u/Relative_Pizza6179

Those of us that have kids of our own, what do you guys do about the toxic APs (grandparents) and the interactions your child (their grandchild) has with them?

For context, she’s a three year old toddler right now. We currently live far from my APs, but I know my parents are also planning to move down here someday. I’m so proud of my baby girl this week for being very vocal and exuding her confidence against the APs, but at the same time, I’m also very wary of her enthusiasm during the week to wake up and see grandma and grandpa and having fun playing with them.

Im never going to let my toxic mom babysit her by herself. She’s always under our supervision so we can also step in and say “No” or “please shut up.” But, I have let my Asian mother in-law babysit her alone though. Difference is, MIL has been nothing but encouraging towards my daughter. Hasn’t made any disparaging comments unlike my own mother that has already called a three year old “fat” or “manly” or thought she was dumb around 18 months when my daughter wasn’t having full blown conversations with me yet.

Will the three year old, if I’ve raised her right, ever pick up on the toxicity from the APs/her grandparents? Right now this wide eyed doe-like behavior kind of worries me when my child is a bit more discerning of other people, so much so that even my mother has made a comment this past week, “your cousin A’s baby smiles at everyone and all time.” 🙄 (of course the comparison of my own child to my cousins’ kids have already started too)

I honestly don’t know how my mom staying one week for a visit in my own house can set me off so much compared to the 18 hellish years I lived with her because I had no choice as a teenager with no job/college education yet.

Has anyone ever experienced this? I really don’t know what’s changed that makes me feel angrier quicker.

All I know is I would go outside the house and run around the neighborhood for two hours, feet pounding the pavement as hard as I could, listening to rock/heavy metal on a run is how I dealt with my anger after a fight with them as a teenager.

I look back on it and I truly don’t know how I survived 18 years in the house with my mom without flying off the handle so to speak so easily.

Did my tolerance for the bullshit just get lower as an adult (33F)? Older me feels weaker that I can’t just push things aside so easily and ignore them. I feel more sensitive is the word?

Is it just me or does anyone else feels like it’s out of character for Lil to look back fondly on the regulars at the horse track? Even Scotty says that it’s not the best place to leave a kid alone since the people there are compulsive gamblers.

I would think that Lil would have a problem with compulsive gamblers just as much as the drug addicts and alcoholics she’s given a hard time throughout the show.

“The railbirds….they all had one thing in common, dreamers. Always hoping tomorrow’s better than today.”

Idk those lines always rubbed me the wrong way given the history with her alcoholic mom. Lil doesn’t seem the type that likes people who puts things off when they can take control of their lives now, considering that’s what she kept trying to get through to her alcoholic mom.

Even putting Ellen Rush aside, Lil has had cases over the show like “The Hitchhiker” (S1E10) and “The River” (S3E22) where she sees how compulsive gambling ruin people’s lives, especially with the River where it ruins the son’s future with the doctor dad losing all the family’s fortune on poker to the point of desperation that he stages a murder so his family can get the life insurance money.

I loved this exchange between Scotty and Lilly in the episode:

Lil: You ever been?
Scotty: No
Lil: don’t you want to see it before there’s a Starbucks on every corner?
Scotty: I’ll leave that to the tourists and hipsters sporting Che t-shirts. I know too much about what happens there to sip mimosas poolside in Havana.

Summed up perfectly by Danny Pino who wrote this episode. Not from Cuba, but my parents were from China. Similar shit. Don’t want to get too political here. But, I really liked this scene. It hit very emotionally between the way it plays out with Lil and Scotty. Lil just lets the information sit in her brain in the scene while Scotty is redirecting the conversation over to the case again after his little personal revelation to her.

Episodes where the doer is a sibling betrayal. Which one are you guys taking?

I really loved Lotto Fever even though it seems to be disliked at a 7.2 when checking IMDb ratings lol. The story was a bit weak, but Ed Dubinski was one of the most sympathetic Cold Case victims ever on the show. The person that did this is someone that likes to kick puppy dogs basically. He was so gracious with his kindness. I personally loved the final interrogation between Lilly and Ed’s sister Pam a bit more. I was like “get her Lil!!!” I just love the way Lilly traps suspects by getting them to lower their guard. She gives the woman a cup of coffee as if they’re just having a friendly cozy little chat 😂. Lil makes her think that she buys her story about her minimal involvement and it was just all her husband’s fault. Then, boom! She nails the lady by just letting her talk herself into a trap basically.

My pick: Shuffle Ball Change, kicking 80s soundtrack, a bit more emotional between the personal stuff going on this episode with Will Jefferies and the ending where Maurice’s father has basically lost both sons. I can’t imagine him as a father at the end must be thinking it’s all his fault for favoring one son over the other instead of just loving both equally for their differences. Grant, while he did murder his own brother, does at least seem to think about it over the years when the detectives finally catch him. It’s a family tragedy all around. I feel like it was bit more of a calculated murder in Lotto Fever whereas Shuffle Ball Change seems more like second degree murder where the scenario just happened in a fit of rage that Grant probably wishes he could’ve taken back before he got caught for his crime.

Which of these kidnapping episodes are you taking over the other?

Both have a personal angle for Lilly. I think these two episodes are also both similarly executed well. I liked the scene in Maternal Instincts where Lilly visited Sean in holding and reamed into him about how drunk driving leads to homicide and homicide has serious consequences, trying to save him from a life of incarceration. But, I think with Maternal Instincts you don’t have a sympathetic victim in Linda. However, the doctor is a pretty despicable doer and Michael Nouri plays these types of characters so well. It is kind of satisfying that interrogation scene with Lilly, Scotty, and the doctor.

My pick: Ghost of my Child. I really liked how even though Lilly doesn’t personally believe addicts considering she was raised by one, she still looks into the case. You’re rooting for Priscilla the entire story. You hope everything she says is true and she didn’t go back on the drugs since Lilly is already jaded about addicts. The ending montage is so cute and I love “Far Away” by Nickelback blasting when the episode closes. The doers were equally despicable, justifying their kidnapping that the boy would’ve been better off with them when they stole him from a mother who clearly loved him just by the way his room was decorated and her trying to stay clean by knitting clothes for him.

Gun to your head, which episode are you guys picking over the other? Both episodes dealt with gender themes.

I always liked Daniela, but just saw Boy Crazy on my S5 rewatch and then I had to go back and watch Daniela again. I’m choosing Boy Crazy.

I felt like Boy Crazy was more emotional and traumatic to watch. Also, felt like more of the story was told through what Sam was going through compared to Daniela where it just feels like we get the perspective from other people and her story’s not shown too much on screen, the detectives are just trying to figure out what happen to her. It feels like Boy Crazy was a bit better executed to me.

Boy Crazy was very troubling to see the girls go through electroshock therapy and then training to act like a girl in society. Then, there’s also the fact where I felt bad for the doer being arrested in the end because he was just trying to put her out of her misery when she was essentially just a vegetable from the electroshock therapy 😢.

I don’t understand how this episode is only rated like 7.6/7.7 on IMDB 😭. It’s one of my favorite episodes of Cold Case of all time, probably an 8.6 or 8.8. Easily top 10, but on the lower end with so many good heavyweights.

Who else loves this episode like me?

I just like that the tone of this episode is so different from the other episodes of Cold Case that are a bit darker and more emotional.

This one was the funniest and “lightest” episode during the show’s run imo. I know we have funny one liners and little funny scenes from time to time with the detectives throughout the show’s run, but this episode has got to be as close to comedy as possible from start to finish. I always look forward to this one on rewatches.

Nick carries this episode with him becoming immersed in Amish culture and the gang giving him crap for it 😂. Then, there’s Scotty’s interrogation scene with Vince. “How I know id be talking to you again…. Dont know, woman’s intuition?” And, I just love the ending with Kelly Clarkson’s Breakaway song as it shows Sarah Gungden leaving for rumspringa still after finding out what happened to her sister Anna.

I’m 33F, married, with a child btw and here’s the update to the mom I’ve been pissed off at since she made a sarcastic voicemail suggesting I wasnt all that busy. She doesn’t respect boundaries at all. Kept calling me this past week and then when that doesn’t work because I just ignore them and ignore her voicemails that are probably also just going to make me angrier, she texts me.

Fucking narc parent. You know what she texts me? I didn’t even watch the Instagram video and I’m not going to judging by the subtitle that already shows up that says “I never kept score raising my children.”

Surrrrrrreeee mom 🙄. This from the woman who always told us what we owe her for our paid off college education, giving us the old family car while the family got a new car, etc. Also, lecturing us about how we have to take care of her when she’s older because she becomes the “baby.”

Narcs listening to other narc videos are the worst thing to happen to the internet. I hate that my mom discovered YouTube and Instagram. All to feed her precious echo chamber on what a “good mom” she is. Cant even fathom how horrible she is that neither of her children want anything to do with her.

Good moms know what the fuck their children is dealing with because their children are willing to come to them and talk. Good moms also don’t assume their children aren’t fucking busy and have things to deal with in their lives.

I’m still pissed because she doesn’t know what I’m dealing with on that day she assumed I wasn’t busy because I’m a SAHM. I’ve been stressed out about my husband’s medical diagnosis of high cholesterol and prediabetes. Meal prepping high protein fiber breakfasts for him (because I usually just fast and have a cup of coffee) is what I was doing along with trying to get dinner mostly done before my daughter’s swim class. She doesn’t know any of this because she would just blame my husband’s medical problems on me since I do most of the cooking (even though by that logic she also made my dad prediabetic).

My husband doesn’t seem as stressed out about his medical diagnosis as I am though 🙄. He started exercising and lifting a bit more everyday, but also he’s just like well my dad’s still smoking cigarettes and he’s almost 80. He had the nerve to ask if he could have a scoop of ice cream like two weeks ago 😂 after he downed a large sugary sprite. I’m like do you know how much sugar is in a soda? You didn’t even get zero sugar. So no. I’m having a tiny scoop of ice cream because I just had sparkling water at the movie theater.

I wish my mom would go off and die sometimes. Is that bad? She’s 70 something and I’d rather her not live another 20+ years to get to her 90s like most Asians typically live up to.

I did 6 months of no contact last time when the Asian parents pissed me off. Me and my older brother both did NC around the same period. And, it was the most peaceful 6 months I’ve ever had in my life that I can confidently say I really wouldn’t miss them when they die. I’ve done everything in my life to try and keep the peace with them or try to better our relationship. I have no regrets on my efforts in that department even when you end up getting burned for it.

Now, my brother and I are semi in-contact with our folks again for close to a year now. And, they’re flying out for a visit sometime mid visit in August and we always split the “prison time” as I call it with our overbearing parents. Half the week with him, half the other week with my family.

Anyways, my mom left me an insulting voicemail on Wednesday last week. She called, I picked up and said I was too busy grocery shopping at the supermarket today. She wanted me to call back later. I was going to, but I’ve been busy all that day after the grocery shopping. I was meal prepping, working out, and making sure we had a quick dinner ready because we have to leave the house at 4:30 on Wednesdays to make it on time for our daughter’s swim class at 5 PM and we don’t get back until 6 PM for dinner.

But because I never called her back before 5 PM or so, she thought she wasn’t going to get a call from me that day and left a really insulting voicemail on my phone as we were heading to my daughter’s swim class. If you wanted a phone call, you’re certainly not going to get one after that. I’ve been pissed off and ignoring her calls since then. I really don’t feel like talking to her.

Her insulting voicemail was “other children like to talk to their parents” and a sarcastic “are you really that busy all day?!”

Why yes mother, I am. You see unlike you, I don’t neglect my child. I’m teaching her and praising her all day long. I’m making sure she gets the attention she wants from me. My child is sassy and full of confidence in ways I could never have been growing up.

I am an almost 34 year old woman with a husband and a child and been living away from them ever since college, which has been the greatest blessing ever. And, my mom still hasn’t cut the umbilical cord so to speak…… woman needs to get her own life in retirement from thinking about her children.

Oh, and I had a career as a video editor for a bit too. So, went to college, got a job, made enough money to travel and live on my own, got married, have a house, gave birth to a baby, and my mom still literally treats me like a child.

I told my doctor what’s been going on and she mentioned another patient ran into a similar problem as me, but they worked with a cvs specialty pharmacy person that was able to get them signed up to prudent RX to help with the Enbrel copay problem. I might try them next because my doctor said she still doesn’t have an Enbrel rep to be able to get more samples and Amgen support hasn’t been very helpful other than trying to re-enroll me three times and failing in their system or the usual answer after all this, “we don’t have an estimated turn around time with the escalation team.” Basically their answer is sit and wait 😡.

She mentioned that they cut funding for Enbrel copay. By they, is it something Trump did or Amgen? I couldn’t find anything when I asked ChatGPT about it.

First off, I’m still almost a whole month with no consistent supply of Enbrel because I keep getting my the runaround from Amgen support every time I contact to follow up on my case. Each time they do something, it’s already something we’ve done. Not sure if I have to get Aetna involved to see if they’re the one denying it because the Amgen rep I spoke to this past week managed to get my account unsuspended on one side that hasn’t been active since June, but the copay card still didn’t go through with CVS Speciality. Still quoting me $250 a month vs $0 I normally pay for the shots with my copay card and reaching my insurance minimums.

Anyways, I’ve been relying on samples from the doctor’s office 🥴 and the doctor told me she’s without an Enbrel rep in the area now 😢, so I only have two shots. Took one today so I’m down to one shot.

She gave me Enbrel sureclick samples. I’m normally Enbrel autoinjector with the mini cartridges. I was wondering if it’s a normal thing that the Enbrel sureclicks hurt less than the autoinjector?

I had trepidations taking it today for the first time because I had to pinch/stretch the skin out and do it 90 degrees on the thigh. But, the sureclick didn’t hurt at all. With the autoinjector, you don’t have to do any of that and just press the button and it goes. But, it usually stings afterwards/during going in even after leaving out the cartridge the night before.

Did I just get a good sureclick? Not sure if the spring tension inside them varies and sometimes you get a painful injection.

If there is a difference, I might want to switch over to the sureclicks.

Not sure what else I can do here and if somebody on here has any solutions towards getting the problem resolved.

I’ve spoken to three different Amgen support representatives now and it just feels like a game of hot potato of passing off the problem/blame.

The first time, the representative told me I needed to re-enroll and that my current copay card was expired. We tried to re-enroll, but then she said they’re having a technical issue with their system to finish processing the re-enrollment and that she would have to escalate this to someone in their system.

Definitely didn’t happen.

The second time, another representative told me that someone had put a maximizer on my re-enrollment. I’m like I have no third party paying for this so they then took the maximizer off my re-enrollment and said it would clear within 24 hrs.

I knew it was a ton of bullshit so I waited until after 4th of July to follow back again. Surprise surprise re-enrollment still hasn’t cleared.

Today, speaking to a third representative…. They really didn’t offer any new alternatives to this problem. Just said we could try to re enroll again and then if it doesn’t clear, she would escalate this problem in their system 🙄.

Someone would call me back she says, but I highly doubt it if I’m not hounding these people…..

Idk if anyone here has seen the clip of an older gentleman harassing the girl dad with his two girls in the women’s bathroom, but that about made me cry 😭.

The older gentleman kept insisting I think that he has a wife and his wife should be in the bathroom helping with those two girls.

Sir, it’s not that black and white.

I remember we were going to see my friend in Dallas and passed by a Love’s gas station in Denton to use the bathroom, but also change my daughter’s diaper. No family restroom, no changing table in the men’s. My husband went into the women’s while I was peeing to change our daughter’s diaper. One other woman entered and didn’t have a problem with him. But then, he got kicked out by a loves store employee that passed by the bathroom and I ended up needing to takeover.

I just felt frustrated and lost because it was still early in my RA diagnosis postpartum and waiting for Enbrel to take full effect. I never had RA previously until the pregnancy. My body felt even more foreign to me afterwards. Hands and fingers still weren’t working right, didn’t feel enough sensation in them. They felt numb to me so diaper changes early on were really tough and I needed my husband’s help, especially with the buttons in baby clothes.

I got through it in the end without my husband’s help, but it was really a task I was dreading. It’s not that it was 100% physically impossible, but it’s a task that took everything out from me at the time to get done and way slower.

I just wished there was more sympathy in the world. Like yes you see me being able to walk around and stand up, but does that mean all of me is physically capable? I really hate how invisible this disease is at times. I certainly never knew before I got RA that people can have this type of disease so young. I only knew of psoriatic arthritis because my brother got that in his 20s from psoriasis.