Still holding on to hope.
I'm in my early 20s, dropped out of college twice, and now I'm back studying again. I feel like I can actually do it this time. The only problem is, while I'm more stable than ever, more capable than ever...I'm more depressed than ever.
I have some online friends, one being my best friend, and when I'm chatting with them I feel kinda ok. But the countless hours I spend alone and isolated are getting to me. I lost my car to an accident, and my parents spent the insurance money on bills. I live in the middle of nowhere and have no way of actually working for a car since both parents work full time, so I have no ride and live too far out to ask the one friend I have irl here.
I feel stuck and lonely. I've tried making new friends and dating with apps and online, with some luck, but my being on an inconsistent online job and no way of actually meeting up with people. I feel alone. I don't know how to make friends or meet anyone.
I think a good portion of my depression is literally chemical imbalance, I have some mental health stuff, but I'm sure a lot of it is that I spend weeks without leaving the house. I also get severe panic attacks just being in a car, plus being slightly agoraphobic. So I just kinda feel like "well shit...Welp, time to bed rot".
I'm not really sure what i'm looking for out of this post..advice maybe, possibly just support. Idk. I just needed to get it off my chest somehow. It makes me feel better to type it out and see what I'm actually feeling.