Dating in the furry community as a straight male
Hey.
A few words about me.
So, I have turned 30 a little while ago and damn, time flies. I don't feel like and old guy, at all so please don't just reply to me instantly that I am old and that I should leave the community or whatever... (trust me, I heard this many times before lmao, so I am just making sure). People use to fool around and keep telling me how old I am and that I am supposed to have a family already and a big villa and wife and a dog and paying off huge debt etc. I have been part of the furry community on/off for over 15 years so far and I have dated several people in the past from the community also. This community was always a huge part of my life but not in the cringe way. I did stand my ground since I have joined that I will not become one of the people that are just randomly howling at cons or meetups etc. I just refuse to plaster my hobby all over my backpack and keep shoving it into everyone's faces on every platform and social media... I hope you get me.
Sadly, my last relationship was a huge pain on both sides and it ended up so bad I just vanished from the community completely because I refuse to run into the same person every single day. I had to leave several discord servers (there is a terrible hierarchy and admins are mostly power tripping on everyone) and I barely use telegram anymore, I do only text one or two friends I have there because there is basically the same issue in groups as on discord.
First of all, take everything with a grain of salt...
I have attended many conventions and little meetups in my city but lately I feel a left out and it's really hard to find connections with people from the community again.
The main aspect I wanted to talk about is dating overall and how difficult it actually is for someone who is genuinely straight male in the community.
I have tried many dating apps. Those which are for Furries exlusively or just genuine dating apps (like those ones everyone knows very well.. can't really name them all but trust me, I have tried 5 or 6 major ones).
Yes, I know dating apps are basically a scam on lonely people like myself, trying to find genuine relationships in this world. But, how am I supposed to start talking to someone again? I know that this is a wild question to ask on Reddit, but man, I really feel like I am always bothering someone.
Everyone is so important. I can't reach out to artists because that's rude. I can't randomly reach out to people I don't know on discord, because that's weird. I can't really start chatting with people online because we don't share "mutuals" (a girl from a dating app literally refused to talk to me because we don't have mutuals or whatever, I really don't know what that is and I only wanted to chat or play Stardew Valley together).
For me personally, I would love to start dating a cis girl from the furry community again. This whole thing is a really big part of my life and I just don't really wanna date someone who will only "tolerate" my hobby or "respect it" or whatever. I wanna share it. Spend quality time together and go to conventions, meetups, be creative and do stuff together like drawing or crafting fursuit parts etc. I just really enjoy that in two people because it's fun thing to do and I feel like I am seen and heard by my partner and that we share this core hobby together. It means a lot.
The thing is, that local conventions are not really packed with girls (this whole community is not really balanced when it comes to genders and I know that for a long time), but I see content online from time to time where genuine fursuit m+f couples exist and to be honest, I am extremely jealous of those people because they are living something I thrive for for years now... I don't actually think it's that rare but every time I had a little chance to get to know someone from the community after many many months, it just vanished into thin air for no reason.
I ran into one problem. Most girls are taken (and they proudly show it everywhere, which I understand). There are so few of them that it's like playing Minecraft on hardcore difficulty with 0.5 heart left.
Dating nowadays is bad. I have also went to speed dating in person. Many people and many friends and ex partners always told me that I am not an ugly person. I have struggled with seeing myself handsome and I have always stayed humble. I have started going to the gym, gained muscles etc. I take care of myself more than bare minimum. I don't do drugs, I don't do sketchy stuff... Basically a normal guy with this kind of a hobby.
Dating outside of the furry community also didn't work. I have tried it also. Getting to know someone in person also doesn't work. Girls always tell me that they are in a relationship already and that they are flattered. Online basically the same thing. I don't even care if "my" person is outside of my country. I don't mind travelling over 500 miles away if I will spend time with love of my life and some day we will move in together.
Why are people making this whole thing so hard? You cannot really send a direct message, because that's creepy. You need to have mutuals, you need to do this and that... Like there seem to be thousands of checkboxes I need to have checked before I am even allowed to get to know someone. It's unreal to check all of those checkboxes. Do artists only date another artists? Do fursuiters date only other fursuiters? How do you even get to know someone? Exclusively on conventions? Or are you forcing yourself into someone dm's? Are you playing the "long game" while one girl that is still in a relationship with someone that you are her good friend until their relationship has some sudden problems so you are the shoulder to cry on?
I need to clarify that, I am fine by living alone. I don't really care that much. Lately this idea of dating someone from the community just crossed my mind and whenever I wanted to join or be part of it again, it felt much different than years ago. People are different on many levels. If you attend any meetups, there are the typical friend groups hanging out with different friend groups they know from online chatrooms but if you wanna join in, you feel like someone who doesn't belong AT ALL because you don't know anything about anyone and everything feels like a big internal joke you won't understand because you are not part of the friend group. And that same thing applies to online social media.
I genuinely don't know, but if there is anyone who can genuinely share an idea how could I approach this, let me know in the replies. I will appreciate it a lot.
Thanks for reading my rant and have a nice day / night everyone.