u/RefugeeLife217

For some context, my wife and I have been married for almost seven years (our anniversary is in October). We have two kids, a five-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son.

Yesterday, we went to her parents’ house to spend time with her family. While we were there, I found out she had been cheating on me.

She worked at the same job for about a year and a half before leaving yesterday. During that time, she became very close with several coworkers, both male and female. I always had concerns about how close she was with some of the men she worked with.

Earlier this year, we even went to marriage counseling for about three months to work on rebuilding trust and helping me process my feelings about those relationships. Everyone around me kept telling me that I needed to trust my wife, but I could never shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.

Yesterday, I went to grab a drink from the fridge and noticed she had left her phone by the front door. I’ve never been the type to go through her phone, but she had been acting differently the day before, and something told me to look.

When I opened it, I saw a Snapchat notification. I opened the conversation, and everything I had feared was right there. She had been having an affair.

I confronted her immediately. We argued, but I couldn’t wrap my head around how she could do this. I have loved every minute of our marriage. I love her, I love her family, and I love our kids more than anything. She’s always told me how happy she was with our life together, so this completely blindsided me.

Her parents came downstairs after hearing all the yelling. I told them that their daughter had been having an affair. After that, I left and came back to our house.

I’ve been sitting on my deck all night drinking beer, and I honestly don’t know what to do next. I feel like the life I thought I had has been ripped away from me.

I still love my wife, but I also don’t know how you come back from something like this. We have two young children, and right now I’m overwhelmed, heartbroken, and completely lost.

Has anyone been through something similar? What were your first steps? Any advice would really mean a lot right now.

Update:

I’ve had some time to look at all the responses and work through everything in my head.

First, I’ve stopped drinking. I’m not a big drinker by any means, but that amount of stress put me in a place I’ve never really been before. It felt like the only way to make the pain stop, even temporarily, was to drink. I know that’s not the answer, so I’ve stopped.

Second, I have not contacted her since everything happened.

She did admit to cheating, but I don’t believe she admitted to the full extent of the affair. At first, she tried to downplay it by saying it was just “foreplay” and that it only happened once. Then, halfway through the argument, she backtracked and said, “Well, the first time was a couple of months ago.” That alone tells me there’s a lot I still don’t know.

What I do know is that she admitted to it, and I have the evidence. I had her phone and took screenshots of the Snapchat messages that clearly show she was cheating. Those screenshots are backed up to both my email and my phone storage.

Her parents agree that she should stay with them for now, and the kids will remain in my custody. Next weekend, we may meet to work out a temporary custody arrangement while we’re separated.

The hardest part for me to wrap my head around is that she’s admitted to cheating, but I still don’t believe I’ve been told the whole truth. I told her mother that if reconciliation is ever going to be considered, she needs to write out a complete, 100% truthful timeline of everything she’s lied about throughout our marriage—whether it involves infidelity or not.

I know many of you have told me to go completely no contact and never seek closure. I understand why you’re saying that. But I honestly don’t know if I could ever have peace without knowing the full truth—without understanding just how much I was deceived.

This will probably be my last update for a while until I’ve spoken with lawyers and have a better idea of what comes next.

On a more positive note, I’ve already been working out consistently for the past two months. I’m just an average-built guy—not overweight—but I’ve always wanted to put on more muscle. As strange as it sounds, this situation has given me even more motivation to push myself harder in the gym over the coming weeks.

I also reached out to my employer and let them know I need to take a leave of absence while I work through everything and get my life back in order.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out, offered advice, or simply taken the time to read my story. Even if I haven’t responded to everyone, I’ve read far more comments than you probably realize, and I genuinely appreciate the support.