Marriage is optional
As a woman with a mother just like any other habesha (Ethiopian) "show me the honour of your marriage" has always been something I heard often. And apart from that, there was a time when marriage seemed like the final destination if not the most important.
But the crazy thing is I genuinely was not capable of imagining life without possibly getting married someday and having kids. It was just not an option in my mind. The irritation of seeing people in failed or abusive marriages advocating for women to get married quick was always there. I used to come up with principles in my mind of how I'd want my partner to treat me and I'd create my boundaries because for me marriage was inevitable. Better to prepare for the impact.
Now, a decade later it slowly dawned on me that I don't have to if I didn't want to. Especially not at a young age either and certainly not just to settle down. Suddenly I realized that it was not a make or break situation, you could do it if you meet someone who has the same values, and someone who makes a great partner but if not you don't have to settle for something less... You could just live.
It's also pretty scary what parents will have you do just for the sake of their happiness and it's even scarier to dissect that tendency in you willing to go the extra mile to keep them happy. There's a stigma towards unmarried women, there are names called and assumptions made when you decide to take control of your life. But at the end of the day, it is still your life and it's worth all the pain to keep it that way.