Is it worth backing out of a promising new connection to avoid potential drama? AKA I did not sign up for this nonsense
Anon account because my main is identifiable.
I'm in a bit of a pickle and trying to decide how I want to handle myself here.
The players: Apple (friend, he/him), Cherry (new friend, she/her), Lemon (mutual friend, he/him), me (he/him)
The situation:
I’m part of a pretty tight-knit non-monogamous social circle [Edit here - just to clarify, this is a rather big group (200+/-) and not a small friend group, we just all spend a lot of time together - so Cherry isn't dating 3/10 in a friend group or something like that]. My mate Apple recently got involved with Cherry, who’s fairly new to the group. They’ve been seeing each other casually for a couple of months now. I met Cherry around the same time and we really hit it off, so we’ve been spending a fair bit of time together as well.
Cherry is also seeing at least one other person in the group besides Apple (Lemon), and had actually been seeing him a little while before meeting either of us.
When I first met Cherry, she and Apple were having a bit of a wobble over her other relationship, and they both separately came to me for advice. To be fair to Apple, he actually seemed pretty self-aware about the fact that his feelings were his own responsibility and that he was mainly just struggling a bit with jealousy around seeing Cherry with Lemon. Cherry, meanwhile, was having a struggle figuring out how to tell Apple what she was and wasn’t available for without upsetting anyone. My advice was mostly centred around better communication and everyone being upfront about expectations. After they all sat down and talked it through properly, things seemed to settle and everyone appeared to be broadly on the same page. (I know this based on conversations with Apple and Cherry after the conflict).
The issue now is that Apple, despite telling Cherry he’s fine with things staying casual, has started acting a bit possessive/jealous about her other connections.
A bigger complication is those connections now potentially include me, as we really hit it off and have been spending a fair amount of time together.
From the conversations I’ve had with both of them, Cherry seems to have been pretty clear from the outset that she isn’t looking for anything especially serious and that there is a limit to what she is available for in her connection with Apple. Apple says he understands and accepts that, but in practice he seems quite uncomfortable with the reality of it.
Because I’m now somewhat involved myself, I’ve stopped acting as a sounding board for either of them. It doesn’t feel appropriate for me to be mediating or giving relationship advice anymore.
I genuinely really enjoy spending time with Cherry and would like to keep doing so.
The problem is that I know if we keep seeing each other or things progress at all, Apple is likely to be gutted and it will quite likely create tension in the friend group. On top of that, I do genuinely care about Apple as a mate and would like to carry on hanging out with him without everything turning awkward or dramatic.
Ordinarily my instinct in this sort of situation would be to take a massive step back and avoid the drama altogether, but I really like Cherry and the whole thing feels a bit unfair on the both of us. I’m also quite uncomfortable with the idea that someone newer to the community should effectively end up boxed out of dating opportunities because Apple isn’t doing a good job of managing their jealousy or expectations very well.
Clearly I'm not going to reach out to our mutuals for input and my vanilla mates are unlikely to get the nuance of the situation so I'm here asking for general advice.
I’ve deliberately kept a few details vague for privacy reasons but can clarify if any of this doesn't make sense.