Thought Yaz was the holy grail…but nope!
So I started taking continuous Yaz 2 months ago per my OBGYN to help with what she refers to as PMS-b/c she won’t acknowledge my PMDD. A little background, I’m 38F, diagnosed with PMDD around 25yrs old, but reflecting back, I definitely struggled with it since puberty/teenage years. It’s been a long and grueling 25yrs of PMDD struggles including but not limited to rage, depression, intrusive thoughts, food noise, histamine releases (severe emotional flushing/hives in face and neck at random times but seems emotionally induced), years of trial and error with SSRIs/ADHD meds/ more holistic approaches like working out consistently, taking vitamin D, B complex, Omega-3 all the ones I’ve researched are supposed to help, you name it I’ve tried it. Been in therapy since 25yrs old when I was diagnosed with PMDD along with PTSD (childhood trauma). Therapy (I love my therapist) has always been my one consistent extremely helpful self-care/check-in, even when I don’t think I need it, I just do it to remind myself that I’m not alone with my PMDD when it always eventually rears its ugly head. I should also mention I have 2 kids, and I’m a badass mom, except when PMDD kicks in I fear I’m traumatizing them IYKYK, but I always repair and take time to explain to my kids that mommy’s in my grouchy time and i need more me space. Spouse is extremely supportive and wonderful husband and parent, couldn’t ask for more. Sorry going on a tangent here, oh but last thing to mention I’m also experiencing signs of perimenopause the last year, mostly waking up at 3am and not being able to go back to sleep and little hot flashes, sometimes with red hives around face and neck/chest, at random times of the day but I’m not sure if it’s actually histamine releases like I mentioned previously, b/c they seem to be emotionally induced, but I’m also histamine intolerant…ok back to the Yaz, a month in I was so relieved that it wasn’t back firing like so many other birth controls I tried in the past that would exacerbate my PMDD. Then into the second month I was convinced life was 1000% better, I didn’t have a luteal melt down, my mind was clear, I felt confident (even applied for a few new jobs!), I was working out and eating healthy consistently, I could look in the mirror during luteal and feel good about myself instead of my usual body dysmorphia, no extreme energy fluctuations, no rage! this was a true miracle! So I thought, but always waiting for the pin to drop also, u know?! I should mention first month red spotting on and off two weeks between a week break so it felt like I had a period all month, and then second month red to brown spotting for one week straight, but the OBGYN warned about spotting. Then *BAM* PMDD symptoms back with a vengeance! Started off with my familiar luteal beginning of restless sleep w/vivid dreams, then the food noise crept in, then the extreme energy where I feel like I could run a marathon, followed by the extreme lethargy then the weepy/sensitive emotions, and then the full blown RAGE, just like Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, my poor husband and kids should have an underground safe space from me! Intrusive thoughts(ex: I’m a lost cause. My husband and kids are better off w/out me. Why aren’t I doing better in life like everyone else), uncontrollable appetite/indecisive to the point of anxiety, anything and everything someone shares about themselves, I think I’m worthless and comparing myself to them and can’t stop thinking about it, for days sometimes…I crawled out of my happy body and became the PMDD monster, is the only way I can explain it. I feel so defeated b/c I thought the Yaz was finally the answer. Is this a plateau effect? Is it just a blip of my body/mind still transitioning/leveling out to the Yaz. Will I get my happy/healthy Yaz- working self back? I’ve resulted to lorazepam for now, which I haven’t had to use in months and praying for the end of luteal symptoms, which for me can sometimes last two whole weeks. I’m at my wits end and feeling very helpless again. Please be kind to my rant, I’m treading water right now.