Something I realized today
Today I finally talked to a girl at my gym that I'd been overthinking for weeks. We'd exchanged looks a few times, and instead of just saying hi, I kept trying to figure out what it all meant. Today I decided to stop analyzing and just talk to her. Turns out she has a boyfriend. Honestly, that wasn't even the important part.
The important part was realizing that I did the thing I was afraid of, and nothing terrible happened. No humiliation. No disaster. No "everyone thinks I'm a creep" moment. Just a normal conversation.
I've had similar experiences before. Sometimes I got rejected, sometimes things went well, sometimes they were just awkward. But every single time, reality was much less scary than the story I had created in my head. What I also noticed is that after these situations I immediately start analyzing everything. "Maybe she wasn't interested because I was awkward." "Maybe I should've said this instead."
And before I know it, I'm focusing on the outcome instead of the fact that I actually faced my fear. For anyone struggling with avpd/sa: don't let rumination take away your win. You can't know what other people are thinking anyway. The only thing you really control is whether you do the thing you're avoiding. Today I did and that's enough!!