Anyone regret having a third child/another child after a large age gap - did it get better?
I know this is a really sensitive subject, I can't really speak to anyone in real life about it, so looking for stories of hope from others that may have gone through the same.
I have 3 chikdren, I feel incredibly lucky that I have been able to have them all and I don't take this for granted, but I am absolutely berating myself for having a third child and ruining what a lovely set up I had. Of course I love my third, and there is nothing I can really do to change things now! I'm looking for some words of encouragement, or strategies that may be helpful. I have tried CBT which didn't help.
Background- had 2 children and absolutely loved parenting. Always wanted another but knew it wasn't the most logical thing to do and so tried to stick with head over heart, on paper there were so many reasons to stick with 2 and I also recognised that I was incredibly lucky to have 2 healthy children, a happy marriage and a good work life balance. Number 3 was always going to be a roll of the dice, especially as I got older (along with the children). After 4 years of agonising over the decision we decided to go for it. My third is now 14 months and I am still really struggling to cope. I miss my old life so much. Youngest was born when older ones were 7 and 9. Everyone thought I was crazy going back to the baby years and I could see why at the time, but in a way that made me think I was ready for another because I absolutely didn't feel at my limit with 2, I felt like I had capacity for another and really couldn't relate to feeling 'done'.
I always knew the age gap would be hard to manage but I never thought my mental health would be so fragile. Although of course there were difficult times with 2, I never felt overwhelmed. I genuinely used to look forward to the school holidays etc, now I dread them! I feel like I am obsessing over making the wrong decision and life just feels so difficult with 3. Even if I do get time to myself (rare) rather than enjoying it I just feel that this is how things were before/could have been. My older children adore their younger sibling, there doesn't appear to be any resentment there. My husband is also very hands on and very pleased we went for number 3. I think my main struggles are - the constant juggle of keeping everyone happy, never having time for myself, missing out on fun stuff with the older ones- I can still do that but requires planning and can feel like a military operation, my age - worrying about how I will cope with a young child as I get older, as well as all the standard logistics! Has anyone else been through this? Did it get better?