u/Rick0wens

I have been struggling with a serious gambling addiction for the past seven or eight months, and during that time, I have lost more than half a year’s salary. I have put myself in a terrible financial position with personal and payday loans and getting behind on bills. I’m broke.

I have been hiding this from my girlfriend, who I live with. I am committed to stopping gambling. I stopped this week, and I am committed to seeking treatment and self-exclusion, but I don’t know how to tell her.

I know it will crush her and will likely end our relationship. It is difficult because things between us feel good right now, and she seems happy, but it is built on a lie that I cannot hide anymore. I am struggling to have the conversation. Given the financial reality, I know I have to tell her today or at least this week, but I cannot seem to find the right way or time.

Tonight's the night I'm finally going to come clean to loved ones, family, and friends. I'm dreading it but I know it's the right thing to do. I work a corporate 9-5 to inpatient rehab isn't an option but I'm interested in outpatient programs but I don't really know what that entails. Anyone have experience with outpatient treatment programs? Preferably options that aren't expensive. I plan on attending gamblers anonymous meetings and things like that but was unsure what else is out there. Appreciate any insights.

I think I’ve finally reached rock bottom. At least, I hope I have.

Over the past six months or so, I’ve lost around $40,000 to online sports gambling. In total, I’ve probably lost $50,000 to $60,000 over the course of my life through various forms of gambling. I know I can’t handle it, especially because I’ve struggled with addiction issues throughout my life.

Just yesterday, I received my mid-month paycheck, and I lost all of it last night trying to win back previous losses. I’ve taken out personal loans and payday loans, borrowed money from friends and family through IOUs, used cash advance apps, and more. I’ve lost it all and destroyed my credit in the process.

What makes this hardest is that I know I’ve reached the point where I can’t hide this from my girlfriend anymore. I’ve been lying to her for so long, and I’ve been selfish. We’re supposed to go to a black-tie wedding next weekend for my friends, but I think I need to tell her this weekend and cancel the trip. I lost the money I was going to use to rent a tux.

I have to tell her the truth this weekend. I have to break her heart and be honest with her. The thought of having that conversation is destroying me inside. She knows I’ve struggled with gambling and addiction in the past, but I’ve been lying to her and telling her I’m clean. We live together, which makes everything even more uncomfortable and complicated.

Things between us have been really good lately and I think she has been really happy, so thinking about telling her all of this makes me want to cry. I know what I need to do to get past this, but I can't stomach the thought of doing it.