Conrgrats to Dan of Arlington
I had the pleasure, nay the honor of having a room right next to Dan at the Hilton Arlington last night. What had started as an low key evening for myself and an early turn in to bed, was severely curtailed around 10PM last night with the arrival of Dan and an apparent harem of women, which I think were mostly from Brazil.
I was staying next to Dan's room with a flimsy connecting door (securely locked from my side) between us. The door however was not sound-proof nor air tight. I know this because what emanated from behind and underneath it was a cacophony of sounds and smells I will soon not forget. Dan sounded like he was from Sweetwater, TX trying to converse with a room full of women who spoke Portuguese and one who spoke broken English. This matters because the communication between everyone raised several octaves as if the shouting helped quell the accents and poor pronunciation from Dan and his English translating counterpart as they directed body parts and moans toward one another.
The music started right away with never ending tracks of Hernan Cattaneo wafting through the door and walls. Conversation and laughter rose and fell, bumps against the wall thumped every once in a while and then a hush. I thought to myself, it's over, I can sleep!!!
I was not so lucky, apparently there was an intermission for everyone to get in their places. Moans started, gasps for air rose and fell. The slow and then fast and then slow slap of skin on skin made it's distinct way through and under the door. Then, it became a multi-sensory experience. Apparently my room had a negative pressure differential compared to Dan's. What resulted was the most visceral combination of Imposters Body Spray and Bath and Body strawberry hill bombing my room from under the door. It was truly unbearable.
At around 2AM, it sounded like everyone was began challenging once another to more and more rigorous sex acts as the molly took full hold and everyone began rolling. Apparently the English speaking gal sweats profusely when on molly and it subsequently makes her SUPER horny. She told Dan to "stop sitting there with his dick in has hand and start fucking her!" Dan replied, "Come on, make me cum, make me cum now! Stop playing with it and get on it!" (I was envious, I would have lacked the sexual vocal courage to be so demanding if found in the same situation.) Moans rose and fell and Dan started laughing profusely, while the moaning persisted which was curious when only trying to imagine what was going on by the sounds only.
The sex continued through my alarm at 6AM this morning while I got ready, packing up to go to work and checking out. If I knew Dan in person, I'm sure I wouldn't have believed his story. This is something that only happens in the movies or on Reddit. As I packed my suitcase all bleary eyed, I wanted to simultaneously congratulate Dan and punch him out. I opted to turn on my TV and tune into Southpark as loud as it would go. Then I left the room at 6:30 and checked out.
So Dan of the Hilton Arlington, fuck you very much, I hope you were able to hear Cartman tell you, "screw you guys, I'm going home!"