u/Real_Homework_4531

Get this theres about 30 ppl at our family gathering ,ok so my pit bull starts licking his balls like most dogs would do ,then suddenly mt sisters whimpy boyfriend ses aloud the ol gee i wish i could do that and without missing a beat i then said ,he will probably let you then everyone was cracking up we had a good laugh but now sisters boyfriends bent outta shape and ses i made a fool out of him ,now everybody wants me to apologise my mother n sisters are giving me the stink eye rite now ,anybody got any good suggestions on how to go about resolving this .

Ive just been called a barrel of monkey nuts,what exactly does this mean?

Everyone in the house is pissed off because i cant stop farting(alergic to beano) need help before im homeless.

There areabout 10 hot chicks and 2 beached whales looking at me how do i make an exit without them knowing i justc shit myself too ?

I stopped to chat with the school kids like i always do,im standing there wondering why theyre all looking at me like a deranged pervert ,turns out my fly was down now everyones laughing at me making chester the mollester jokes ,damn it i smoked a fatty took a piss in the bushes and forgot to zip up my fly i swear how can i make them believe me.

My fruitcake room mate came out of the bathroom wearing a towel around his waste,that part was not abnormal or strange ,it was after he dropped a sock ,when he bent over to pick it up a giant sized butt plug fell out of his ass and bounced about onto the floor,i did not need to see that ,how do i deal with this anomoly?

And what should i name it ?

Yep the ol fart with a luquid surprise im on the jobsite what do i do now?

Now my mom's really pissed off ,at me ,I told her duhh ,I'm a dog mom dogs hump legs,she slapped the shit outta me,how do I smooth this over before she tells my dad ,he's gonna beat the shit outta me if he finds out ,I need a good plan fast ???

My mom said so ,how am I gonna get my bark on now ?

Which one do I choose ?