Why Does Female Happiness Trigger So Much Hate?
I am leaving a deeply sexist country, yet ironically, the people who hurt me the most were, in the vast majority of cases, women. Unexpected, isn’t it? At this point, though, I am exhausted — and honestly relieved that I am finally leaving Portugal.
I was raised around sports, discipline, and self-care. Since childhood, I have practiced several sports and always taken care of my appearance. That mindset came from my mother, who was always a beautiful woman, full of self-respect and warmth. However, my mother grew up in Argentina and only moved to Portugal at the age of 30, where my siblings and I were born. My father was not Portuguese either — he was Argentine as well. And I say “was” because he has not been part of my life for many years.
My father abused my mother daily. He tore her dresses, beat her if she went to a beauty salon to get her nails done, and little by little he started hitting me too. I was always the copy of my mother, and I think that deeply irritated him. Over time, he destroyed her spirit, and today my mother is a very sick woman who completely lost her spark. I still have not managed to get her out of that house. I promised her I would take care of her and make sure she would never lack anything, but because she comes from an extremely religious family, she still believes divorce is a sin and that marriage must last forever.
My past is filled with trauma: violence, my father’s alcoholism, hospital visits, and the unbearable pain of watching the person I love most in the world — my mother — lose her light. Because of this, I became extremely aware of domestic violence and women’s issues. I went through years of therapy and have often been the person warning friends that they were trapped in toxic relationships. I am independent, I own my own business, and I have been married for 10 years. My husband is the kindest and most gentlemanly person I have ever met in my life. Without him, I am certain I would have remained single forever.
Sports are a huge part of my life. I genuinely love training and I have a very toned body. My business is also aesthetics-related, so I am usually very well groomed and put together. Yet despite all of this, I am deeply unhappy in Portugal.
For years now, making female friendships here has felt almost impossible. Women often look at me as if I were a rival, a target to destroy, even though I am married. It is extremely common for me to simply walk through a shopping mall and be met with looks of contempt, even when I am dressed casually in jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. Sometimes, even when I am with my husband, I feel as though people look at me like I stole someone else’s man without realizing it, because honestly… that amount of hatred cannot be normal.
I usually react in two ways. Most of the time, I feel angry. I would be the first person to step in if I saw a woman in a vulnerable situation. I fight constantly to change mentalities, yet it feels as though simply existing and being happy somehow makes me a criminal. Other times, I just feel sadness — like today. I went for a walk at the mall because I was exhausted and my salon is nearby. I sat down to have a coffee and clear my head, and once again it was stare after stare, each one filled with a bitterness and contempt that I genuinely do not understand.
Maybe because my emigration papers are already ready, and because this final change will happen within a month, the reality of it all suddenly hit me. For the first time, I completely broke down crying and wanted to scream: “My God, what did I ever do to you? What did I do wrong? Was it wearing lipstick? Loving myself too much?”
Even now, at 38 years old, I still cry over this because nothing has changed. While my mother is mistreated at home, unable to understand that she still has options and refusing help, so many women waste their energy on pointless cruelty instead of valuing what truly matters. I would give anything to make my mother happy. I would give anything for women to understand that we are supposed to stand together because there is still so much left to change in this world.
I am tired. I am tired of my mere existence sometimes being enough for an insecure and frustrated woman to decide to create conflict with me. I am tired of my happiness being treated like an offense, when all I have ever wanted was to care about people and wish them well.
Of course, this is not the only reason I decided to leave, but soon I will be moving away — and no, not to Argentina. My salon in Málaga is already open and fully prepared to operate. I have spent a lot of time in Spain already, and I felt far more welcomed and at peace there. I truly hope that one day my mother can join me and finally understand what happiness feels like. And above all, I hope to finally find in Spain the peace I never found in Portugal: the freedom to be happy, light, and surrounded by kind, genuine people.