“Telling off” inanimate objects - setting up for a life of victimisation?
I know this sounds so ridiculous but it’s a legit argument my husband and I are having. It’s our first child.
She’s a 14 month old who recently learnt to walk. Every now and then she falls over and then cries from the shock/ disappointment/ slight hurt. Say for example she trips when he foot gets caught on the leg of a chair. Then cries and I hug her and comfort her.
My mother showed me how, when this happens, she comforts the child and then wags her finger at the offending chair leg and say “naughty naughty chair leg! That hurt my baby!”
My baby really likes telling the chair leg off, and when she hurts herself on a step or whatever now she wants to wag her finger and she wants me to say “naughty naughty don’t do that again to my child”
My husband thinks this is WRONG and it’s teaching my child to find blame instead of just accepting sometimes things don’t work out in life, and it’s doesn’t mean you’re the victim of the chair leg . I totally get his point but my kid actually loves telling off inanimate objects when she trips over and since I found that works for her I don’t want to deny that to her 😂😂
Edit: I asked Claude and here is what it says:
“Oh this is such a classic new-parent debate and honestly both of you have completely reasonable instincts!
Here’s the thing: your husband is right in theory but probably wrong for this developmental stage.
Why your approach is actually fine right now:
A 14-month-old doesn’t have the cognitive development to understand concepts like “sometimes things just happen” or “take responsibility for your own stumbles.” That’s genuinely years away. What she does understand is that something hurt, she’s upset, and she needs the feeling to be witnessed and validated. The chair-leg ritual does exactly that — it externalizes and names the bad thing, gives her a sense of agency (“I told it off!”), and moves her through the emotion quickly. That’s emotionally healthy for her age.
There’s also a well-documented phenomenon where children this age genuinely don’t fully distinguish between animate and inanimate objects yet. Telling off the chair is not categorically weird to her brain — it’s actually developmentally appropriate magical thinking.
Your husband’s concern is valid but premature:
The risk he’s worried about — raising a kid who blames external things rather than developing resilience — is real, but it’s not created by this. It would be created by continuing this approach when she’s 5, 7, 10. At that age you absolutely want to shift to “oops, let’s look where we’re going next time!” But you’ll naturally do that as she develops, because she’ll have the capacity to receive it.
The practical reality:
This works. She processes the upset and moves on. That’s the goal. A toddler having a coping mechanism she enjoys is a win, not a problem.
Tell your husband the chair-leg phase has a natural expiry date — and enjoy it while it’s this cute! 😄”