u/Comfortable_Value_66

I leave LO for 15-30min every morning after we wake up together from co-sleeping. Before I leave the bedroom, I say kind words to him, do a bit of baby massage, and bring out his favourite toys which he is excited to play with.

The reason I do this is because partner is not very helpful currently so I never get anytime to myself for admin I need to do on the computer (yes relationship fix is on the way, I don't plan for this to be long-term). LO always wants to touch the screen & keyboard etc and I also don't want him to look at the screen.

I leave him on our floor bed with the toys. I sometimes check in after 10min if I am away for longer. When I return to the room he is always super happy to see me. I sometimes hear him babbling to himself a little while I'm out, but never crying.

Is there any evidence that this is not good for LO? I don't want to be in the same room because he cries out for me a lot more and I feel he thinks I'm intentionally ignoring him, whereas if I'm not there it seems he has learnt to entertain himself.

Thanks.

I'm the mum in her 30s and baby's dad is his 40s. Together 8yrs, had baby 6 months ago.

The last time he touched me was on day of birth.

I don't have prepartum anxiety or depression (doctors checked). I am happy with my baby although due to lack of sleep and recovering from a 2L blood loss at birth I struggle with some brain changes, like less being able to remember things, suboptimal planning, and sometimes a bit impatient because I'm with baby 22hrs a day during the week when partner goes to work.

Typical week day - dad is at work 9-5.30pm and he has about half an hour to himself before he takes over baby between 6-7pm so I can eat dinner and shower. Sometimes I also have to squeeze giving solids in there. Baby starts witching at 7pm so it's me with him again all the way to bedtime where I co-sleep with him. Partner usually does all the dishes & laundry after we're asleep then he stays up till whenever (usually 1 or 2am) before he needs to sleep for work next day.

On weekends he sleeps in till 10 or 11 unless I planned to meet friends for 2hrs in the morning. I am never away from home more than 3hrs due to breastfeeding. Often on one of the weekends I'd plan a mum & bubs day so partner can have at least 4hrs alone. When he has time he enjoys playing with baby and can bottle feed & change diaper etc.

So co-parenting isn't a problem even though I'm extremely tired as most of the week I have the baby literally like 23hrs a day.

Partner seems to hate talking to me. Says he needs to repeat things so many times and I still don't seem to understand. He feels it's not ok being impatient with baby. A month ago when I got upset with him for not celebrating my birthday, instead sleeping and taking 2hrs to make & eat his breakfast with earphones in watching YouTube - basically not help until 12pm while I was awake since with baby - he stopped talking to me for an entire week, only responded to communicating about if baby needs a bottle, change diaper when I couldn't etc.

I feel like we live in a shell of a relationship. Once or twice when I cried and told him how I felt - that after 10 months of pregnancy, traumatic birth, blood loss and having my brain and body ruined postpartum yet being treated so tersely by him and how it breaks me to feel so unappreciated - he'd only give me a hug, then nothing else. Things go back to being the same.

I feel stuck. I have no family here to help but they are overseas. Sometimes I want to take the baby and just go live with them for a while. I cannot imagine separating long term as I know it'll make things harder for both of us.

Has anyone experienced similar? Part of me is waiting for baby to just grow older hoping I'd be back to my prior self more. I almost want to tell partner to go sleep with someone else if it'll make him happier as what's the point of us living in such a horrible atmosphere.