Big-Man-Only Dating Conversation
Big Man Only Conversation
Hello, my big boys.
Like the title says, this is a big-man-only conversation. I’m talking about men who are still big, whether you’re comfortable with yourself or you’re still on your journey.
So respectfully, I’m not really looking for advice from skinny guys, fit guys, or dudes who are naturally very attractive. A lot of the time, the advice just makes people feel worse because they don’t understand what it’s like to live as a bigger man.
And no women either. I know some of y’all are in these subs 😂, but I’m not looking for women’s opinions or experiences here. Respectfully, I just want to hear from other big men.
How has dating been for you? Honestly.
Because from what I’ve seen, a lot of bigger men’s dating stories are rough. Mine definitely is.
This is probably going to be long because I like giving context instead of leaving half the story out.
Growing up, I always wanted a relationship. In elementary and middle school, I was already noticing how other people were getting into relationships while I wasn’t. Eventually, the internet became a huge part of my social life, and I started meeting people online and talking to girls from my area.
I eventually got my first girlfriend around middle school. We lasted about six months. After that, a lot of my relationships were online, and honestly, I never really felt satisfied with that.
High school was different in some ways. I talked to a lot of different women. Different personalities, different looks, different body types. I wasn’t only interested in one particular type of woman. I talked to pretty women too, and I did have experiences that made me realize I’m not completely undesirable.
But a lot of those situations never turned into anything serious.
Sometimes we’d talk for a while, meet up, have a good connection, and then it would just disappear. Other times, I’d think something was becoming a relationship when the other person clearly didn’t see it that way.
I also became way too focused on sex and validation when I was younger. Looking back, I realize I was sometimes trying to use attention and physical intimacy to fill an emotional hole. It didn’t work. It just made me feel emptier afterward.
I eventually got seriously heartbroken by someone I thought I was building something real with. Then, not too long afterward, I got into the relationship that would become my worst relationship.
That relationship lasted six years.
It was toxic. There was emotional abuse, insecurity, arguments, mistakes on both sides, and a lot of things neither of us handled properly. I’m not going to sit here and say, “I was the perfect boyfriend and she was the problem.” I wasn’t. I had plenty of insecurities and things I needed to work on.
But I also know I’m not some horrible person.
I’m not saying I’m the most attractive man alive either. I’m 5’7”, I’m a big dude, I have a larger chest, and my weight has gone up and down a lot. At my heaviest, I was around 310. I’ve lost a significant amount since then, but I’m still bigger than I’d like to be.
And honestly, I hate stepping on the scale sometimes.
One thing I really hate hearing is:
“It’s all about how you see yourself.”
No.
Sometimes society really does treat bigger people differently.
You don’t know me. You don’t know if I’m lazy. You don’t know if I’m dirty. You don’t know if I don’t take care of myself. I’m not saying every negative experience I’ve had is because I’m fat, because obviously my own insecurities and decisions have played a role too.
But pretending weight has nothing to do with how people are treated is also dishonest.
I’ve actually had attractive women be interested in me. I’ve had women want to spend time with me, talk to me, and be intimate with me. So I know I’m not completely undesirable.
The problem is that I don’t always believe people actually like me.
That’s where a lot of my own problems come in.
I’ll have a good interaction with someone and immediately start wondering why she’s interested in me. I’ll question whether she actually finds me attractive. I’ll assume she’s eventually going to lose interest.
And sometimes those insecurities become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then there’s Reddit and the rest of the internet.
Being online has honestly messed with my perception of dating and myself.
You constantly see people talking about height, weight, money, looks, status, body type, sexual experience, and being in the “top 10%” or whatever the hell people are saying now.
After seeing enough of it, you start wondering:
What’s the point if I’m never going to be one of those guys?
And that’s where I’ve been mentally for the last few years.
I used to enjoy a lot of things. People have always invited me places because they thought I was funny. I’ve had people tell me I have a good personality and that I’m talented at different things.
But I’ve slowly lost that spark.
Sometimes I’ll get excited about something and then the feeling disappears almost immediately.
And honestly, having a woman beside me has always made life feel significantly better. Not because I think a woman is supposed to fix my problems, but because companionship gives me something to look forward to. When I feel connected to somebody, I feel like I can take on anything.
Then when that connection disappears, I go right back to feeling empty.
I’ve also noticed something about myself: I don’t really fear confrontation with other men.
I’ve been willing to stand up for myself since I was young, even against guys bigger than me. I’ve never really understood the stories where a guy gets bullied for being big and just accepts it because the other guy is bigger.
Maybe that’s because I’ve always been willing to fight back, but I also realize that’s not necessarily the healthiest way to handle things.
These days, I’ve become so tired of feeling judged that sometimes I find myself lowering my standards or choosing situations where I don’t feel as much pressure because I already assume someone won’t judge me as harshly.
And that’s not really where I want to be either.
I’m broke right now. I’m dealing with being unemployed. I’ve been depressed for a long time. I’ve been in therapy before, and I’ve already figured out a lot of the basic things people usually tell you.
I’m not looking for somebody to tell me, “Just love yourself.”
I’m asking other big men something much simpler:
How has dating actually been for you?
Not the motivational version.
Not the “just be confident bro” version.
Not the version where somebody who has never struggled with their weight tells you that looks don’t matter.
I want to hear from the big dudes who are actually living it.
Have you had good relationships?
Have you struggled getting women to take you seriously?
Have you had women be attracted to you but still struggled to believe them?
Have you been rejected because of your size?
Have you found a way to stop letting internet dating culture mess with your head?
And for the guys who are still big but have found happiness, what changed for you?
I’m genuinely curious because sometimes it feels like I’m the only one going through this.
Sorry if this post is all over the place. I’ve had a lot on my mind for the last few years and I needed somewhere to actually put it all into words.
So yeah.
Big boys, talk to me. How’s dating really been for y’all?