u/Responsible_Hall9663

I sit here journaling about how much I want a divorce, and my last entry was from August 2025 when I was 5 months postpartum wanting a divorce. Here I am, more than a year later. still feeling the same. I think I probably want a divorce 50-75% of the time, though not 100%.

The single biggest factor holding me back from seriously pursuing divorce is less time with my child. I'm a SAHM, though I intend to start working again next month. But, I am by far and away my child's primary care taker. I really do not see this changing when I start working. He is my best little buddy, even though I'm exhausted, but I don't know how to grapple with sharing custody of him. How did you come to terms with this mentally?

Extra because I need a bit of a rant: My husband isn't a bad dad, he's just neglectful to me and if he doesn't have to do something for our son, he won't. I don't see any court giving me full custody. I don't know if I want it, because part of the reason I want a divorce is just mom and maid burnout. I don't even know the last time I slept in. Today I asked my husband to help me clean the kitchen, but he stayed in his room playing video games from 9a-4:30pm. I went up at 11:30am and asked when he was going to start cleaning the kitchen so I could continue cooking meals for the day. He said his friends were online and "please just give me this, I just need this day." But he left for an entire week in August for a bachelor party, then another week in September for the wedding. We live in Hawaii away from my family and I just had to solo parent it alone. When he got back I didn't get a day away. But he needs more relaxation time. I am so envious and resentful of him, how much he sleeps, he gets to work and converse with adults, he barely does any chores, he doesn't worry about packing the house for our upcoming move. I have been saying for weeks what a hard time I'm having with our son as he becomes more of a toddler, as we prepare to move, and I'm in grad school. My "free time" from our son is chores, homework, packing. As he spent his day gaming away above us, I spent another day parenting alone, cleaning from a play date, cleaning the kitchen he never did, deep cleaning rugs, and dragging my son around for an errand. I never stop working, and I don't even have a fcking job.

Did you tell your husband you were wanting a divorce before you had any final decision made or paperwork?

My husband is military, so I'd have to wait to pursue more about the divorce until we move to his next duty station in a couple months. I've felt like I've wanted a divorce in big and small waves pretty much since I got pregnant for the first time a little over two years ago. It comes and goes, but really I feel like I want to leave him more often than not. He left for 8 days to go to a bachelor party with a friend and it was the EASIEST week of parenting in my life!! I feel like he makes everything harder and worse.

So, did you tell your husband you wanted a divorce before serving paperwork? Or should I just keep this to myself and tell him when/if I have papers ready, etc.?