Triggering family chat: advice?
I was on the phone with my mom last night and she mentioned that my dad’s Dr might be starting him on a GLP-1 soon because he’s diabetic and his A1C has gone up.
I think this is great news and hope he can get it covered by insurance. I’ve been on self-funded tirzepatide about 6 weeks so far and I feel great. It’s been confirmed with genetic testing that metabolic problems relating to satiety and energy levels are very much in our DNA, and while I’m currently healthy according to medical tests, I’m trying to treat the metabolic issue preemptively, in my 30s, before it starts affecting my health. Weight loss is happening, but it feels more like a visible side effect of a functioning metabolic system than the goal itself.
And when I’ve been talking to my mom about this, I thought she understood that perspective. I’ve explained to her that on the meds, my brain knows when I’ve eaten enough, and something like snacking on a piece of fruit will actually satisfy me. I feel energized after eating instead of sluggish. I can eat the nutritious whole foods I’ve always enjoyed along with daily treats and don’t feel overcome with constant sugar cravings or hunger. I wake up at 7 full of energy. This is all new to me, and has shown very clearly that the way my body functions without tirzepatide is so obviously outside of my control.
But as soon as we talked about my dad taking it (even with the knowledge that a rare metabolic disorder runs on his side of the family) my mom went on and on about how he’s capable of eating huge amounts, listing in detail a recent breakfast out as an example. She brought up things he ate when they first met that shocked her. (Nothing resembling my own eating habits, but that’s beside the point).
What really got me was when she mentioned that my dad couldn’t believe how big he used to be pre diabetes diagnosis, and proceeded to list MY CURRENT ACTUAL WEIGHT RANGE as this unbelievably huge and unhealthy size to gawk at. Like “it was amazing he could walk around at all”? (I’ve jogged 5ks at this weight and I’m 3 inches shorter than him. Wtf.)
Which 1) tells me my mom somehow has no idea how much I weigh and 2) thinks our genetic disorder is pretty much just a tendency toward gluttony?? Or something like that? She talked about it with this combination of amazement and disgust that I found incredibly triggering. I didn’t say anything to her about it, but felt so, so uncomfortable. She’s been talking about my dad’s dietary habits like this since I was a kid, but ffs we know now that it is not breakfast’s fault 🙃
I guess it just reminded me I still have a lot to work on when it comes to shame around my body/diet/lifestyle. For years I’ve been so preoccupied with being a healthy fat person, prioritizing whole foods and regular activity. I learned about HAES a decade ago and thought if I’m destined to be this size, I might as well eat legumes and lift heavy weights and do some cardio while fat. Clearly GLP-1s have changed my situation by treating the underlying dysfunction, but I hate that I’m suddenly feeling embarrassed about my size after working so hard to accept it. If anything, the fact that I’m the same size my dad used to be *even with a deliberately healthful diet and lifestyle* shows how genetically predetermined our body type is.
Does anyone have experience or advice about this weird, messy headspace I find myself in? Allegedly neutral about my body size, AND happy to be on the GLP-1, AND completely freaked out by the way people see me and my current weight?
It’s almost like it was easier to accept my fatness when I thought I was permanent. Now that my body seems to be changing, a lifetime’s worth of baggage is catching up to me.