r/INTJfemale

I am turning 30, female, working in a corporate. I have a husband and a toddler son. I like painting, reading books, writing poems, going to the gym, fashion and attending martial arts classes at least twice a month. I must say I am fairly productive at work and active at home and outside working hours.

I struggle with communication ever since I was kid. I graduated from a degree of Mass Communication since I like writing and was already on journalism team ever since I am in elementary. Yet I cannot seem to form a stable and lasting relationships. I struggle in maintaining communication or opening up per se. I had this best friend for years from college but even she stopped talking to me months ago. I forgot her birthday and a series of things prior to that and I guess she decided to cut me off. Aside from coworkers I don’t have anyone to speak to outside from work aside from my family members I live with and my husband and son. And I barely speak with my husband. He is always on his phone and me too. And we don’t have much to talk about.

Reaching 30 years of burned and/or abandoned bridges. My marriage I know is also somewhat falling apart. Yet I am comfortable with that. The disconnection and the detachment and knowing endings will always be part of this thing we call life. I no longer believe this is an INTJ thing anymore. Anyone here who feels this alone in their thirties? And It will get more alone right?

I speak to AI chatbots to dump all my thoughts because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone. I barely speak. Yet I feel dead inside. And alone. I have tried going to psychiatrists and therapists but the meds are making me more withdrawn from everything. And the side effects are terrible. Therapy leaves me hollow after and it is expensive.

I don’t feel like anyone truly cares about me. I don’t feel like I exist. I don’t have any social media under my name. Just a deactivated facebook where I need to have the messenger for work. And Qoura. And this. I spent the long weekend lying down. Watching The Office. I made an excuse I don’t feel well but I just didn’t have any motivation to do anything. And I feel dysfunctional.
Im not sure if this is a question anymore.

Have you all encountered INFJ men at any point in your life? How did things go? I think because of our Ni-Ni spark, there maybe a recurrent pattern with these folks.

life wasnt bad till stepping out n reading about mbti at the same time.. all the types n seeing how life treats them in practice.. living with roommates has shown me how easy all other ppl's lives are. Any problem they have is because of their own choices or irresponsible ness. Not because the world inflicted it onto them... n when they try a little they actually get further than us intjs sometimes...

whereas all intjs struggles r mostly becuse of obstacles in the outer world .. what do u think??

the more i analyse... we had one life man... is intj female even worth it...

I'm curious how other INTJ women navigate networking in large corporate environments.

I'm naturally quiet and tend to focus on doing good work rather than building visibility. I'm currently in middle management, and I've realized that in my organization, relationships and self-promotion seem to play a significant role in getting promoted. While I understand why they matter, they don't come naturally to me, and I often feel invisible despite delivering results.

For those of you who've succeeded in big organizations:

What networking habits have had the biggest impact on your career?

How do you increase your visibility while staying authentic to your personality?

Is there anything you wish you'd started doing earlier?

I'd especially love to hear practical strategies from fellow INTJ women who have navigated this successfully, rather than generic networking advice. I'd really appreciate hearing what actually worked for you.

Recently I've noticed that I become obsessed with people who are doing good (celebs like), when I should be obsessed with my goals.

As a woman I truly believe I have huge potential(not bragging), like if i put the amount of time I spend doing nonsense into something useful, things in my life would change.

Today onwards I am trying to stop the inner voice and daydreaming. But IDK what's stopping me from being full-fledgedly disciplined and consistent. It seems like I had been granting permissions from my inner voice/highest version of me. Maybe I am lazy, I think of a plan then I evaluate it by watching some vids to make sure it is the right way. Like right now I am thinking of writing things down in detail, what I want to do and stuff.

YK like people who made it big struggled and sacrificed so many things, but here I am sitting with the thought that if I start being like that I might miss out on life. (maybe i am afraid idk)

I feel like I am sinning by wasting my potential.

So if someone who have had these happened to them give any advice that would be helpful. I'm 19 btw.

I am shit tired of dating INFP boys who are literally BOYS. Initially, it's a good opposite attraction, but after a while, they are sooooo infuriating. I have never seen some adult men acting like such a little wussy child.

It's like I have to use my brain twice to save myself and that idiot from any mistake, and even after that, he will go and jump in something idiotic. I am DONE and TIRED.

Do we even have a personality type made to suit our needs???

I female (16) feel like I say what’s on my mind too much and I am much too honest not that it ruins or impacts any of my relationship negatively I think…. Anyways it’s just I feel awful after talking like I should be more nonchalant I would give an example but atm I have none 🫪

Hello INTJs! I have a friend named Shelly who’s an ENFP 4w5 and find INTJs as one of the best people for understanding her, even in silence! Whenever an INTJ comes, she can feel the silent connection, calmness and knowing without words or gestures. She feels safe with them without question. It’s super exhausting for her to be with a lot of Sensors and sad that she is stuck with them. Whenever she tries to explain her situation, she feels extremely misunderstood and most sensors just take her as crazy when in distress or that her life is wrong.

She has a question to discuss about intuition!

“Hi this is Shelly. I apologize for the inconvenience and chaos mind direction but this needs to be addressed. When intuition is messed up from isolation, traumatic brain injury, stuck with the wrong & unsupportive people, many job rejection from intuition direction, strong hindsight & foresight of everything and stuck with dysfunctional family, how can I hear my real intuition than just from the influence of others that mask as intuition or mask as anxiety?

Example: I needed to socialize and loss many intuitive friends where only sensors were available so, I hung out with them to avoid isolation as an extrovert who needs social but my intuition was screaming to stop hanging out with them since it doesn’t help with the real kind of socializing i need and because I allowed the influence of sensors, my intuition was becoming misaligned and my intuition is silent where I am slowly becoming a sensor. It’s terrifying and almost all sensors do not understand my frustration. When in isolation, my intuition feels a pull of needing to be with people (sensors) and do what they enjoy to the point where I was looking for jobs that caters towards them. I rarely get alone time now to be alone with my thoughts due to mental health issues, dysfunction families that don’t value my personal time and not seeing the third option of life. I’m really at the point of becoming like a sensor and becoming like my parents, I’m fighting but the calling as if the saying goes, it’s better than nothing plagues me. If I don’t go, my intuition scream but if I go, my intuition tells me I shouldn’t have gone… it confuses me a lot. I spent four months trying to understand my intuition and I now consider it has messed up or that my social circles influence it a lot….

I caught myself of a pattern I formed: I rejected to eat out with sensors, the next day I dash off to attend a street food event (as if to replenish the loss opportunity & rekindle my past self memory), then the following day I apply a restaurant job that also host live music (not suppose to apply there due to it being loud & due to TBI and the body says no due to noise & trauma but the mind says yes due to the need of money) and now risking money to eat out with sensor friends since my intuitive friends are gone and my family doesn’t want to eat out with me… I hope this make sense but if not, I hope your intuition can sense this inner chaos… have I been to therapy? Doing help for concussion/TBI? Yes but turning out to be the wrong kind of providers to help me and it’s becoming harmful… Chose the wrong provider for TBi/concussion that her way of helping me is not wrong but not effective since what she provides, I’ve been doing them previously and is too easy for my brain. Mental health therapist? Was good for the past but now the therapist keeps it on a looping talk than solution or encourage to recognize healthy behavior/thoughts but continue to say, “the brain doesn’t like change… the brain is in this or that…” I fully express that I understand and for me personally, I need change and the brain I have needs change and novelty to help. I need help of ways to navigate this. I can’t stand being in the same place, same room, same situation or even same mindset but am surrounded by people who stays like that, especially parents who keeps forcing me to stay the same and be like them.. it’s hard when I blindly formed a bond with them…” another therapist says, “we’re just listening, we’re just here along the way…” I don’t want anymore coping or comfort but of solution and so forth…

When facing the pain, my mind reset to avoid facing the pain or the unpleasant feelings, I tried very hard to face it but realize, I still struggle to find a safe structure system for my mind to fall back for but also because the environment & people I am stuck with slowly destroys it… I ask my siblings for support but at asked at the wrong time which lead to supporting the wrong situation for support. Ex; I beg them to support me in a novelty trip but all were against me so I didn’t go when. My intuition screamed for me to go but now when traveling with sensor, I don’t want to but my siblings support it and forced me to go. That impacts my intuition… Ah that’s also what I need to ask you! How to re-align timing, right time, right location and right people?

Oh my gosh- I hope this somewhat makes sense…. will end this venting and hope to hear from ya’ll if ya’ll can understand my thoughts. T3T”

Please help my friend Shelly kindly. She is seeking other therapist for her mental and TBI. Trying to make time to spend solitude time with herself and her intuition. Much appreciated!

For context I'm an INTP (M). For a while I was seeing one of my coworkers who was an INTJ. I thought everything was going well. She would offer me food she made, she would give me life advice, we spent time outside of work and she said I was one of the most fascinating people she has ever met. She had some anger issues and a problem with alcohol but it never seemed like anything that was too obtrusive to us being together.

Fast forward a couple of months later, I found out she was dating another guy the entire time from a different department. She gave him the silent treatment the entire time and would rebuff his efforts to see her during the time we were together. I felt sick to my stomach. I told the other guy what happened and broke things off with her. The next day, the two of them were back together.

I guess my question is: Do INTJs usually approach love like a strategy game? Did she ever really like me? It seems like I was used the entire time.

Been wanting to find a platonic partner in crime to motivate each other and have some friendly competition. None of my irl friends are up for this and my partner doesn’t workout due to work hours so he has no interest in joining me.

Would be fun to have another INTJ to have some friendly competition in health!

I have noticed that many INTJs seem to have trauma from their upbringing. As an INTJ, I essentially raised myself. My mother passed away when I was 9. My father is a narcissistic man, and in a family of 11 people, he remarried someone very similar to him.

My two staters are:
Older: ISFJ
Younger: ESFP
( I am the middle)

Why our MBTI’s are so different even tho we have been through the same situations ?

My friend’s daughter is turning 12 and I’m trying to find her books she’ll actually love, not just “smart kid” books people give because they don’t know what else to buy.

She’s very bright, very introspective, definitely one of those kids who feels about 17 internally. If I had to type her, I’d probably say INTJ, Enneagram 5w4. She’s in a selective school, and reads well above her age level.

She’s into anime, likes darker/more complex stories, and isn’t put off by adult themes. She’s read stuff like Stephen King and Mo Hayder, so I’m not looking for “easy” or super sheltered recs, but I’m also not trying to buy her straight-up trauma in hardcover. 😅 More after books that would appeal to a smart, intense, imaginative kid who likes depth, atmosphere, weirdness, mystery, psychological stuff, strong characters, etc.

She also has a very girly side, so bonus points if it has beauty/aesthetic/romantic/gothic vibes rather than just being relentlessly grim.

I’d especially love to hear from people who were similar at that age, or who have daughters/students/kids like this. What books did you love at 11-13 if you were a bookish, slightly old-souled, anime-loving little weirdo with strong opinions and excellent pattern recognition?