r/WhatMenDontSay

Before young men could actually have access to sex tapes or widespread naked pictures of women did they actually have that much lust as today ? I guess that in the past, men only used to witness sex or women being revealing when they were married which therefore made them non lustful before marriage and more focused on the curiosity side of things, it also made them wait way longer for sex (them being 30-40 etc.) since they didn’t know how good that could be or how attractive women looked like naked, but I might be wrong. So young guys weren’t horny which allowed them to build themselves until their 30s to be able to provide for their family withoit constantly thinikng about sex along the way since they cannot think of something they don’t know about.

Now something that was for most men in history one of the best rewards is available for any man on the internet so this probably has negative effects for young men. But the question is: does porn satisfy an already existing drive present in young men or does it fuel and create it ? Btw I am talking purely about young men, not what older guys do, this is my point, guys aren’t supposed to be horny at 18.

Being ugly has ruined my dating life so badly. A woman literally told me I look discombobulated. I can’t even approach a woman without them being disgusted by my appearance. It really sucks how badly my genetics ruined my dating life.

I was at a large grocery store the other day and went to use the store's bathroom. The doors to the men's and women's rooms were side by side. On the door to the women's room was a police-sponsored poster about consent and sexual assault. It ended by saying "Your body, your choice." There was nothing on the door to the men's room.

Nobody ever says it explicitly, but the message is ubiquitous and unequivocal: If you're a man, you don't matter. Sexual assault is, on the face of it, a gender neutral crime, but even the police are (implicitly) saying they are only concerned when it happens to women. It doesn't matter how many boys are abused, how many men are sexually assaulted by gay men, and yes, how many men are sexually assaulted by women.

This is only one small example, but men and boys see this sort of thing everywhere. But sure, lets all pretend to wonder why men and boys are struggling so much.

I am a 19 year old guy that never had sex so I was wondering if once you have sex you start wanting sex more or no.

I saw a speed dating show where a man rejected an overweight transgender woman and all the other women collectively reject that man. Most of the comments approve of that. I think had it been a woman rejected a man for whatever reason, everybody would have no problem with it.

I'm a 37 year old virgin and I cannot, no matter what I do, attract a woman. I don't fucking understand how this is supposed to work. What do I do? Where do I go? Nothing ever works for me, they just aren't interested. I bathe and don't smell, I'm not morbidly obese, I have a full time job and function like an adult. I'm not super weird or mean and I don't harass anyone. I try to be friendly and courteous and get to know people. I have no initial expectations.... it just doesn't happen and I don't know what to do about it. I'm getting too old and I don't want to wait any longer, but I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I am so dreadfully sick and tired of being me at the moment that I'd rather just blow my fucking brains out.

Hey guys. I aspire to be a good guy. Treat others with respect, including myself. But I let myself down big time with pride because of my looks, body size, athletic ability. I've never thought anything great about myself (pretty insecure if I'm being honest), but because I've always seemed to attract a lot of attention since I was young, from both attractive women and dudes (Yeah, that's right. Even though I'm 100% straight), it has affected my ego. Because of my own insecurities from childhood stuff (my Dad bailed when I was 5 and I had to become the man of the house), I fell into PMO from 6yo to cope after being introduced to it by a cousin. All secret. I've had enough after all these years and looking for a mentor - an older guy whose recovered (or recovering) from it, whose into sports like me. Just a genuine guy I could talk to when struggling. Are there any out there who could help me? Appreciate your time.

I will get a ton of hate comments for that but genuinely asking, since I am not aiming to ever have a wife or a family I think that there is a trap in having sex in my specific case and I know a lot of guys here preach the lifestyle of hooking up forever and not settling down but there is an issue for guys like us.

We can agree that women in their 20s are the most attractive and that they are the ones you want to bang forever if you don’t settle down ?You could go on until what ? MILFs also are attractive but you rarely are going to get women in their 40s wanting to have ONS so the pool still goes down. You could say that if you take care of yourself age doesn’t become an issue but there is a limit, most 20 year old women dont want to sleep with a 65 year old guy except if money is involved, there might be some that like that but the pool gets smaller, it means that you would have to spend your last days paying for escorts to have sex which would give you an ego decrease and be quite a predatory thing to do, so genuinely speaking, what are you guys planning ? As for me I think that never having sex is the answer here if you do not desire ever having an LTR, prove me wrong.

Genuinely speaking tho, this is something I am scared about as a guy that does not ever want to get into an LTR

I am a fairly attractive guy, the sexual revolution gives me the opportunity that my looks now matter and that the only thing that matters (even tho I have money) is not just convincing her dad that you have more money than the other guy so you can marry his daughter as it was the case in the “glorious past”.

A lot of men want to romanticize the past where ugly guys could just make more money than the other guy and marry a smoking hot woman since now this same woman has agency and does not depend on her father liking the guy to sleep with him, sure, she could still marry the ugly guy for the money but rules have changed and it’s harder for them, it also gives a shot to young guys for mating, I as a 19 year old can have sex with a woman my age without having to wait 20 years to be able to compete with other 40 year olds that can crack jokes with her dad. I do wonder if looks actually did matter in the past lol.

So the sexual revolution made looks matter for men, so for handsome guys it’s amazing, in the past attractive guys were just subject to jealousy by other men while having no female attention because women had no agency.

Apparently, bars and clubs are some the best places to get easy hookups, however technically speaking how do people even legally do it ? Because if you are at one of those places you obviously are going to drink except if you are weird and do not like alcohol like me, and fucking someone while they are drunk is illegal, so what do you guys do ? Do you just get their number and then get on dates with them ? But in that case it wouldn’t be a one night hookup.

I am 19 (Canada so I can legally drink) and I have been to a few of these places, however my problem is first of all the legality and fun of the whole thing and second, the fact that I dont drink kinda makes me uncomfortable to approach women like that, so what should I do ? Keep in mind that I am quite attractive even tho it might not mean much, should I just start drinking to feel the vibe ?

A lot of men don't reach out when they're struggling because they've been taught to keep it together, swallow it down, and handle their problems themselves.

I've spent years not being able to open up about what's going on inside my head. Years of keeping things bottled up, putting on a face, going to work, taking care of everyone else, and pretending I was okay when I wasn't.

Then I finally started trying to open up. I finally started saying out loud that I'm struggling, that I'm depressed, that I'm not okay. And honestly, that wasn't easy for me. It took a lot to let somebody see that side of me.

So when I finally do open up and that vulnerability gets misunderstood—or gets thrown back in my face during the next argument—it makes me question why I ever opened up in the first place.

I'm not looking for sympathy or for someone to fix everything. I just want to be able to say “I'm not okay” without having it turned into ammunition later.

Because that's how men end up shutting down again.

The next time we're hurting, we don't say anything. We go quiet. We say we're tired. We bury it deeper. We convince ourselves that keeping everything inside is safer than letting someone see how bad things really are.

From the outside, it can look like we don't want help.

Sometimes the truth is that we wanted help. We finally reached out after years of silence, and when it didn't feel safe, we learned to keep it inside again.

I've spent years unable to open up about any of this. And now that I've finally started trying, having it come back at me during a fight hurts in a way that's hard to explain.

Men aren't weak because they're struggling. They're not weak because they finally admit they need somebody.

Sometimes the strongest thing a man can do is finally say, “I'm not okay.”

What we need is to know that when we finally say those words, they won't be used against us the next time we're vulnerable.

I know three relationships here the woman makes more. Women are getting more successful, I think that it is unrealistic to only pair up with a man who makes more money than you.

My boyfriend and I were talking about attraction and erections, and he said that getting hard is basically an instinctive physical reaction for men.
He told me that he’s never gotten hard around another woman because he “wouldn’t let it happen,” but that if it did happen, he would naturally get an erection. He also said that if he were simply having a normal conversation with another woman, he could potentially get aroused even if he didn’t actually want anything to happen with her.
His point was that men can get erections without necessarily being attracted to or wanting someone sexually, because it can just be a physical response.
I understand that erections can happen involuntarily, but the idea that a completely normal conversation with a woman could make him physically aroused confused me.
For men, how normal is this, and how much does an erection actually say about whether you’re genuinely attracted to someone?

Hello everyone. I am someone who only recently started having sex the past month or so, however I have run into a weird issue that I did not expect to have where I am not able to climax when I’m doing penetration. When we do other stuff (hand stuff, oral etc) I have no issues climaxing however when I am penetrating I just keep going and can’t cum (or if I do it’s a small amount not a full load that I would get from other stimulation)

At first I thought it was mental/nerves which starting out it certainly played a part (I would lose my Bonner a lot and the nerves when I couldn’t figure out the hole right away made it worse) but now I have no issue maintaining a boner and finding the hole I just am not feeling enough sensation to actually cum when I have sex and I am struggling to understand why.

I have read that condom could be the reason why but I really would prefer wearing a condom rather then rely on birth control, and I never had sex without a condum so I have nothing to compare it too other then a blow job or a hand. I can see that this could be a big reason why I might not be getting enough sensation to cum but I feel like it should be common to be able to cum while wearing a condom

I am able to get my girlfriend off however for whatever reason it just isn’t working to make me cum. I’ve tried a few different positions and doin role play kinda stuff it just hasn’t done anything to help me when I’m actually inside her. I enjoy having a sexual experience but I just am hoping to be able to actually climax while penetrating rather then needing her to finish me off a different way or having to jerk off myself to climax.

Appreciate any advice. This is a very awkward thing to talk about and I genuinely feel pretty uncomfortable asking any of my friends (or family) how they deal with this

Me (25M) has been exclusively talking to a girl (27 F) for about 5 months now. i’ve grown to actually love the girl and develop true feeling for her (first time feeling this way for a girl in a long time). my last relationship was 3 years ago and i honestly don’t have much sexual experience and haven’t really done any one night stand (as that’s not rlly my vibe). But one thing i felt unsure about since the starting to talk to her was her phase of life (won’t address do to privacy) and was insecure/afraid that she might have had an extreme hoe phase (i honestly haven’t had the courage to discuss with her). Tonight i found out that used to have an onlyfans about X years ago and her nudes are out online. idk what to do, i’m sad, i feel like i actually love her but at the same time this is quite a large deal for me. Sorry about the poor grammar. i never have posted on reddit before but tonight i’m devastated. i feel lost and i just want to hear advice on what you guys would do in this situation. should i end things with her?

Big Man Only Conversation
Hello, my big boys.
Like the title says, this is a big-man-only conversation. I’m talking about men who are still big, whether you’re comfortable with yourself or you’re still on your journey.
So respectfully, I’m not really looking for advice from skinny guys, fit guys, or dudes who are naturally very attractive. A lot of the time, the advice just makes people feel worse because they don’t understand what it’s like to live as a bigger man.
And no women either. I know some of y’all are in these subs 😂, but I’m not looking for women’s opinions or experiences here. Respectfully, I just want to hear from other big men.
How has dating been for you? Honestly.
Because from what I’ve seen, a lot of bigger men’s dating stories are rough. Mine definitely is.
This is probably going to be long because I like giving context instead of leaving half the story out.
Growing up, I always wanted a relationship. In elementary and middle school, I was already noticing how other people were getting into relationships while I wasn’t. Eventually, the internet became a huge part of my social life, and I started meeting people online and talking to girls from my area.
I eventually got my first girlfriend around middle school. We lasted about six months. After that, a lot of my relationships were online, and honestly, I never really felt satisfied with that.
High school was different in some ways. I talked to a lot of different women. Different personalities, different looks, different body types. I wasn’t only interested in one particular type of woman. I talked to pretty women too, and I did have experiences that made me realize I’m not completely undesirable.
But a lot of those situations never turned into anything serious.
Sometimes we’d talk for a while, meet up, have a good connection, and then it would just disappear. Other times, I’d think something was becoming a relationship when the other person clearly didn’t see it that way.
I also became way too focused on sex and validation when I was younger. Looking back, I realize I was sometimes trying to use attention and physical intimacy to fill an emotional hole. It didn’t work. It just made me feel emptier afterward.
I eventually got seriously heartbroken by someone I thought I was building something real with. Then, not too long afterward, I got into the relationship that would become my worst relationship.
That relationship lasted six years.
It was toxic. There was emotional abuse, insecurity, arguments, mistakes on both sides, and a lot of things neither of us handled properly. I’m not going to sit here and say, “I was the perfect boyfriend and she was the problem.” I wasn’t. I had plenty of insecurities and things I needed to work on.
But I also know I’m not some horrible person.
I’m not saying I’m the most attractive man alive either. I’m 5’7”, I’m a big dude, I have a larger chest, and my weight has gone up and down a lot. At my heaviest, I was around 310. I’ve lost a significant amount since then, but I’m still bigger than I’d like to be.
And honestly, I hate stepping on the scale sometimes.
One thing I really hate hearing is:
“It’s all about how you see yourself.”
No.
Sometimes society really does treat bigger people differently.
You don’t know me. You don’t know if I’m lazy. You don’t know if I’m dirty. You don’t know if I don’t take care of myself. I’m not saying every negative experience I’ve had is because I’m fat, because obviously my own insecurities and decisions have played a role too.
But pretending weight has nothing to do with how people are treated is also dishonest.
I’ve actually had attractive women be interested in me. I’ve had women want to spend time with me, talk to me, and be intimate with me. So I know I’m not completely undesirable.
The problem is that I don’t always believe people actually like me.
That’s where a lot of my own problems come in.
I’ll have a good interaction with someone and immediately start wondering why she’s interested in me. I’ll question whether she actually finds me attractive. I’ll assume she’s eventually going to lose interest.
And sometimes those insecurities become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then there’s Reddit and the rest of the internet.
Being online has honestly messed with my perception of dating and myself.
You constantly see people talking about height, weight, money, looks, status, body type, sexual experience, and being in the “top 10%” or whatever the hell people are saying now.
After seeing enough of it, you start wondering:
What’s the point if I’m never going to be one of those guys?
And that’s where I’ve been mentally for the last few years.
I used to enjoy a lot of things. People have always invited me places because they thought I was funny. I’ve had people tell me I have a good personality and that I’m talented at different things.
But I’ve slowly lost that spark.
Sometimes I’ll get excited about something and then the feeling disappears almost immediately.
And honestly, having a woman beside me has always made life feel significantly better. Not because I think a woman is supposed to fix my problems, but because companionship gives me something to look forward to. When I feel connected to somebody, I feel like I can take on anything.
Then when that connection disappears, I go right back to feeling empty.
I’ve also noticed something about myself: I don’t really fear confrontation with other men.
I’ve been willing to stand up for myself since I was young, even against guys bigger than me. I’ve never really understood the stories where a guy gets bullied for being big and just accepts it because the other guy is bigger.
Maybe that’s because I’ve always been willing to fight back, but I also realize that’s not necessarily the healthiest way to handle things.
These days, I’ve become so tired of feeling judged that sometimes I find myself lowering my standards or choosing situations where I don’t feel as much pressure because I already assume someone won’t judge me as harshly.
And that’s not really where I want to be either.
I’m broke right now. I’m dealing with being unemployed. I’ve been depressed for a long time. I’ve been in therapy before, and I’ve already figured out a lot of the basic things people usually tell you.
I’m not looking for somebody to tell me, “Just love yourself.”
I’m asking other big men something much simpler:
How has dating actually been for you?
Not the motivational version.
Not the “just be confident bro” version.
Not the version where somebody who has never struggled with their weight tells you that looks don’t matter.
I want to hear from the big dudes who are actually living it.
Have you had good relationships?
Have you struggled getting women to take you seriously?
Have you had women be attracted to you but still struggled to believe them?
Have you been rejected because of your size?
Have you found a way to stop letting internet dating culture mess with your head?
And for the guys who are still big but have found happiness, what changed for you?
I’m genuinely curious because sometimes it feels like I’m the only one going through this.
Sorry if this post is all over the place. I’ve had a lot on my mind for the last few years and I needed somewhere to actually put it all into words.
So yeah.
Big boys, talk to me. How’s dating really been for y’all?

First I want to clarify that I'm not considering suicide, but I admit it is a habitual though. (More like a plan B)

A few days ago I was talking to some friends when the suicide topic came out, it wasn't forced it came out naturally. What surprised me was the reaction of my friends, many of them were really reluctant to talk about it and express that the mere thought of it makes them feel sick.

My doubt is if this is normal or if I am the strange one?

Sorry if this out topic, but I didn't know where to post it

I have thought about it the other day, technically speaking I can only prove my own existence, our perception of reality actually creates our own reality, for instance people that are on drugs experience reality differently, I came to the conclusion that it could totally be possible that I am the only real person and that the rest of humans are just NPCs or products of my imagination or they could just be people sent to accomplish soul missions without actual paths of their own that are unrelated from my path, I might sound selfish but trust me I don’t want that to be real, I dont want to be the only real person.

I don’t really know what to really think honestly, it made me think that it made me life kinda boring if nothing really mattered and that nobody was real, no real point in dating or having friends or caring about people in that case since they wouldn’t be real and have opinions unlike me, I dont really know how to escape that thinking tbf, wonder if anyone ever thought of that. From a quantum perspective it seems to make sense.

M(18) F(18). So I’ve known this girl for 5 months, and have been dating for 3 months now. Exactly 10 days after I asked her to be my girlfriend (she’d already met my family and I’d met hers.) my mother did a 18 and 21st joint birthday party. Obviously was going to a messy one as it’s 2 big birthdays.

In the night, I was absolutely smashed but can clearly remember my best friend telling me about a past experience that I kinda knew of… but she never properly told me until I found out then she told me in bed that night. Okay I can handle that, beacuse you’ve told me not given me a comfort lie.

Fart forward maybe about 5-6 weeks later, I was away and we are up at like 5am still messaging beacuse neither of us can sleep. And we start going into deeper conversations… and I ask her how many it’s been and she tells me 2. But the first one was the very bad last experience… and the second time the guy practically begged for it to happen and she gave in. Okay I’m fine with that beacuse you’ve told me not given me a comfort lie.

Now we’re here to current date, and my brother makes a joke about it being +10 and I reply with it’s not that. No where near that. And he goes I actually know the number she told me at the party. And I don’t say anything waiting for him to tell me and he says it’s 5.

So she told my brother 5, tells me 3. I’ve been lied to, is she doing this to protect me? I’d rather her tell me the honest truth that I can handle than a stupid comfort lie!

Now it’s making me think, what else is she lying about, is she hair lying to me the whole time? If I’d of known originally it would’ve been fine I can handle it move on so forth. But finding out that it was a lie by a completely different person about something I see that both of you should know in a relationship, and then you go and lie to me?

It takes a long time to build trust, but you can loose it in the matter of seconds.

I feel like that, I feel like I’ve just been placed on a surgeon table and cut open with no grace and no purpose to operate.

I thought she was honest. But clearly not. Now I don’t know what to do, it’s my first serious relationship, and I feel like a total mug.

Any advice would be solely appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Hope you have a nice day.