I came back to Islam but I’m struggling with zina
So basically, this started a few months ago.
I was born Muslim and Last year (2025) my Imaan was at its prime, I was a very practicing Muslim. Like genuinely dedicated. It was my first year of uni and girls would approach me, but I’d always say I’m waiting for marriage. I had so much taqwa back then that zina wasn’t even an option in my mind.
Then at the end of this years Ramadan, I had a debate with an atheist about the problem of evil. He brought up things like cancer, earthquakes, floods, etc. and basically asked me how those things could exist if Allah is all-good and humans don’t cause them through free will.
That conversation really messed with my head. I started questioning Islam and eventually left. I became agnostic and basically stopped believing in God.
A few months later, girls started approaching me and wanting sex. Since I wasn’t Muslim anymore, I basically thought, “Fuck it, why not?” I lost my virginity and then eventually started hooking up more and even paying escorts.
But the weird thing is, even after the first time, I felt like I had betrayed someone. I couldn’t explain why. Then things just kept getting worse mentally until I eventually started looking for answers and came back to Islam.
Alhamdulillah, I’m Muslim again now. But I’m struggling HARD with zina.
Whenever I get the urge, my brain literally goes: “Just do it, ask Allah for forgiveness later.”
And I keep falling for it.
I actually did it again today and I feel fucking ashamed. I feel like I betrayed Allah, especially because when I came back to Islam I promised myself I wouldn’t do this anymore.
Part of me feels like I shouldn’t even pray because I’m so ashamed, but I know that’s not what I should do. I’m going to pray regardless.
The biggest thing I want back is my taqwa.
Back then, I feared Allah so much that even thinking about zina was like HELL NO. Now the urge comes and I can convince myself to do it so easily.
It’s basically become:
urge → “just do it” → zina → guilt → repent → promise to stop → repeat.
I don’t want this cycle anymore.
For Muslims who have struggled with zina, sexual addiction/compulsive sexual behaviour, or anything similar. how did you rebuild your taqwa? How did you actually break the cycle?
I don’t just want to feel guilty after I sin. I genuinely want to change.