The Monster in plain sight (deeply personal and only my 4th ever piece but I feel the need to share my story)
Frozen by fear, tears streaming down my face
Staring up at the man before me
As he held a gun to my four year old head
Why daddy? Don't you love me?
You were supposed to protect me
Instead I was forced to stand for hours
In a dark silent corner
My tiny feet so swollen and raw they could no longer hold my weight
The pain seated my tiny body and I couldn't help the need to fall down
Exhaustion overtook my tiny body as I tensed knowing what was coming
Id curl in a ball as I wait for the blows to land
The cruel fists punching my side
The hard rough smack of a calloused hand against bare skin
And the strikes of a leather belt leaving blood and welts in their wake
This house was my prison not a home
My bedroom door locked from the outside
Days turned into weeks
I wasn't allowed to eat I was bad
I didn't deserve it
It's so dark as tears flow down my face my only way of life
Surviving on the small scraps my mom could sneak
Hoping she didn't get caught so she didn't have to feel his wrath
I was only six when my world finally crashed
In the mountains behind my grandmother's house
I watched everything I loved burn to ash
Because my tiny hands couldn't clean to his satisfaction
Princess I'm sorry that you also had to face the cruelty and I'm sorry it was me who pulled the trigger.
I swear I never wanted to but he held me in his arms with that gun and forced my tiny fingers to pull that trigger
My poor white kitten gone way before she had a chance to live
is it said I wished it was me?
I always prayed for someone to take me away from my father.
The man supposed to love and protect me
A monster of his own making
No one answered my prayer
Not even God and I blamed him
My pleas and screams were met with silence
The neighbors knew but they didn't dare say a word
The burden of trauma, violence, and neglect to much for such a tiny soul to bear.
I should have been watching TV
Playing with toys
Dreaming about the future
Instead I was searching for a way to stop the pain
I wanted to sleep and never wake
Broken glass I was eight years old as I tried so desperately
I pushed and scraped at my skin
Hoping to let myself bleed and never have to live another day in this hell.
because that's what it was
Hell
The world left me in the hands of a monster who never once showed a tender touch.
It is a truly depressing reality.
I have the scars to prove it
I was an innocent soul who knew nothing about what I did wrong
Almost murdered by the man who should have died to protect and love me.
I barely survived
But I did survive
I'm giving that little girl the voice she was always denied
We survived the monster in plain sight
Taylor Rice