Is it romantic?
Tl;dr I was in a situationship, we had deep emotional talk and now I can't stop thinking about him.
I've been in a situationship or fwb with a friend on and off for almost 6 years (we rarely met last couple of years because we live on diffrent cities now). After initial confusion, I was sure I'm not romantically attracted to him. I felt platonic attraction, sensual attraction, a bit of aesthetic one. (I never had and still don't have sexual attraction, which I realised during our initial sistuationship, but I had fun doing it once in a while and enjoyjed his touch so I kept meeting with him).
We never were too close emotionally, because I have problem opening up to people. I was always too worried what he thinks of me, to be myself around him.
Well, lately I started unmask more around people, started therapy and medications, a lot of my fears have become manageable.
So slowly started to be myself around him, we have a lot more things to talk about now.
This weekend I went to see him for a few days. I had fun, and spending time with him felt a lot easier than in a past. The very last night of my stay we had a very deep, emotional talk. I explained him why I was avoidant with him, he talked a lot about his mental problems (suicidal, very low self-esteem, trauma) and I felt guilty how I was neglecting our relation. I felt a lot of commpassion for him, I wanted to hug him so hard all the pain would go away.
We talked a bit about our relation. He really likes me more since I've started to unmask around him. He sounded like he wanted to try being something more with me. But I was confused because I was sure I am aromantic.
After this talk we had a really hard time saying goodbye. Now I'm so confused. We won't have a chance to meet for a whole month and I can't stop thinking about him, I want to hug him and talk more with him and take care of him. I don't know what to think anymore.
I was very comfortable with being aroace, I liked living alone because I need alone time to recharge and feel safe and not judged. I didn't feel the need for a boyfriend as long as I had my friends and hobbies.
But now I started to think that getting to cuddle with him after getting home sounds very comforting.
As I write this I see that it really sounds like I'm catching feelings, but I'm really scared.
I'm not that sure that it could be romantic, and I'm agonizing, because I wont have a chance to meet with him for so long. I'm really confused how one conversation affected me so deeply.
He is such a sweet man and I really don't want to hurt him. I'm a bit scared that my emotions stem more from pity for him.
How does demiromantic person notice when attraction starts to get romantic?