u/Resident-Growth-941

An "out of integrity nugget" from my brain today, regarding the coaching industry:

Coaching programs encourage new coaches to "charge their worth," which as another post today was sharing is sometimes upwards of $297. Interestingly in these same programs, usually the coaches in training do hour swaps, where they all coach each other. In our program we had to charge each other $100 a session. The only group making money on this was paypal.

Coaches coaching coaches (aka certification programs) are often upwards of $10k-ish. Stack that up and the owner or lead coach is making decent money.

But yet, when the coach who coaches coaches fills up her (usually her) "mentor coach" spots, in my experience, they get paid next to nothing. In ours, we got a very measily $300 a month (6 months), room and board at a weekend retreat, and very rarely we "got" to coach a trainee for $100 a session. The monthly rate covered doing weekly group calls with our small group, answering emails, reviewing transcripts, doing break outs on the weekly big call, basically full responsibility for our small group of trainees during their time in the program.

And, the biggest payout we got was $1500 for referring someone IF they "graduated." The affiliate payout was bigger than any monthly payment as a mentor.

In other words, the lead/owner was bringing in the cash, and she basically got free labor from her leadership team. The messaging was "you're lucky to get to do this, because you can't do this anywhere else."

This doesn't align with "charge your worth," or set any sort of example for the other trainees. It's not living your truth or playing big. It's the opposite of all of those things. It says you're the best and brightest BUT.... there's no business plan for this outside of the coaching pyramid. You're one of the examples in the field BUT..... you'll make $2000 this year for doing this, while the owner / lead brings in over $200k

It was more brain washing. It's pure and simple an MLM. We were all downstream for this person, because we were deeply incentived to bring in more people. If you complained, you were out. If you criticized or offered suggestions, you got a word salad of rebuttal similar to Shoshanna's BS.

I don't know why anyone does life coach training, any more. Even as a solo coach in the field - the math doesn't work.

I am wondering if others have experienced this, and what to do?

My mom (83 PD)had let my sister and I know (we are both in our 50s) that she was getting a tooth removed. A couple of years ago she'd fallen, the tooth had cracked at the gum line, and the recommendation was to remove the visible section of the tooth and wear a "flipper" (tooth on a retainer) until things healed. The surgery this week that my mom had shared about was to remove that tooth from above the gum line and do a bone graft to fill the space. To me that's not a minor thing.

What she didn't tell us about was that she was also having a wisdom tooth removed that had cracked at the same appointment, which is another major mouth surgery. (from what I remember when mine were removed.)

So I took her to the appointment (she had originally arranged for a ride, but then we so upset that morning that I offered to take her). I was shocked when the surgeon was explaining the after care for the wisdom tooth removal. It involves a special diet, cleaning the site, etc. Inside I was mad she hadn't told us, but also did not want to appear panicked because that would set her off, and when she's nervous her tremor is uncontrollable. So I just asked her if she had the right food at home, to which she said "maybe."

I confirmed with my sister and no, she had not heard about the wisdom tooth.

Mom has done this before in various ways where all of a sudden we learn that oh! by the way, there's a surgery! (like a pacemaker last year, or carpal tunnel surgery 2 years before that - and let me be clear, these are not emergency events. These are things she finds out about, schedules, and then waits to tell us about (or doesn't explain) until we hear it from the doctor)).

And it's always a thing where my sister and I are left wondering a. why she hasn't given us the full info ahead of time b. if she needs help at home (my dad is gone, we don't live that close, she lives on her own) c. how it is that she thinks she might NOT need support after these kinds of things, even if it's just to have someone stay overnight.

So my questions - how do you get a PWP to be more forthcoming or at least share this kind of important info? we don't live with her, and the appts / surgeries aren't coming from a single doctor. It seems complicated to try in insert ourselves in the situation.

Short of packing for her for a hospital stay, or calling the dental surgeon to ask what is happening (and what after care is needed), how does one make sure that everything she really needs is packed or available at home afterwards? She fights us on this stuff. Even on the pacemaker overnight hospital stay, she refused to bring the pills she needed back in the pharmacy presecription bottles to hand to the hospital staff. so of course they would not give her that medication from her little pill pack, and it became a whole debacle. This made her mad, even though she'd been given the directions to put them in the presription bottles before going to the hospital. She also insists on ONLY going to a hospital 90 minutes from her home, so doing a 3 hour drive roundtrip to get the bottles was really not the answer.

How does one navigate this, after it's hit, without dropping everything to run to her? She does have access to a "home life," (a person that comes in once a week) but having that visit set up takes knowing she will need it.

Is this all related to dementia? setting up appointments or surgeries, but then not being able to plan through more than setting them up?

It seems like she has a really deep need to control everything, and expects people to play along. Is that kind of control a PD or dementia thing?

Thanks - I realize this is a lot, and I don't know what is PD vs dementia vs just being old and overwhelmed. My sister and I both parents of teenagers and have demanding jobs. We can schedule to be there for our mom, but this layer of unknown and not planning is a bit much.

I'm new here. My mom, 83, diagnosed, likely stage 3, seems to be declining. We are on vacation this week, and I do not usually live with her. This has been very difficult for me as I'm seeing a couple of things that I have not seen before, and they are very plain and hard to ignore. I'm juggling having my son here with his best friend (both teens) who has not travelled with us before. And my sister and her family are here but renting a different home.

Could folks who have experience with a Parkinsons parent weigh in and let me know if you've experienced these things before? Any advice?

1. New inability to understand or honor boundaries - I needed to work a bit here, and explained it several times to her. We also found that the wifi here only works in a couple of rooms, so I let her know I'd need to be in one of those to work. I sat down to work, she followed me in to the room, I told her I would be working, and she proceeded to starting talking to me. I reminded her I was working, and she kept going. I reminded 3 more times, and then got frustrated.

It was odd because it was clear to me that she could not stop herself from talking. Unfortunately, I didn't handle it well and snapped at her, and left the room.

While this was the most extreme example, she does this as well when we try to leave her house, try to get off the phone, or even get an electronic device out while she's around. It's like anything taking attention from her is a ... threat?

What is this? Hyberverbalism? Attention seeking? Fear? I don't know what it is so I don't know how to best help her, or avoid triggering the situation.

2. She's making up facts, both about real items in life, and about relationships. She has misnamed candy a common candy today, repeatedly.

More worrisome, she told me she "knows I hate my brother in law" and that because we "have a bad relationship" I was going to "ruin dinner for everyone." And it was said to me like I was a naughty child. She had been annoyed with him about how he'd asked her if we might want to go to dinner, and I agreed it was annoying. At the time, she had needed to take meds, and he'd asked us if we'd join them in about 90 minutes. She does not like changes to plans (this is new since PD).

I have no known beef with my brother in law, nor do I have a history of ruining dinner as an adult.

It was truly bizarre to me that she said this. Also troubling that she talked to me like I was 7. (I'm 54). I tried to point out to her that I like my brother in law, and I'm not a child that would pick a fight with someone over dinner because they'd annoyed me.

I don't understand this situation at all. I feel bad because she's clearly slipping, or stressed. I also feel bad that I'm trying to juggle this while we've brought a guest with us on vacation; I had not thought I'd be juggling being a mom and a caretaker in this way.

if anyone has thoughts, insights, ideas about what's happened, or just wants to offer solidarity, I'd welcome them. thank you all!

ADDING: thank you to everyone commenting. This has all caught me utterly off gaurd and I've been operating and acting as if not much had changed for my mom. I'm thinking this IS sundowning, and there's clearly more going on. I'm just going to approach the next 3 days AS IF there is infact a lot more of a decline and see what happens.

Even in talking to her this morning, it's clearer to me she's more argumentative in her conversational style and has a need to "prove" she's right about things than even a few weeks ago. I think I'll just be re-assuring and not take the bait. I know from having a husband with ADHD that arguments are often a dopamine hit; and I wonder if this is the same for Parkinsons?