To Pull or Not to Pull…
I’m having trouble deciding if homeschooling my 7 year old heading into second grade son is right for us. Of course I’m heavily leaning into pro-homeschool research- books, threads, podcasts, folks in the community who have done it from the get. We have decent schools (located in MA) but I am still confident I could provide potentially “better” or more personalized and enriching education to my son- mostly by giving him the opportunity to lead, with some guidelines and boundaries. Scares the shit out of me and my husband, both public school kids and me being a para in the system for 5 years a special ed teacher for 2. (9 year gap between; not much has changed in the system in fact it’s gotten worse- know I’m preaching to the choir). I have a long list of pros and cons. One also being the need for my measles 35k para salary for our family/my own sanity. Neither my son or I have a whole lot of energy at the end of a school day to fully invest and explore our interests- much of my own intrinsic motivation has been dead since my school experience and I can see his slipping away as the years go on. No turning back the clock!
He is anxiously attached to me/his dad. He prefers to have us be with him when socializing, and has refusing all forms of organized sports/extra curricular activities that aren’t parent involved. Even summer camp at the park next to our home with some of his closest friends. He cried hysterically most mornings at school drop off between September and late november. I also work at the school so this makes it both easier and harder. Kindergarten was okay- he has lots of teary days but the staff was more accommodating to his sensitive feelings. That shifted in first grade where it was clear he was accountable for managing his emotions and finding calming strategies. He was able to do so and he did “enjoy” school by the end in the way of he was able to make it through the days and solidified more friendships. He does not have behavior outbursts or difficulty- he is extremely shy and quiet and polite and will eventually come out of his shell to participate. He has been flagged as low in reading and he knows this about himself. He’s not able to tell us exactly why he doesn’t want to be at school or park with his friends or to play team sports- because he enjoys playing and engaging in all of these activities recreationally on his own terms. I believe I could provide superior tailored instruction to him and rich experiences, but it also means taking a 35k pay cut for our family, and likely spending a few extra thousand for curriculum and memberships and co op opportunities.
The summer has been up and down with our ability to patiently communicate with one another- there are many days where I think “I can’t do this full time all year” and also times where I think “I can’t NOT do this”. Not sure what I’m even looking for. I feel like many of the folks I hear from have homeschooled from the start, are quite radical religious or outdoors/naturalist, we fall in the middle of all of that minus religion- and frankly I can’t be part of radical communities, and I know how important it will be to get involved within the local communities for socialization and enrichment. Much of this desire is testing my own capacity to do that- those volunteering and events and connections within my local community that I have not prioritized or had time and energy for previously, but things I glorify and see value in.