r/AmericanExpat

In the states, I was the disorganized jerk who was always late. Blame it on ADHD. Blame it on overprivileged. Blame it on just being that kind... However, thats me since birth.

Since moving abroad....I'm the foot tapper waiting, wishing we had a dang plan in advance and feeling stressed that I've no idea the address of the place we're going before five minutes before we were supposed to be there when its 20m across town. Won't our appointment be canceled?

However, man this is not how I want to view myself. I don't own a hairbrush. I don't shave every day or all that often. I want to be last so I don't have to wait... anyone else having an identity crisis?

I know that no one can tell me what to do here, but I just feel super lost. Has anyone else felt like this while being abroad permanently? What would you pick in my shoes?

Background: I was moved around extensively as a teenager. I have lived in six different states, and four different countries. This started around the age of 14 and extended into my 20’s. I love all of the adventures that I have had, but now I feel completely untethered and I am almost 35. I am not a shy person (or at least didn’t used to be), and I do have friends, but I am still so lonely. 

I work hard at developing friendships, and I go through spurts of being in friend groups that last a few years, and then it dissipates, usually due to people moving. 

Currently: I live in Athens, Greece, with my husband and our puppy. We have an incredible house with a backyard and a pool, in one of the most desirable areas in the country. I absolutely love Athens–the beach, the weather, the food, and many aspects of the culture. It genuinely feels like home. But still.. I feel so lonely. I am not unhappy per se, I like my life, but I feel alone. I text and FT with friends and family, but I really crave conversations with people in person.

I made a group of close friends here, and that lasted two years and was lovely. Then they all moved. Literally, ALL of them. Even the Greek ones! Now I am finding myself daily asking if I should move back to America. I keep concluding that I want to stay, and then something triggers me back into hinking maybe I should move back to America. Note, I previously felt this way living in another country, moved back to America, and regretted it.

My brains arguments for going back: 

• Being able to get a mortgage to finally buy a home. 
• Doing a different job instead of continuing to build our family business.
• Being close to family and old friends
• Being able to go to a good gym again
• Being able to park easily (is that one even real?)
• Cute brick downtowns
• Speaking English again
• Miss my aging father a lot

Arguments against going back: 

• Food quality
• Health care quality and expense
• Expensive housing
• Won't be able to afford a pool or maybe even a backyard
• My family all hates each other, and my in-laws sort of suck. My family hasn't even gathered together in 10 years, and on one speaks to one another.
• Can’t afford the cities I really want to live in
• Don’t have any family or friends in the cities I want to live in
• Family and friends live in expensive places that I will struggle in, and I don't want to live in those places, but would for the people.
• Could move back to home town and afford it, but very high cancer rates, and tons of traumatic memories.
• My family is split between literally all 4 sides of the US, and friends are even worse, even spread across different countries than the US, so I have no idea which place I would even choose.
• I am applying for grad school in the UK this year (part time in person that I could easily commute from Athens to). While I could switch to US applications, I'm already down this path and looking forward to it.
• The US news breaks my heart constantly.

The plan was that I was going to start my own family and build the family/community I wanted. So we got pregnant, and it ended in a still birth. It turns out I have some serious reproductive issues that will make it difficult to carry a pregnancy. The whole thing has just made me feel so…alone.. and like the future I was going to MAKE isn't actually what I thought it would be. I am almost 35, so I have some time to figure this out, but not a lot. Please internet strangers, tell me what to do with my life lol.

Edit: I am in therapy, but expats/immigrants are kind of the only ones who really understand expat life and wondering about others view points.

Did you manage to find somewhere with high standards, or do you still find yourself missing American convenience? That was hard for me to forget about. I lived a year in Greece and I did not like it. I love living by the ocean, driving, going out, and having access to diverse food and modern amenities.

I’m looking into Portugal (specifically luxury coastal hubs around Cascais/Lisbon or the Southern coast). For former US coastal residents used to high-end convenience, central AC, and easy driving— is Portugal a pretty chill place to live? I cannot live somewhere similar to Greece again...I have only been around Portugal for a week and fell in love but visiting is another story than living. I ALREADY LIVE IN EUROPE I AM EU AND US CITZEN. btw...I am 25 and left the US a year ago, first time even living on my own and I'm doing it in another continent. Soo chilllll... life is good. I'm just asking questions...

I have the opportunity to move to Germany for a three year contract as a healthcare provider on one of the army bases. The recruiter said I would have DOCPER, SOFA, FEIE status and would still be able to contribute to my 401(k) along with them matching. I was reading online that with FEIE status I would not be able to contribute to a 401(k) and neither would my employer because it’s not taxable income. I’m wondering how they are able to do this? The recruiter said she had never heard of that before. I told her I read it on the IRS website.

Also, I currently live in Alaska and would like to keep my residency here as well. So I don’t know how that works with my current banks that I do want to keep open and active. Does anyone have suggestions on addresses? I might have a friend that would let me use their address but I feel like that would be a huge ask and from what I’m reading PO Box are not allowed and can get my accounts flagged/closed. I was reading about Commercial Mail Receiving Agency like Anytime Mailbox or iPostal1. Has anyone heard of these or have any experience with these?

Is there anything else I should think about with my mailing address for residency address?

Howdy yins,

I just closed my Chase account for my own reasons and about to make my move to Spain. I’m wondering what easy ways y’all have found to move funds from my US account to my EU account, the credit union I use here in the US charges upwards of $50 every transaction. I could use PayPal or something like that but they also take decent chunks, just wondering if anyone has found a path of lesser resistance.

Thanks!

The longer I stay in Canada the more interactions I have where people are just outright rude when I tell them where I am from. Usually the question comes up in small talk situations. I always try to find something nice to say about someone's country or home when they tell me where they are from. For a country that is so inclusive and protective of foreigners, I feel like people being so openly hateful about the United States in a polite conversation surprises me. I know my country has issues, but what do they expect me to say when they reply to my simple answer "I'm from the states" with how horrible my country is, they would never visit again, and that my husband and I made the right choice to choose Canada, did I vote for trump, etc etc. I usually brush it off because the comments really aren't that bad on their own, but the volume of them and boldness of people is just surprising to me. I had a hairdresser from Lebanon and when she brought up her country I asked her about her family there and what it is like and she said she can't go back because of the war. When she mentioned the weather, I compared it to the state where I am from, and she immediately told me she doesn't like America and feels it is an unsafe country and she would never go to visit. I found it so hypocritical and laughable considering she is from a country literally in an active war zone and she just got done telling me how she is unable to visit her family there. Imagine if I said the same things to her during the appointment? I would probably be refused service. It left me feeling angry especially considering it was supposed to be a professional environment.

I can handle jokes and sometimes make them myself, and I like to answer questions about the US when it is natural in a conversation, but I just find it rude when these comments happen during an introduction. I would never want to make someone feel bad about their nationality and I feel like people here go out of their way to not be offensive to every nationality except Americans.

How do you deal with this if you've experienced it? What can I say in a polite way?

I filmed a 4K walk around Pattaya and wanted to share the atmosphere with the community. What do you think of the area?

I’m moving to Nice, France and attending school in Monaco for a year. Give me all your recommendations!

Hello:) I’m thinking of possibly moving to Valencia, Spain in January 2027. I have a remote job that allows me to work abroad. I know I would need a visa, but is there anything else I should be prepared for? I haven’t looked into it much since I barely started considering it, so any and all advice would be appreciated:)

P.S. I’m thinking about only living there for about 6 months.

This got a lot of hate on r/expats and moddies shut it down too quick for some odd reason.

Time for positivitey!

Anyone else have a way better QOL, income, job market opportunities and just a feeling of pure relief after moving back to the states from Europe? Or any other part of the world? I feel so relieved, its a huge stress off my shoulders that is indescribable.

After coming back from Sweden, I sure am thankful to be able to have had the opportunity to see many parts of the world and live outside the US for a long time to really appreciate a lot and see the truth about many things. Anyone else feel the same?

I dont mourn moving back and am more happy and excited than ever and sometimes talking with extended family in Europe I catch myself down playing my true feelings.

Disclaimer: this is just MY experience and many other immigrants Ive met and know..... sad that to not get bombarded you need to jump on the hate America and "Everything in the US is TERRIBLE" train....

I dont miss American consumerism. What I mean is, there is a difference in buying "junk", and literally having to go to a different city (sometimes a larger city an hr away) to buy jeans or different styles of clothes. stuff like that.

Edit: wow, clearly my lived experiences are very controversial and people hate that these are truths to me and many other immigrants I have met and know. oh well.

Hello! I wanted to ask here because my post got closed down before I could get more answers in the AmerExit subreddit.

I'm from the US and looking to move to Europe. Country of interest is Spain. I wanted to look for a reliable business that could apostille my FBI background check. A few days ago, I got my fingerprint results but I'm unsure of which businesses to use.

Chatting with those businesses online have left me with the impression that it's possibly AI that's being used. I haven't seen any realistic reviews left on Reddit that tells exactly what they're like.

Doing it through the official FBI service takes an extremely long time so my preferred timeframe is at least within the month. I know it takes at least 2 weeks for other services to follow up.

I've been recommended DC Mobile Notary and Monument Visa. If anyone has had experience using them and if it worked outside of the US, any advice is appreciated.

If not these vendors, who can I send my documents to?

Thank you in advance!

Maybe you've seen a previous post of mine on this group or others, maybe you haven't. Either way, here is my story. My story is my experience and in some ways I am very lucky, I know.

This is purely about jobs and economy related. I will have other posts in this and other subreddits detailing other issues I had while I lived there.

A little background; I met my now wife about a decade ago when I lived in the US and she was visiting. Long story short, I moved to her to her home country, Sweden. We are in our 30s. I have no degree and have worked my way up and am in a mid career position and have been for awhile now, making a decent living in the same type of industry and role prior to moving.

I gave up my life in SoCal and moved to Sweden. Gave up my job in search of something new with my wife and to experience Europe and Sweden! exciting!....Exciting it was!!

We lived outside a major city, not a village or small town, compared to Swedish standards it was a decent sized city. From when I landed I hit the ground running trying to get a job locally and was lucky and found a local job in a office role 4 months after moving in 2021 (Rare to get a job this fast, I was lucky!). The job was sort of high stress and was the work of at least 2 people and the pay of 0.5 people. Mind you, I was used to over 100k plus bonuses and other job perks (I was fortunate), So, this annoyed me a bit but I put my head down and dealt with it for years. When in Rome, Right?

During these years of me working it was also hard to save a good amount of money as things are expensive compared to salaries and you see everyone taking loans for vacations just so they can use their vacation time and afford to go somewhere. Most people look well off but most are dead broke or take loans or borrow from family. Very uncommon for Swedes to have liquid cash or cash savings. There is really no real way to gain personal wealth like you can in the US, and its not like I was spending all of my money on dumb stuff. It was just not stretching far. Thankfully we had a dual income household as most families are in Sweden and need to be.

I digress. Well....... 4 years went by and during this time I was applying for other roles within the company and outside the company all over Sweden. I recently counted and I was nearing 1,900 applications during this time period. Yes, 1,900!!

I never received another offer. Over a year ago I was forced out of the company, was never given a reason just told to sign what is called a "Mutual separation agreement" Its fully legal and the union I was in couldn't help me and they said they deal with these agreements all the time. My wife never heard of this and we spent that week researching and calling relatives to see if this is a thing. It was. So, even if you are in a union you are not safe!! Essentially, the company wants you gone for some reason and you need to negotiate your severance package. and if you dont sign it, you can go back to work, but they can make your life hell until you quit or wait for you to slip up and let you go. Mind you I never received a written warning, verbal warning and I even asked my mangers at the yearly review if my job was in jeopardy (paranoid American come review time) they told me "No". Then 3 weeks later im presented with this. This is where the worst and best year of my life started.

The day of my lay off I looked at my wife and said "Thats it, ill never find another job". She said "nah you'll get something, its not like that". In my head I was confused.....I have been trying for YEARS and not one offer...oh yeah, I knew It was all over!.

During this same time my wifes company tells her they are closing down her office. I shit you not! a WEEK later she signs to a new company in the same area for more money. Im happy for her but ive been trying to clean toilets and cant even get that. I think to myself, "AM I BROKEN!?"......

I was laid off for over a year and my E-mail was nothing but rejections for work I was qualified for, over qualified for and under qualified for. Denied by McDonalds and cleaning cervices. I couldn't get a job CLEANING SHIT!. I held out for a year plugging away, pushing on. That messes with you mentally getting thousands of rejections. I was mentally destroyed! One day I told my wife, I need to go back to the US to keep myself relevant and need to go where the work is. I had 0 plan! All I knew was in the US I have created the life I wanted before and I have ambition so ill do it again, I NEEDED to!!!!

A few days before I got on the plane I changed my LinkedIn location to where I would be staying. Instantly, my phone was ringing and I was getting interviews directly. I signed an offer a week after landing and have since been working! I was mentally destroyed!!! "For 5 years not one reach out on LinkedIn and barley any interviews and now I have a job making base 3x what I did in Sweden and companies want me and IM VALUED!?" I was a mess...I was happy and excited but couldn't help but feel like "WOW, I wasted a year...maybe more...". I still cant wrap my head around all of the Swedes and Immigrants I know and have met that have been out of work for 1 yr and some 3 years and the jobs pay peanuts for the work they do and the job trajectory is so limited and small its depressing. Yet I'm back in the US for a WEEK and get a job and the future here work wise is INSANE, SO MUCH OPPORTUNITY.

It was an experience is all. I learned a lot and now my wife is in process to get her Green Card and both of us are excited and ready for a real chance at a future!

To whoever needs to hear this. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!!! If you relate to any of this, I commiserate with you! Stay Strong!!! there is hope!

och JA! jag pratar Svenska!!

Hi - I’m an American living abroad in Spain with my family (husband, dog, kids) and it looks like we will have to come back to the US soon and a bit abruptly . After three years, the kids are finally very happy and settled and we’ve built up a life that I can honestly say I love the rhythm of. I’m back in the US now and I find myself cranky as all the things that I like better in western Europe (lack of car dependence , healthcare and even the cost of beer at public events) are making me grouchy and probably very annoying to be around. I’m having a hard time seeing all the good things here as I’m admittedly a funk about it and I’m a bit terrified of coming back home (not just because of the tangible things, but also because I’m afraid of a rough transition or depression that will make it hard for me to stay positive for the family). It’s like opening Pandora’s box. In Spain I can never fully belong . At home in the US I’m a pretentious a-hole who goes on about the lack of light rail and abundance of guns. I fully believe now that ignorance is bliss!! I’m glad we went but life was easier before!

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced these stages. Going home isn’t by choice so I have to find a way to make the most of it and then help my kids do the same. And we will likely move to a new place so we don’t feel totally like we just fell back into place and started time after a stop. At the same time it means more starting over.

I’m worried about the kids primarily. The feeling of both losing friends during pivotal middle school ages - and the freedom and independence they have now sucks. For me I’m worried about constantly having this feeling of longing for something I can’t have and feeling boxed in knowing we will likely go back to car dependent lives. Plus Something about not seeing people everywhere on the street living their lives drains me a bit. I like the energy that even many small European cities and villages have— that of life taking place out in the open. Plus making friends — again.

Families who have don’t this before, talk me through the emotions you felt and how things went upon your return. Did you accept your home country for what it is and enjoy it again? Did you return to your old life or start new? Did the kids get over the feeling of betrayal and being yanked around (they didn’t want to move there and now they don’t want to come back). What if anything do you wish you’d done differently?

I don’t know what I’m looking for. But anything you feel called upon to share I will read! Thank you. I know these are first world problems and I shouldn’t complain because most people never get this chance. But when I think of the kids especially— it definitely hurts.

I've been living abroad for a few years, earning and spending in the local currency, with a couple of US cards I kept for the credit history. Every month the statement shows up in dollars and every month I do the same useless thing: glance at the total, multiply by whatever rate is in my head, decide it's roughly fine, move on.

It bothered me enough that I started building something to fix it for myself, and now I've got far enough that I want a sanity check from people actually living this before I put more time into it.

The thing I keep running into is that my financial life has two currencies in it and nothing I use speaks both. My budget is in local currency because that's what I earn and what things cost. My card statement is in dollars. There's no view anywhere that shows me a month of spending in the currency I actually think in, and the bank's csv export doesn't even include the original local amount/rate, so I couldn't build it reliably in a spreadsheet either.

So what I've been building takes the statement pdf, pulls out every transaction with both amounts, and converts each one at the rate that actually applied on the day of that purchase rather than one rate for the whole month. What comes out is a month of spending in the currency you live in, per purchase, with the real rate on each line.

Running my own year through it turned up a couple of things I didn't expect. The conversion on my "no foreign transaction fee" card was costing about half a percent on average, which sounds like nothing until you notice it comes off your cashback: a "2%" card is really paying about 1.5% where I live. And it wasn't even consistent between cards - two of mine are from the same bank, same currency, same year, and they came out 0.44% and 0.58%.

What I'd like to know from people here, honestly:

Is this a problem you actually have, or have you solved it some other way I haven't thought of? I keep assuming everyone else has a system and I'm the only one eyeballing it.

If you do track it, what do you use? I've tried the budgeting apps and they either only handle USD, or want a subscription to get it approximately right.

And is the per-purchase rate detail interesting, or is it over-engineering? I built it because I wanted it, which is exactly how people build things nobody else needs.

Not linking anything, this isn't a pitch. I'm after whether the problem is real for other people or just for me.

People who are born in developed countries are honestly lucky. They have access to so many opportunities that people like us can only dream about. They grow up with better facilities, more security, better education, stronger job markets, and a much better chance of building a good future.

They probably never understand what it feels like to struggle with migration and all the barriers that come with it. We have to worry about things like IELTS, SAT, academic scores, visa requirements, and so many other things just to get the chance to study in a country like the USA. Meanwhile, they can grow up there, go to college, get part-time jobs, earn their own money, join extracurricular activities, and have access to opportunities from a young age.

They may never understand what it's like to live in a low-income country where unemployment, inflation, and a lack of opportunities are everyday problems.

They can do so many things that we can only dream about.

Sometimes I honestly wish that, if I ever got another life, I would be born in the USA instead of being born in this country.

I moved from the US to Portugal last year and somehow thought I’d be able to bring most of my stuff with me. Yeah… not happening 😂

After a couple of trips with way too much luggage, we still had a bunch of boxes sitting around that needed to get to Portugal. Ended up sending some of them through Meest.

Has anyone here used Meest for this kind of thing? I’m trying to figure out if I got lucky or if they’re actually decent. Everything arrived fine for me, but I’d rather hear from a few other people before I use them again.

How was it for you guys? Any horror stories or was it pretty painless?

Appreciate any real-life feedback 🙏