u/RileyReedlin

Again, I'll try to keep this as short as possible 😅 I’ve noticed a pattern in myself when it comes to online talking stages. Most of these conversations are with guys I meet online, and quite a few would realistically be long-distance for a while if they went further, so texting carries more weight early on.

In real life, I’m actually pretty comfortable with slower connection building. At work, for example, I’ve naturally become close with people over time just through day-to-day interaction and things developing without overthinking it. I’m also not someone who’s constantly online or texting all day (I’ve even been called a "ghost," "stranger," and "Ms. Absent").

But online is different for me. I start overthinking effort balance quickly - who's asking questions, who’s carrying the conversation, whether interest feels mutual - and once that kicks in, I hold myself back from texting first or showing interest because I don’t want to end up in that "chasing bare minimum" dynamic again - I've had enough experiences where it felt one-sided and made me pull back.

It creates this contradiction where I want to be open and interested, but I also start rationing it to protect myself from getting ahead in something that might not be mutual.

So, I guess my question is: "How do you stay open and engaged in early online stages without defaulting to self-protection when things feel slightly unbalanced?"

This probably would've been a better title now that i think about it 🤔"How do I stop assuming disinterest when I’m not getting the same level of curiosity back, without burning out or shutting down?"

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. For these past sixteen months (22F), I’ve chatted with over 200 guys online. As an introvert, it’s been pretty draining and led to cycles of burnout where I disappear for weeks/months to recover. I like deep conversations, but I notice I switch off when I feel like I’m the one carrying the interaction - asking most of the questions, keeping things going, and being the main source of curiosity. When that starts to feel one-sided, I pull back quietly and eventually just stop replying.

On the other side, even when I like someone, I’ll start overthinking effort balance and whether I’m the one pushing the conversation forward. Once that kicks in, my replies get shorter and I slowly disengage without really meaning to. I think after enough experiences with ghosting, inconsistency, or low-effort conversations, I’ve started developing a strong “pattern recognition” mindset where I expect it to repeat.

Now I’m stuck between wanting connection and partnership, but also feeling tired before things even properly start.

TL;DR: I either over-invest in conversations or pull away when I feel like I’m carrying them, and I’m trying to stop assuming imbalance = disinterest without burning out or shutting down early.