Why are we the only “only” family we know?
I’ve been fence sitting basically since my kid (turning 3 soon) was born. Newborn phase totally kicked my ass. My kid is highly spirited and not a good sleeper, so toddler phase also currently kicking my ass. I love my child more than anything but I’m perpetually exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally. In a perfect world where we had more money, more help, more space, more energy, I would love to have a second, but that’s not reality. It’s on my mind almost every day and I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that my family likely won’t look how I always imagined it.
So I guess I’m wondering - how is it that I’m seemingly the only person I know who only has one/is planning to be one and done? I follow ~500 people I went to high school or college with on social media and I’m not exaggerating when I say that there is literally only one couple I know who has an only (an acquaintance from HS). Everyone else either already has 2 or are expecting their second or third. A couple I went to college with is having their 3rd in less than 3 years. So in the time span my one kid has been alive, they’ve brought 3 into the world. It’s just mind boggling to me.
I guess I find it confusing. I can’t be the only person out here thinking parenting is really fucking hard. So why is it that seemingly no one else is considering being one and done? Is it just so horrible to imagine having an only child that literally everyone is willing to put themselves through the stress of pregnancy, postpartum, toddlerhood insanity? Not to mention the financial burden of putting multiple kids through daycare, extracurriculars and college?
I don’t really know what I’m looking for by writing this. Sometimes I can’t help look at all these people and think “they’re doing it..how come you can’t?” and feel super inadequate. And while I would love to have another and experience all the joy and love, I also know that my mental health is already suffering just having one. So why does it feel like I’m the only person I know who is willing to recognize and honor my own limits? Or is it just easier for other people? I just don’t know. I’m finding watching everyone I know go on to have more children to be very difficult even though deep down I know I cannot handle another. Its sort warped my sense of time and makes me feel anxious every time I see it, and I can’t help feel like there’s something wrong with me.