Am I wrong for considering leaving my menopausal wife after 24 months without intimacy?
My wife is going through menopause, and we haven't had sex in about 24 months.
I know menopause can completely change libido, energy, mood, sleep, comfort during sex, and how a woman feels in her own body. I'm not expecting her to magically turn that off or have sex with me when she doesn't want to.
The problem is that after 24 months, I'm struggling with a lot more than just the lack of sex.
I feel lonely in my own marriage.
Whenever I've tried to talk about what's happening between us, she's tired, sick, stressed, or tells me she doesn't want to talk about it because she's already stressed. She doesn't want to pursue treatment for the hormonal changes either, which is her choice, and I'm not trying to force her to.
But the changes haven't stopped at intimacy.
She's also almost completely stopped helping around the house. More and more of the everyday responsibilities have fallen on me, and that's becoming another source of resentment. I feel like I'm carrying the household while also getting less and less of a relationship in return.
And as petty as this may sound, sometimes it feels like her cat gets more affection and attention from her than I do. She'll cuddle with it, talk to it, fuss over it, and show it affection while I feel almost invisible sitting right there.
I'm not jealous of a cat. It's what that contrast represents that hurts.
But where does that leave me?
After being rejected over and over, I've gradually stopped initiating. Then I stopped expecting affection. Now I can feel myself becoming emotionally detached from her, and that scares me.
Sex isn't the only thing that matters in a marriage, but I also don't think it's unreasonable to say that physical intimacy, affection, communication, shared responsibility, and feeling wanted by your spouse matter.
What I'm struggling with is whether I'm supposed to simply accept that this may be our marriage indefinitely because menopause is involved.
I don't want to abandon my wife because she's going through something difficult. At the same time, I don't know how long I'm supposed to live feeling lonely, unwanted, overburdened, and unable to even have a meaningful conversation about what this is doing to us.
Am I being selfish for reaching the point where I'm considering leaving?