u/Relevant_Subject377

For context I have bpd and mdd and I’m autistic and adhd.
I honestly don’t know how yall fight your mental health and try to change your lifestyle and diet. I was 300 in January ‘26. I’ve been watching a lot of fitness/ex fat people on YouTube and in April 26’ I was wanting to get healthy for my son since he’s a toddler now and I have healed from my complications from pregnancy (broke a bone so really not trying to make excuses). I was 274.0 pounds on June 27. I am now a whopping 284.3 TODAY. Yes I weighed myself at the same time when I got up in the morning before I ate anything. And I’m just so disgusted with myself I don’t even know what to say. My mind just won’t stfu and I can’t ignore the voices in my head telling me to eat. And it doesn’t matter if I do or don’t indulge I just have a million scenarios running in my head. Im just so tired of it and I just get sent spiraling every other week because of fucking food. I don’t care what people say this is so hard then just “putting down the fork” how the hell do you guys do this. Especially as an autistic adult I do have my free will to eat whatever and sometimes I love eating my meal preps and then I’ll just decide I’ll actually throw up and want to jump off a bridge if I have to eat it again. The mental gymnastics of what should I eat, how does this affect me, how is this affecting my child. I’m just going to give up again and again and keep doing this to myself. How tf did you overcome major weight loss with as many mental health problems this causes for me. And yes im in therapy and on mediation but doesn’t help. Im too self aware so therapists are just useless to me in general. I don’t know im just stuck :/