u/ReservedAlbatross

I have been with my partner for a year and a few months. He can’t seem to not yell at me even though I’ve repeatedly asked not to as it is an autistic trigger for me and immediately makes me cry.

We are also working together and every time we have to talk about money or structure of the deliverables he’s starts yelling in anger if I ask too many questions about anything.

The yelling usually doesn’t stop unless I leave but he’ll still be upset and say we have unresolved issues. He often says he’s being manipulated and gaslight and his anger and talking down to me is not going to change.

Today he was upset about a conversation we had yesterday over the phone about work where he began to yell because I asked a if the preference to a purchase was personal or a professional need. When he explained it sounded personal but in the end we ordered what he said.

Today he said he was still angry because he did not feel heard even though we ordered what he said. To express this he started yelling again. In addition Expressing he has to yell because he’s mad and asking him not to yell is gaslighting manipulation.

TLDR:
I ask the Ai this question…; what does it mean if your partner is yelling at you and you ask them not to yell but they say they have to yell at you because asking them not to is manipulation gaslighting them, …and it said it’s Darvo but idk how to say stop Darvo if it’s Darvo without receiving aggression.

If this is Darvo what can I do ?