s done her part. Blamed the housemates for leaving the door open. Said “I understand you have your feelings about this situation but I don’t think putting me down is the right thing to do especially because I’m very stressed about this.” Ended with “I do my best and clearly that isn’t enough, story of my life.”
Her (later): Said they got his microchip activated and told me not to worry.
I genuinely care about Bo. He’s an animal who didn’t choose this situation and has been let down twice now by the people responsible for him. I said what I said because I meant it. She told me I was being too harsh because she was stressed, but reading back through her messages, the stress didn’t really come through. What came through was a focus on why none of it was her fault, why I was wrong to feel how I felt, and ending with “I do my best and clearly that isn’t enough, story of my life.” That’s not someone panicking about a missing pet. I just recently ended the friendship. I told her I needed space but honestly when someone acts like that there would probably just be more conversations like this down the line and I didn’t want that. I don’t want a friend like that in my life. As for Bo, I don’t know if he ever came back. I really hope he is okay. So, AITA?