u/ResistSpecialist4826

Hi - I’m an American living abroad in Spain with my family (husband, dog, kids) and it looks like we will have to come back to the US soon and a bit abruptly . After three years, the kids are finally very happy and settled and we’ve built up a life that I can honestly say I love the rhythm of. I’m back in the US now and I find myself cranky as all the things that I like better in western Europe (lack of car dependence , healthcare and even the cost of beer at public events) are making me grouchy and probably very annoying to be around. I’m having a hard time seeing all the good things here as I’m admittedly a funk about it and I’m a bit terrified of coming back home (not just because of the tangible things, but also because I’m afraid of a rough transition or depression that will make it hard for me to stay positive for the family). It’s like opening Pandora’s box. In Spain I can never fully belong . At home in the US I’m a pretentious a-hole who goes on about the lack of light rail and abundance of guns. I fully believe now that ignorance is bliss!! I’m glad we went but life was easier before!

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced these stages. Going home isn’t by choice so I have to find a way to make the most of it and then help my kids do the same. And we will likely move to a new place so we don’t feel totally like we just fell back into place and started time after a stop. At the same time it means more starting over.

I’m worried about the kids primarily. The feeling of both losing friends during pivotal middle school ages - and the freedom and independence they have now sucks. For me I’m worried about constantly having this feeling of longing for something I can’t have and feeling boxed in knowing we will likely go back to car dependent lives. Plus Something about not seeing people everywhere on the street living their lives drains me a bit. I like the energy that even many small European cities and villages have— that of life taking place out in the open. Plus making friends — again.

Families who have don’t this before, talk me through the emotions you felt and how things went upon your return. Did you accept your home country for what it is and enjoy it again? Did you return to your old life or start new? Did the kids get over the feeling of betrayal and being yanked around (they didn’t want to move there and now they don’t want to come back). What if anything do you wish you’d done differently?

I don’t know what I’m looking for. But anything you feel called upon to share I will read! Thank you. I know these are first world problems and I shouldn’t complain because most people never get this chance. But when I think of the kids especially— it definitely hurts.

Hi all. My family has been living in Barcelona for the last three years and due to reasons beyond our control, it’s looking like we might be needing to come back to the US soon. We are Americans- just have been out of the country for the past three years. My preference is for more city living with public transit but I have come to accept that just doesn’t work here in America at all on a normal budget with good public schools. My second idea was to go smaller town feel (within a bigger city) , in an area with a feeling of community and a walkable main street even if small —and neighborhoods close enough that my kids can have some independence still. Plus good public schools. Apex unexpectedly seems to fit some of this. Im not a fan of suburban sprawl, which is all of Raleigh and most of America, but a little area within the sprawl seems ok.
By bigger question and concern is vibe and culture. Will my family fit in? My son is soccer (futbol) obsessed and will be fine anywhere that he can make finding kids to play games with and join local teams. My 12 year old daughter is more alternative in style and interests. Shes into musical theatre and playing in a band and art and is very outspoken for her age on social issues (she’s also does a hillarious Trump impression). She currently goes to a very cool artsy progressive school in the city with plenty of kids like her. I want her to fit in and make friends. She has a ton where she is. Would I be moving her to a Lulumon/ Lilly Pulitzer southern suburban nightmare? Likewise, I really don’t need to be living in a dark blue bubble where everyone things the same, but at the same time progressive values and finding likeminded people are important to us. I’m just a bit nervous because our turnaround time to decide what to do is narrowing and the kids will be upset enough to leave their friends and life— can someone either reassure me or tell me to look elsewhere. I will say what I liked about Apex more than other places we looked in the triangle was the ability to find affordable places that are within the walking distance of the town and some parks. I want a village feel. It also seemed like the town was thinking about things to grow sense of community. Other areas have more amenities , but no sense of a common core — just strip malls to drive to. Can I have some thoughts that might help? I’m operating on very limited info and really just a few hours driving through the town before I toured around the triangle. Thank you!!