r/INTJfemale

36f here and throughout life I've noticed many of my female friends have had exes reappear and I used to feel almost offended that mine never did. I didn't date many men, but only one tried to reach out a year after dumping me (we only dated for a few months, but he was sketchy in how he went about it) and I did not entertain it.

I realize that I am not warm and welcoming to exes. I won't respond just to "be nice". I don't care how they're doing, and why are they reaching out now? When things ended I might be upset initially, but I moved on. I don't go backwards. I've been thinking as an INTJ we may be less likely to entertain people from our past, whether it be for attention or to "be polite". We are generally pretty direct and confident in our choices, especially as we mature, so I'm curious to see if you have also not really experienced exes coming back around?

If you could drop into your own timeline once per decade (0-10s, 10s-20s, 20s-30s...) and interrupt yourself with a single piece of useful information/ perspective/ advice, what would it be for each one?

Feel free to add a why too if you feel like it

Hi everyone, I’m a (19F) INTJ, mildly autistic, and I’m reaching out for advice on improving my verbal communication skills. Socializing has always been a massive challenge for me. Keeping conversations flowing in real-time takes a huge amount of mental energy, and my social battery drains extremely fast. People have often told me that I sound formal or robotic when I speak, and I have a really hard time expressing myself clearly.

Because of my autism, I’ve faced discrimination and harassment for most of my life. These negative experiences have left me with random intrusive thoughts that constantly echo in my mind, telling me to pull away from people and break off friendships. When I get overwhelmed, my default response is to isolate myself and avoid hanging out. Because no one ever really taught me how to navigate social interactions, I’ve often felt like a failure or worried that I'm stuck being socially awkward forever.

Recently, a close friend (19M) agreed to help me practice talking and give me feedback. He’s an ENFP guy who is super energetic, kindhearted, and an amazing communicator. He’s truly brightened my life, and we have a strong bond where I view him like a brother. At the same time, I’ve had complex feelings pop up, even though I know he isn't available romantically. I really want to protect our friendship, keep things strictly platonic, and make sure I don't let my anxieties or feelings make our practice sessions weird.

As an INTJ who processes things logically and internally, matching the high energy of an ENFP can feel both inspiring and intimidating. I’m hoping to get advice from others especially neurodivergent folks or INTJs who have worked on their social skills:

1. What are some low-pressure exercises or techniques we can use to practice keeping verbal conversations flowing and sound more natural instead of formal or robotic?

2. How do you quiet intrusive thoughts that tell you to end friendships or isolate yourself when you feel overwhelmed?

3. How can I manage social burnout so I don't instantly retreat when my battery drops?

4. How can I keep clear boundaries in my own head so my personal feelings don't interfere with our friendship?

Please do not say anything negative, judge, dismiss, or make a joke out of what I’m saying. I’m being vulnerable here and genuinely looking for supportive and constructive advice.