What should I do now?
I've been trying for a PhD in social science for the last two years as an international student. I've attended too many interviews and cracked two top-tier universities, but received no funding. I feel like I can't bear the burden of applying again. I was rejected by some very prestigious institutions after the interview, mostly after the interviewer asked me how I would manage funding. I also passed some universities' first screening phases but wasn't called for an interview.
In the UK, cracking a top-tier university even without funding is tough. Mid-tier universities won't accept you unless you have self-funded options. Even at lower-ranked universities, supervisors barely reply.
I've tried reaching out to professors in Australia and New Zealand, but they require a very good profile and a high CGPA, which I don't have. For European universities, I've given my best, reached out to professors, and applied for projects. I barely get a response from them. Once, I was shortlisted for an interview at a very reputable European university, but they never called me because they found their first interview applicant was a perfect fit for their PhD. It feels like European universities have a limited number of students and they pick from their bachelor's or master's students. They mostly prefer home students and are very calculating about international students.
I'm applying with minimum requirements; a profile like mine wouldn't dare to dream of a PhD. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I've decided to move into academia and pursue a PhD. It seems impossible to land a funded PhD. I know people who completed their master's from Oxbridge with very good profiles, and they failed to secure funding. And here I am, with lower-mid-tier results, dreaming of a funded PhD, ha ha ha. Though I did crack one royal institution for my PhD, where most of the students are from Oxbridge. It's a very prestigious program.
In one of my funded interviews from a QS top 10 university, I did really well, but after five months, they officially said that this year there were so many qualified candidates and massive competition. That actually broke me. This interview was the best interview of my entire life. I literally stopped applying after this interview.
I know I'm a really good student, but back in my bachelor's days, I was careless about my studies. Now I'm suffering for that. I don't know what to do. If I don't do a PhD this year, I'm not doing it again. I'm tired. I gave my everything for a funded PhD and am returning with nothing. In the last 20-22 months, I did one part-time job, worked on one book chapter, prepared one article for submission, and made two proposals for my PhD. I've invested too much in this PhD; I can't turn back. A self-funded PhD isn't an option for me; I can't afford it. But I desperately want to stay in academia and prove myself.
I don't know what to do. I've lost all hope. For the last two or three months, I've done nothing out of frustration, and I can't get over it.
Even when I try to apply for a job, I can't apply properly because I can't stop thinking about a PhD.
Now I'm applying for jobs, and recruiters say my visa will expire within a few months. I don't know what to do. Sharing just my grave frustration, I feel like by opting for a PhD, I lost everything.