r/ScienceBasedParenting

My 3.5 y/o daughter is the slowest eater on this planet. Dinner can take 1.5hrs… with constant encouragement. And she doesn’t even finish most nights. She’s not very picky. It’s not due to taste. It seems like lack of hunger/interest. Maybe control? But she’s actually a very calm, agreeable kid in every other situation.

She will eat at reasonable pace only if she has missed the previous meal. She does have low iron 12 (up from 6). So I would really like to increase her food consumption. She’s 32-33lbs. She’s slim but chubby cheaks and healthy in appearance.

We have tried a visual timer. We have tried just ignoring it and if she doesn’t eat she goes to bed hungry. We tried bribes with dessert. We’ve yelled and done all the wrong things too… the timer worked for a week or so.. kinda.

Help. Dinner time is a nightmare. Would love to have a meal without someone being grumpy as hell. Or it ending in tears.

I have 3 month old twins and daily walks are my biggest lifesaver at the minute ( also have a dog so a non negotiable!)

I've been working on getting them more used to the carry cot on the pram but they just never sleep as long as when they're in their car seats (which lie flat to 157°) and end up with at least one crying.

I also can't really see myself being able to go out on an errand solo anywhere knowing they will likely both fuss if in the carrycot whereas I'm sort of guaranteed a sleep in the carseats.

My question is how bad is it to do walks with them in the car seats? Is the risk just positional asphysixation during the journey or can it make them more susceptible to SIDS in general?

I've tried to look into this more but so many reputable sources just say 'not recommended as it increases SIDS'

I work in early childhood education and went looking for something for our own home a few months ago. I went in with a pretty specific question that most comparison guides don't ask, not which one has more features but whether any of them actually help a kid do something on their own without an adult standing there.

The thing that knocked out most of the family management tablets I looked at is that they're built for parents to read, not for kids to follow on their own. Here's how the main ones held up:

Amazon Echo Show has a calendar widget and reminders but the chore side is basically a list a parent manages. A kid can see it but can't move through it on their own. Looks fine, doesn't actually help.

Google Nest Hub is similar, great for an adult who wants a dashboard, not useful for a 5 yo trying to know what comes after breakfast without asking.

Hearth Display gives each kid their own routine in icons on the same screen, so my 5 yo can follow her morning sequence without me telling her each step. After the first month she stopped asking what came next, which is honestly the only outcome I was looking for. My 8 yo uses the streak system more than the routine and her teeth get brushed more reliably as a result.

Honest stuff that won't show up in marketing: the customization is more limited than I wanted, I can't change icon size or add my own symbols, which most families won't care about but matters if your kid has sensory or AAC needs. Also the daily feelings check-in feature, my 8 yo lost interest in it after a few weeks and I won't pretend otherwise, my 5 yo still uses it but inconsistently. $699 is a lot of money and I sat with that for a while before pulling the trigger.

For most families including ADHD households hearth holds up to what I'd want professionally. For high-support-needs kids it isn't a substitute for a dedicated visual schedule tool and I wouldn't pretend it is.

I leave LO for 15-30min every morning after we wake up together from co-sleeping. Before I leave the bedroom, I say kind words to him, do a bit of baby massage, and bring out his favourite toys which he is excited to play with.

The reason I do this is because partner is not very helpful currently so I never get anytime to myself for admin I need to do on the computer (yes relationship fix is on the way, I don't plan for this to be long-term). LO always wants to touch the screen & keyboard etc and I also don't want him to look at the screen.

I leave him on our floor bed with the toys. I sometimes check in after 10min if I am away for longer. When I return to the room he is always super happy to see me. I sometimes hear him babbling to himself a little while I'm out, but never crying.

Is there any evidence that this is not good for LO? I don't want to be in the same room because he cries out for me a lot more and I feel he thinks I'm intentionally ignoring him, whereas if I'm not there it seems he has learnt to entertain himself.

Thanks.

LO is 5 months old. She sleeps about 10-11 hours overnight. She either sleeps through the night (until around 7 am) or has 1 wake up, eats, and goes back to sleep fairly well. Every couple of days she has a harder time settling back to sleep but will eventually self-soothe and go back to sleep. Her bedtime is around 7:30. We could move it back about a half hour but anything more than that isn’t feasible with our work schedule (and we’d also never see her! And I believe she’d have way more wake ups at night.)

She’s in daycare so naps are out of my control but I do think they do a decent job following her sleepy cues. However, she’s only getting about 2, at most 3, hours of daytime sleep. There are a few random days it’s closer to 4 hours but that’s not the average. Usually about 3 naps a day but they tend to be shorter, cat naps. She is happy, eating well and rarely fussy/cranky, except around bedtime. Again, she is a very pleasant baby!

Her overall sleep would be about 12-15 hours a day (including night sleep). I’m trying not to hyperfocus on wake windows being like clockwork and instead following her sleepy cues. It’s also difficult because she doesn’t nap very long. We are also trying to balance protecting her naps and also having a life that doesn’t revolve around sitting at home all day. I know sleep is important to development and am anxious about essentially damaging her due to not sleeping enough.

Is this too little sleep? Is it possible she just has lower sleep needs? Any other suggestions? Thanks so much!

Hi all,

my child has tracheomalacia/laryngomalacia.

I plan to get her immunizations next week. I am in this group that is support for this condition on facebook. Someone had made a post asking about vaccines. Lots of parents have come forward saying they’ve had recommendations from their providers to delay vaccines until they are older.

to me this makes no sense.. wouldn’t a respiratory condition benefit MORE from vaccines? a few parents have said that they did get some and win’t get more due to the impact it had on their child’s breathing.

I hate to say it but now my pro-vaccine self is a little scared. to be clear, i’m a first time mom with a bit of PPA since this all happened. especially watching chronic neck retractions all day.

I just don’t want to make things worse for myself or her.

Is their any evidence to support their claim?

My 14 month old son has pretty bad separation anxiety. When I leave the room, he SCREAMS at the top of his lungs for a solid few minutes. I was of the opinion that the other caretaker (usually dad, but sometimes brother or daycare) should comfort him and calm him down to show him that mom isn't the only one who can provide a feeling of stability. Dad thinks it's better to let him learn to self-soothe. I'm not really sure which is better. I would prefer research-backed answers to this question, not anecdotal evidence.

My 12-month old (EBF, but working on weaning w/ solids) has always been on the low-end when it comes to sleep needs, but now he's really pushing it.

We usually get him to bed around 8:30pm, and ideally, he wakes up once around 2am to eat, and then is asleep until close to 7am.

Re: Naps, he usually naps once around 10:30-11:30am, and then again from 3:30-4:30pm

However, lately, for about the last week or so, he goes down at 8:30pm, and then by 10pm, he's suddenly wide awake. He flops around for awhile, babbles, cries a bit, and it goes on until almost midnight, with the crying getting louder and sadder as it gets closer to midnight. We've tried breastfeeding a bit more, rocking him, singing to him, etc.. and nothing works. He just has to exhaust himself and that doesn't happen until midnight.

THEN, he does't wake up again until 5:30am to feed, and is hard to settle back down and wants to get out of bed around 6am. We are really tired, and can't believe he doesn't need more sleep. What could be causing this?

My LO is 6.5 months old. We have been very committed to safe sleep practices - sleeps in own space, firm mattress, lay on back, the whole shebang.

He has been developing wonderfully. Rolls easily both directions, army crawling comfortably, starting to explore the idea of pulling knees under self. He can sit up, but not pull himself up to sitting yet. Loving assisted standing and jumping.

When he's rolled over on his tummy independently, we've had no concern. We know he's strong enough to adjust himself in bed easily.

Here's my question - I noticed yesterday that he will fall asleep more easily if placed on his stomach. However, all the articles online say that you should be placing on back up until a year.

I'm trying to understand the data well. I see that the first 6 months are the most risk for SIDS, which he is past. For the 6-12 month range, is this advice meant to cover development diversity among babies? What does the research look like for the 6-12 month range specifically? In the context of my baby, is the place-on-back advice still relevant?

Ultimately, choosing data-backed safety is most important to us, and we are definitely for sure following the other safe sleep practices. But I want to make sure that we are actually interpreting data well, especially when the articles online feel less descriptive for the 6-12 month range.

TIA

Hello all, need help with my 6 year old (also has adhd and odd). She has severe insomnia, she sleeps about half as long as her body needs at this age and we are lucky if she is even able to sleep that much. She completely stopped taking naps at 1.5 years on her own, nap time caused insane tantrums every single time. We have tried quite literally everything we can find, even as parents in the field of psychology we cannot find her relief. Can anyone help or give advice? Here’s what we have tried over the years: •Consistent bedtime routine •Bath/shower before bed •Bedtime chamomile tea and/or warm milk •Changing bedtime timing •Plenty of books and a small light for reading (she is an advanced reader) •Deep pressure stimulation via pocket sheets and weighted items •Melatonin •Magnesium •Low temp heating pad for warmth and comfort •Light therapy in multiple different ways •Seeking advice from pediatrician and pediatric therapist (neither were able to help) •Allergy medicine (in case allergies were keeping her awake at night) •Multiple types of beds •Speaker box that plays bedtime stories •Intense exercise/plenty of outdoor time during the day to tire her out •Fidget toys •Cognitive behavioral therapy •Giving her items that have my (I’m mom) smell to comfort her •Room temperature changes •Aromatherapy •Many stuffies •Telling her that she doesn’t have to fall asleep right away, we just ask that she rests and lets herself fall asleep if she needs to but to not worry about it too much •ADHD medication (multiple types) •Letting our cat fall asleep in bed with her (our daughter complains about feeling lonely at night) •Picture books of family members to look thru when she gets lonely overnight •A diary •White noise •A fan

None of these have sustained positive results. I am unable to sleep in bed with her because I am audhd so I become easily overstimulated and my chronic illnesses demand I get up multiple times each night. She does not snore and does not outwardly appear to have sleep apnea, we are unable to afford a sleep study though. She denies pain/anxiety/nightmares symptoms keeping her awake. She is perfectly healthy, with a well balanced diet and we don’t typically serve surgery drinks at home (only one sprite if we go out to eat at a restaurant). She does something I noticed her father doing (he is out of the picture now), which is sneaking sugary snacks at night. To remedy this I’ve been serving her small dessert with her meals and letting her decide when she would like to eat it, but this has not helped. At the advice of multiple professionals we have had to begin locking the kitchen cabinets (ONLY at night, ONLY sugary snack cabinets, she ALWAYS has direct access to water and low sugar snacks at night if need be). We do not use negative food or body talk around her. I am not sure what else to do. My poor baby is miserable and it makes every day miserable as well. I just want to find her some relief :(

My 6 month old uses a feeder alongside spoon feeding purees and self-feeding finger foods. The feeder is like a teething toy with space for food like soft fruit or egg yolk, with holes or mesh at the top to let some food through.

Someone I know suggested it can cause problems with learning to eat, as it makes babies "lazy" with chewing as they suck the food out instead of chewing. My baby sort of gnaws on it like a teether, but I'd like some info which either proves or debunks that it causes issues with chewing. I know the purée pouches aren't recommended to use too often for similar reasons. Thanks

Heya my son is almost 6 and we recently had 2 incidents at school (touched private part and looked under a bathroom stall) that were reported.

He’s always been a touchy/cuddly boy and we’ve always intervened when something inappropriate happened, and he’s been doing a lot better asking for hugs, respecting boundaries, etc.

While he’s doing better, we are still working on this at home and when we call out ‘ask before hugging’ or ‘you are in your sister’s bubble’ he acknowledges it but it doesn’t stick. He say ok and listen to us, is able to verbalize the issue/the solution but it doesn’t sticks.

he’s obviously doing it now at school when he thinks no one is looking, so we need to reinforce the concept of respecting others space, consent and all other related matters in a more impactful way. We’ve talked, we’ve read book, but I’d love to have suggestions around more impactful education.

Thanks!

A child in my 2YO daughter’s daycare class was diagnosed with meningitis today. The child was physically in class this morning, and the diagnosis apparently came in the afternoon.

We are in the US, but I’m originally from another country where meningitis (both viral and bacterial) is treated as a major public health emergency: schools are often temporarily closed, spaces sanitized, all contacts notified aggressively, etc. Because of this background perhaps, I’m very alarmed by how casually this seems to be handled here so far.

We asked the daycare admin for clarification and guidance, but they were quite dismissive and seemed very unconcerned. They also would not specify whether this was viral or bacterial meningitis when asked directly.

Our daughter is fully vaccinated according to the CDC schedule for her age, including pneumococcal vaccination, which I understand protects against some strains of bacterial meningitis.

My questions are:

- Am I overreacting by being this concerned and unsettled by the lack of measures/guidance from the school?
- Would it be unreasonable to keep my daughter home until we get more information?
- Does the response from the school suggest this is more likely viral meningitis vs bacterial meningitis, or is that impossible to infer? I imagine that bacterial would call for some type of protocol?
- Am I misunderstanding meningitis overall? I don’t mentally categorize it the same way I categorize “normal daycare illnesses” like colds, flu, RSV, HFM, etc. I see it as something potentially extremely dangerous and serious.

For context, my husband thinks I’m probably overreacting somewhat, but he’s also bothered by the lack of clarity and communication.

Not looking for personal medical advice/diagnosis, just trying to understand whether my level of concern is medically reasonable and what standard public health practice usually is in the US in this kind of situation.

My baby gets 50/50 breast milk and formula. I think it’s fairly likely that my milk supply will disappear as I return to work. (I know about the PUMP Act but I will no longer be able to sleep and see my baby and pump as much as I have been. Pumping seems to be the right thing to cut.) Anticipating this, should I continue to give my baby everything I make while I make it? Or should I freeze some to prolong his intake albeit at lower quantities? Is there a minimum daily volume below which there is no benefit?

I know this sounds so ridiculous but it’s a legit argument my husband and I are having. It’s our first child.

She’s a 14 month old who recently learnt to walk. Every now and then she falls over and then cries from the shock/ disappointment/ slight hurt. Say for example she trips when he foot gets caught on the leg of a chair. Then cries and I hug her and comfort her.

My mother showed me how, when this happens, she comforts the child and then wags her finger at the offending chair leg and say “naughty naughty chair leg! That hurt my baby!”

My baby really likes telling the chair leg off, and when she hurts herself on a step or whatever now she wants to wag her finger and she wants me to say “naughty naughty don’t do that again to my child”

My husband thinks this is WRONG and it’s teaching my child to find blame instead of just accepting sometimes things don’t work out in life, and it’s doesn’t mean you’re the victim of the chair leg . I totally get his point but my kid actually loves telling off inanimate objects when she trips over and since I found that works for her I don’t want to deny that to her 😂😂

Hello

I stayed home with my two year old until she was 11 months and then hired a nanny till she turned 2 years and 2 months and now have put her in daycare five days a week full days.

It's only been two weeks since she started. She has been struggling hard and she is very expressive with words and says that she doesn't want to go and cries and so on. The teacher at daycare said that my daughter moans and "fake cries" most of the day and whines a lot which is also affecting the other children apparently. She said that my daughter has to build resilience and we have to teach her to stop fake crying by not responding more than once and that they will apply this same technique there. She tends to go on a loop when she is with them by repeating the same phrase like I want mommy I want daddy over and over again....

My question is: is there some truth in what the teacher is saying? What is the best way to navigate this tricky time when she is transitioning from one on one care to a group? We've always been very responsive from the start.. thank you so much

Hi everyone.
My partner and I are looking to read some books that explore parenting styles. We wanted to discuss and look into different aspects and how our own upbringing might influence our styles in the future.
We don’t expecting but simply wanting to prepare for the future.
Please let us know your recommendations!

I am 21 weeks pregnant and I want god honest truths here no sugar coating

Yesterday morning I had a glass of chocolate milk. After finishing a full glass I saw there was hardened old chocolate milk at the bottom. It was clear this glass was not clean.

Here’s my issue, and a habit we are changing. We soak all our dishes together and usually over night or even a day (pregnant, full time working, it happens). This includes cutting boards with raw chicken and produce, raw chicken knives etc.

I’m starting to think this glass somehow soaked in this sink then missed the dishwasher from how it looked honestly. Don’t ask me how.

Anyway I’m actually concerned about listeria from this as I’m sure the stagnant water with food, raw poultry & produce was a serious grounds for bacteria that has likely been flourishing in that chocolate milk gunk at the bottom.

Help me understand the legitimate risk here because I genuinely feel it’s high.