u/RegretfulGuy91

I am sorry if this post comes across as weird, but this doubt is driving me crazy and I need some advice :(

For the longest time I have been struggling with pelvic issues and erectile issues.
Around two weeks ago, I made a vow to God that I would quit smoking once and for all, and to please heal my pelvic and erectile issues.

On day 9 of quitting I was going crazy but I stayed strong. Believe it or not I actually started to heal. No more pain, no more urinary urgency, and healthy erections.

On day 12 of quitting, After a huge fight with someone I love, while sobbing from the hurt, I asked God to forgive me but that I needed a cigarette to feel better.

I fought myself and almost just went back home, but in the end I bought a packet, I lit a cigarette, and after the second puff, I decided it was not worth breaking the vow. Even with my brain screaming for that nicotine relief, I threw away everything, and I went back home. I was completely devastated, I cried for hours between the guilt for having broken the vow and the hurt from the argument. I begged God to forgive me and not to take away my healing.

Here we are, where my erectile issues are back, and I feel like crap about breaking a vow that I made to God.

I am trying to understand if I am being punished, or if it’s all in my head, because God is Love and forgave me.

I am sorry if this post comes across as weird, but this doubt is driving me crazy and I need some advice :(

For the longest time I have been struggling with pelvic issues and erectile issues.
Around two weeks ago, I made a vow to God that I would quit smoking once and for all, and to please heal my pelvic and erectile issues.

On day 9 of quitting I was going crazy but I stayed strong. Believe it or not I actually started to heal. No more pain, no more urinary urgency, and healthy erections.

On day 12 of quitting, After a huge fight with someone I love, while sobbing from the hurt, I asked God to forgive me but that I needed a cigarette to feel better.

I fought myself and almost just went back home, but in the end I bought a packet, I lit a cigarette, and after the second puff, I decided it was not worth breaking the vow. Even with my brain screaming for that nicotine relief, I threw away everything, and I went back home. I was completely devastated, I cried for hours between the guilt for having broken the vow and the hurt from the argument. I begged God to forgive me and not to take away my healing.

Here we are, where my erectile issues are back, and I feel like crap about breaking a vow that I made to God.

I am trying to understand if I am being punished, or if it’s all in my head, because God is Love and he forgave me.