what the hell am i doing
i don't even know if i even have the right to post here, i'm doing much better than 90% people on this sub, whatever, just downvote me if you don't want me here and go on with your day.
i don't know what i am doing anymore, today was even a good day and yet the second i remain by myself, with no one to talk to, it feels as i'm back to those days.i don't have friends in real life, just online, they're all busy now. I'm also in a relationship, with someone i genuinely love, but i just feel like a horrible partner even when told i'm not.
i feel pathetic and worthless, school doesn't make the situation any better, nor do private after school lessons.
i absolutely despise myself both mentally and physically, i could have dysmorphia but i don't want to make people who actually have it upset, so i'll keep it at a "could".
there's only two things that help me: helping people and cutting myself, i feel ashamed to say that second thing because i'm not as deep (metaphorically and literally) in it as other people.
all i have to say, i don't feel like writing anymore.